Anyone have both adoptive child/children and biological child/children? Question also involves infertility...?

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

" I'm wondering when it might be time to give up trying to conceive and start thinking about adoption."

you said it yourself. adoption is your second choice. this child will also be your second choice.

face it- if you could have another, you would prefer to do so over adopting, am i correct?

your adoptee will know thy are second choice. i had the best afamily, but i'm not stupid.

kidmindi

I have biological children and one adopted daughter. My adoption was not due to infertility, but because my stepdaughter's birthmother was unable to be any kind of a mom to her and she needed and deserved a mom.Her birthmom asked me to adopt her and I agreed.

To say there is no difference in the kids isn't true, there is a difference as there is a difference in EVERY child, biological or adopted. My adopted child was my long awaited little girl. She also has special needs.

I don't look at my sons and say "he's my birth son" and I don't say "she my adopted daughter". She is my daughter, they are my sons...period.

My sons loved an adored my daughter from the day she and her father moved in with with us. When we all went to court and her adoption was finalized the boys cheered.

If handled right, you adopted child can feel as loved as yout bio child...

Randy B

We were in that situation although the order was slightly different. We were living overseas just after we got married and we chose to adopt first. Our oldest is therefore east Indian. About a year later we got pregnant with our second and then had one and one. It was after that we learned that we were infertile and shouldn't even been able to have the one we did. My wife has a chromosome issue that is supposed to render her unable to conceive and to this day the Drs don't know how it happened, just that it did.

Just this past summer we finely adopted again. Our three daughters now are 16, almost 14 and 10 months. We've asked our middle daughter if she feels different being the only one not adopted and she says she's always had fun with it and it just makes her special. Not any better or worse then the others. Just special in her own way they way they are special in theirs.

It took us almost 13 years to adopt again because we didn't know the domestic possibilities and how inexpensive it could be through foster care. If we had known that we would have done it sooner for sure.

yeahright

We were always planning on adopting and didn't see it as a last resort. When we didn't conceive after a certain amount of time, we figured the decision was making itself and it was time to adopt. At the time we had 1 bio son. We wondered why we didn't adopt sooner.

BTW--you are going to get very pissed off posters about mixing infertility and their point of view being adopted children being considered a consolation prize. Given your wording-it might be that you should consider this as you approach the topic in your own life as well--adoption is a touchy and emotional topic for many and you have to carefully consider what your child's perceptions and your actions will be. Be incredibly honest with yourself.

IDK!!

I do have both adopted and biological children, but I can't say that I can relate to your fertility issues.

After having our daughter, I had no desire to be pregnant or deliver a baby ever again, it was torture and dangerous. I wasn't looking to add a child to our family when we were presented with the idea of adopting our son.

It took 4 years of trying to have our daughter. 2 years of that was recovering from a pregnancy where the placenta was cancerous.

The very day before I was to have my part removed, I found contentment and realized that I didn't NEED to have a baby, but if I was meant to be a mother, then it would happen. I quit praying for a baby and prayed to have God will done and for the ability to find peace with that, what ever it may be. I slept great that night and the next day I got a call that I was pregnant. I was quite a surprise considering we quit trying (except for 1 wild Christmas eve, I can't say I remember).

Any way there was no "should we try again?", "should we adopt from foster care?", "should we adopt internationally", "should we hire a surrogate?", "should we buy a puppy?", "Should we settle?".

From the beginning, it wasn't about us wanting a baby, it was about a baby, who needed us. I think when you get to that point, where you don't "need" a baby, but are open to a child who needs you then I think you're ready, if you are in the mode where you will do anything to get a baby, but really just want one of your "own", then maybe you're not.

Oh forgot to add- After adoting we became infertile, my husband had a vasectomy..... if I had know it was only $70 (10%) out of pocket and could be done in office, we (well, he) would have done it sooner.

The brain

Haven't we been through this before:
First: Biological
Second: IVF
Third: Private Adoption
Fourth: IA
Fifth: Foster Care

So technically, adoption is THIRD, not second, folks.

âš¡Energyâš¡

I think the fact that I was adopted and my sister was natural was a contributing factor in her suicide at age 18. Adoption creates a rift in a family when the parents expect it to blend in and are hostile if it doesn't. My sister assumed, as did I, that she and I should be just like "real" siblings and any arguments or disloyalty was verboten. This of course led to deep guilt and confusion. My sister couldn't believe that her parents who were supposed to love her also could love me who was an alien in their midst, and she couldn't resolve this dilemma, unable to earn her parents' unconditional love and thus unable to follow her own dreams in life, she chose the only way out she could imagine.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: