Any more intormation re. school age Ethiopian adoptions and disruptions.?

Andraya

Adoption is suppose to be forever, through the good and the bad. If you are so concerned with the rate of disruptions I suggest you look into something other than adoption. Giving up on your child, adopted or not, should NEVER be an option.

Jennifer L

The biggest reason for disruptions in older child international adoptions is the unrealistic expectations of the adoptive parents. Some adoptive parents seem to expect that an 8 or 10 year old can suddenly conform to American culture and become a quiet, compliant member of the family.

I have read about some older child African adoption disruptions and I tell you, they made me see red.

Some of the things that particularly peeved me off: The child acts younger (emotionally) than American age-peers. Anyone who knows anything about the effects of institutionalization would know this is an expectation.

The child is very clingy and seems to want a lot of undivided attention from adults. (this is another WELL DUH!) The child wants to be sure that this adult caregiver isn't going away, like so many others.

My personal favorite: We discovered that the child is actually older than originally believed. This disrupts our birth order plan. In countries where birthdays are not always recognized, malnurition common and medical resources questionable, the exact age of a child is often difficult to determine.

African children are survivors. But the adoptive parents need to have some realistic expectations when proceeding. Parent to the child, not to the age. Expect regression. Expect the child to be emotionally more immature than American counterparts in some ways, but more mature in others. Respect personal boundaries; African people are typically very private about their thoughts, feelings and experiences. Let the children talk to you when THEY are ready.

wynn

I adopted two school age children from Ethiopia, the older one is a daughter.

Were you looking to adopt an Ethiopian child from a disrupted adoption who is already here in N.America?

Or are you trying to find out if your chat groups have it right before you go to Ethiopia to adopt? What kind of chat groups are these?

ETA: In case your question is the latter, this is my answer:

Have you done international adoption of an older child before? There are so many things to consider. I think if enough research and preparation is done, and if the parents are flexible and patient, your chances are much better at a good transition.

Ethiopian culture. I asked Ethiopian immigrants for guidance. They told me about certain cultural differences in manners that no one else prepared me for. One example: Ethiopian children are not to look adults in the eye when theyâ€™re being scolded. That would be bold and rude. In America, we think it's rude when youâ€™re talking to them and theyâ€™re staring off to the side. There are lots of things like this.

Being an older adoptee. I looked for books by adoptees, but many of them were adopted as infants. I ended up calling a mom that I met when I took the foster care classes and she hooked me up with some people who were adopted as older children so they could tell me about their experiences.

Being a transracial adoptee. There are some excellent books for this including In Their Own Voices. Blogs are really handy too.

Language acquisition. I thought my children would be more confident and happier if they could keep up in school. I have a relative who teaches English to immigrants, so I got a lot or resources from her. My daughter turned out to have a learning disability, so we had to address that as well.

It goes both ways. We didn't make it all about them dropping their culture and taking ours. We learned some of their language. We cook food the way they showed us they did at home. We all learned Ethiopian dance, which is way cool. We set up our children to get Ethiopian radio through the computer. We are working on setting up a reliable email contact near their home town so they can exchange letters and pictures with their remaining family more quickly.

I suppose if a child has severe RAD, none of the above will help. If you're going to adopt from anywhere, I think you have to do the best you can to prepare and then keep to your commitment. If you don't think you could live with the worst case scenario, it might be better not to risk bringing a child halfway across the world only to

kims

I adopted four children from Ethiopia, ages 3 - 9. I agree with a lot of the above answers. If you're going to adopt do all your research from every possible angle. Don't proceed unless you're willing to live with every possible outcome. It isn't fair to the child.

That's not meant to be unsympathetic to parents dealing with attachment disorders. For that matter I know a few families that adopted infants who turned out to have severe impairments (handicaps?). Like with giving birth there are no guarantees.

If you're unsure and you want to adopt an older child anyway perhaps foster to adopt would be a better option. You and the child get to spend a good amount of time together and find out if you're mutually suited before you finalize.

Erin L

I recommend visiting informedadoptions.com and asking this question there also. It is an online community specifically formed to prevent adoption disruptions, and it is geared toward international adoption. I know there are some people there who have adopted from Ethiopia and would know more about the program than I. There are also lots of adoptive parents there who are very knowlegable about attachment issues in adoption and lots of parents there who provide wonderful been there done that support through tough post adoption times if problems arise.

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