Anyone put their baby up for adoption?

mediddly

I've never had any personal experience with it but I support your decision. It takes a lot of strength and maturity to realize that you aren't able to give your child the best possible home.

You can choose an open or closed adoption and decide whether or not you want to give your child the option of contacting you when they turn 18. Talk with a lawyer about all the options available to you.

edit: I am shocked at all the negative answers towards adoption you've recieved. It is not selfish to realize that you cannot give your child the best possible life, it IS selfish to give your child less than they deserve to keep yourself from feeling bad. It won't be easy but I'm proud of you and one day your child will be proud of you as well.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

Ok, I just want you to know that I know how you feel, I have been there. I haven't given up a child, but I am a mother who was told to relinquish. I had an unplanned pregnancy at 19. I was CONVINCED that I would not be a good mom, and I was really wasn't ready. But I got ready. Being a good parent is determined by the choices we make, and we choose to make those choices, there is not a magical moment in time when we become ready, and we automaticaly are good parents. We can be ready at anytime we choose, all we have to do is decide to make the good choices. Jaydens father isn't around, but that is okay. Think of it this way:

If the main reason you are wanting to give him up for adoption is because the father is not around, then your child is being rejected by BOTH of his parents, not just one, why are 2 strangers better than one natural parent? Unless there is abuse or neglect, there is no reason for an adoption to occur.

Is it because you are single? So am I, and let me tell you, it is NOT as bad as people make it out to be. Now, I DO have the support of my family, and that helps a ton, but I am still the one that provides the support for my son, I am the one that raises him, and I wouldn't have it any other way. If you are wanting a "Two parent home" for your child? Remember, that the divorce rate is out of control, and more than likely, your child will end up being raised by a single parent anyway. Then what? You loose a child, your child looses his heritage (and YOU, which is all he really wants anyways) all for a situation which is no better than he would have had anyways REMEMBER! You will not always be single! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!!

Is it because you are young? Honestly, people used to have children at 16 ROUTINELY and did a great job with them. It is an extreamly new development that women wait untill their 30's to have children. I am 21 now, and let me tell you, I am a wonderful mother. I love my son more than anything. Age is only a number, you CHOOSE to be a good or bad parent! REMEMBER! You will not always be young! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!!

Is it because you are in school? So am I. I am in Nursing School. I go to school at night, so my mom or my aunt can watch Jayden. Going to school while being a mom is not that bad. So you have to move your schedual around a little, so what? I promise, it pays off in the end. Being a mom is SOOOO much more fun than getting drunk every weekend at a frat house. And guess what, you can STILL party sometimes, you just find a babysitter for the night. I have never met a woman that became a mother and COMPLETELY gave up having a little fun every once in a while. REMEMBER! You will not always be in school! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!!

Is it because you don't think that you will be able to support the child? I thought that too. I had to move back in with my Mom, I got on Medicaid, WIC, and other government programs. You will get AWESOME scholarships and Grants for having a child. I will end up oweing next to nothing for school. You child does't want a fancy nursery, name brand clothes, and a trust fund, he wants YOU! You are ALL that he knows, and ALL that he wants. A baby is accutely aware of who his mother is immediatly after birth. This is the modern world, people will NOT allow you and you child to go without basic necessities. There are second hand stores that have REALLY cute stuff for next to nothing. REMEMBER! You will not always be struggling! THIS IS TEMPORARY!!!

I really hope you do your research (and that does NOT mean asking adoption agencies what they think, they make money from separting you from your child)

I also hope that you do not make a decision untill after your baby is born. There is NO rush, why don't you try to parent him for a while? At least then you will know...

MamaKate

I had a pretty positive adoption experience...until the APs decided not to honor their promises of open adoption. It's pretty much been torture since then.

Savanna

"Sometimes the feeling we think we'll have isn't the one we really end up having."

Flying Monkey took the words out of my mouth.

"I'm not looking to be judged or talked out of my decision. I know in my heart I am making the right decision for me. So don't judge before you know my situation."

You sound just like me when I was pregnant.
I won't try to talk you out of your decision...
But please understand that this will be hardest thing in your life, no matter how good you feel right now.
Be prepared.

So far, the positives I have experienced:
I have gotten plenty of pictures of my daughter.
I truly trust her adoptive parents.
I know that they have enough money to give her everything she could ever want.
Sometimes, I feel okay, and I have a semi-normal day.

And the negatives:
Looking at the pictures makes me cry. Every time.
Seeing other people's babies makes me feel guilty.
Hearing a baby cry breaks my heart.
I can't sleep at night because I am worrying about her.
I feel really jealous of her adoptives parents.
My boyfriend is having trouble handling his feelings about the adoption (he is angry, sad, frustrated, jealous, and guilty)
Sometimes, I have a bad day and I don't do anything but try not to cry.

And you know what?
It's only been about a month.
My baby was born Feb. 13.
I have to live with all this stuff for the rest of my life.

Every time some one tells me what I did was "beautiful, brave, selfless, the best for the baby" I want to punch them.
Honestly.

Possum

Sad that you think you've made up your mind - and you haven't even given parenting a go yet.
Anyway - make sure you know your rights - make sure you read this -
written by mothers that thought they knew what they were doing - but found out too late that it was the worst decision they ever made -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf
Adoption is a long term solution to an often short term problem.
Ultimately - your child wants YOU and NOT a family of strangers.
Wait until you've had your child.
Just wait.
I wish you well.

nemapasara

Here's another perspective. When I was a year old, my mother killed herself and my dad couldn't take care of me. My aunt and uncle adopted me and I've been forever thankful for their selfishness.

It can be hard at times, especially when the adoptive and biological parents are related. There's tension and I'm always made to choose sides. Over the past few years, I've grown steadily to care for my biological father and my half-brother, so not all things were lost.

If my aunt and uncle (who I've called mom and dad for 19 years) hadn't took me in, then I don't know where I would've been and what kind of person I would've become. I encourage adoption, simply to give a child a chance.

Akum

I never have, but my best friend just had to a few months ago.
It will be hard, because you're going to connect with the baby while you're carrying it, but if you honestly believe you're not ready for a child and don't want to go through an adoption, then this is the best choice for you.
My BFF does still cry about her little girl sometimes, but she's glad she didn't about her, and we know the family, and she gets pictures or her all the time.
Just make sure you trust the adoptive family. If you're uncomfortable, then they're not right for you. Even if you're not going to be with them, try to do what's best for your little one.

myst1998

How do you know you are making the right decision for your baby? How much research have you done into the detrimental effects of adoption on adoptees?

No, I never gave up my child, she was taken and I would never stoop so low as to GIVE my baby away willingly, mothers are not supposed to do that.

And I have never heard any positive experiences from mothers who have relinquished their children.

You have some serious research to do... start with the Primal Would by Nancy Verrier and go from there.

I do not support adoption; it hurts babies and maims families for generations to come.

Jarzmo

I am currently pregnant and adoption was an option for me. However, i just recently decided to raise it on my own.

I do have experience with adoption though. My little brother was adopted. We did an open adoption. My Dad and Step mom were chosen by the birth mother who read our "family" book and decided to pick us as her son's new family. He is my angel. My life. The best thing that has happened to me. We are 12 years apart, he is six right now. We have had him since he was born. My parents were at the HOSPITAL! I think adoption is a wonderful thing and i respect your decision 100%. There are loving and deserving families everywhere that would raise your child wonderfully and provide a wonderful life for the little one. Good luck and hang in there! What you are doing is a remarkable, brave, honorable thing!

YoKelso

I never had that experience, BUT my best friend did give her baby up for adoption and my mom adopted her!!! =] so it all worked out well. she couldnt keep the baby and now she knows that the baby is safe and we let her visit the baby whenever she wants.

Jessica D-J

Im trying to make the same decision too. i know i cant handle bringing up a child but i would never want to put the baby in any harm. i being given only 3 options this one seems best right now.
Do you know if i would get to decide which family the newborn goes to? i would appreciate knowing who is looking after my child, wouldn't you?
i don't think you should be feeling at all guilty, and definitely don't let other people make you feel that way. i think there will always be a part missing and you will never forget what you've done but im sure its for the best.

Bridgette Brown

I don't think your being selfish at all. If you want to know my opinion, I think it's best that a biological parent give up his/her child for adoption if they know that they can't take care of the child whether it be mentally, financially, etc. So why not find a family that can?!.....You WOULD be making the right decision for you and the baby. Will you have a open adoption?

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009

Yep. Had a good experience. No one coerced me or lied to me. I knew what I was doing before talking to anyone else about it. It was best. 3 years later? maybe different outcome but ....very few regrets.

Not Adopted

Make sure you come back in 20 years to tell us how wonderful it was to lose a baby to adoption.

northeaglerose

I truly think that adoption can be a wonderful thing. There are a lot of people on here that will tell you "A baby will always feel rejected, if the bio parents give them up for adoption." I don't think that this is true. I think that kids feel all kinds of discomfort in adjusting to life..... period. Being blood related to the folks you call mom and dad, is not going to make the rest of your days like cotton candy.
Everyone will have a different experience. Some will spend the rest of their lives in regret, while others may not. I hope you and your baby have wildly eventful lives, together OR apart. I am 100% pro-choice... and actually have a lot of experience with adoption. My sister in law was adopted from Korea.... and it's never been a sad thing. There's never been a time that it's been awkward, and I've never heard her say anything about feeling different or unwanted. As for her Bio mother, I cannot say, maybe she is sad and lonely. My parents did foster care when I was growing up, which led to adoption.... and all of my sisters and brothers are very close. We all turned out to be productive, happy people. No more crazy than the rest of the world, and no more stressed than the average Joe.
I found out when I was 15 that I couldn't have kids, which was devastating for the first five years. Now, I know that I'll have my chance at parenthood, and have started foster care myself. I have come to terms with infertility.... because I know without a doubt, that I will love my sons and daughters all the same.

Oh, and ***** .... I'm not baby trolling, just sharing my opinion (just like you), so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't flag my answers.... just because you're anti adoption or don't agree with me.

Best wishes

karcnr

Adoption agencies sometimes have support groups that you can meet or email / phone so you can get answers and support from someone who has gone through what you are currently going through. If you need help finding a specific agency that does this, just let me know, I know of several and can give you their contact info. Best of luck to you.

allchildrenareangels

Hi doing what you feel is best for you and your child is the right thing to do. I would love to talk to you. I know a lot about adoption. If you would like to talk you can email me by going to my profile.

Love,
Michelle

Icebeam

Your making the right decision for you, but what about the baby, it is a living thing too, don't be so selfish.

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