Are Expectant Mothers Considering Adoption Told that Open Adoption is not Enforcable?

Camira B

I can't speak for all agencies, but the one I was working definitely did not. In fact, I was promised by the agency that I would have visitation rights, and would get updates and pictures. I did not know that open adoption was not enforceable until my first attorney was retained. He was so outraged that he called the agency worker and berated her for promising things to me that weren't legally enforceable. I was shocked. I was like, "What do you mean? But I have visitation rights so I can see him while this case is pending, right?" When I finally got copies of the documents that I signed, there was a tiny little sentence at the end of the page that said "while we encourage parties to go through with the agreements that are made, these agreements are not legally enforceable." I was blown away.

I absolutely think it's misleading and I think that the promise of open adoption weighs heavily on an expectant mother's decision to place with a specific couple/person. Because of that, I think any reneging on promises should be considered fraud and grounds for an invalidation.

ETA - You aren't kidding, Sly. When I checked around for appeal attorneys, I got estimates of 15,000 - 25,000 dollars. It's sad that justice is only for those who can afford it.

lahdh4

I was told from the beginning. It isn't something that they have on their web page but I was told up front.
I would have been able to file the agreement with her adoption but it still would not have been worth the paper it is written on.

I think that the agencies need to tell expectant mothers this. It is important information.

Just a Mom

It should be on there. And yes, adoption agencies are misleading.

Independ"ant"

Withholding any information pertinent to a claim is misleading and borderline lying.

Stinky Pete

No they don't often mention that and IMO that is fraud

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

Why would they tell them? Then they would loose their "manufacturer". Ugh, it is just sickening and I am ashamed to belong to a country that sweeps it under the rug. Like hell we are a free country.

Sophie

Well, if they were looking up closed adoption on the internet, I'm sure both the pro-adoption sites and the anti-/open-adoption sites come up. It's not the agencies not keeping the adoption open, it's the adoptive parents.

Sly

Even in states where it is enforceable, the only way to enforce it is to hire an attorney and first you have to find one which is not a simple task. They too bleat the "adoption is a good thing" mantra and they make big bucks with the public believing that.

The big bucks thing brings me to the second part of the difficulty of enforcing an open adoption agreement in a state that allows it...the money. When and if you are lucky enough to find an attorney that will take your case, then you have to pay them, and they charge a lot of money, which is one of the major deterrents to parents who are trying to get their children back in contested adoptions. It isn't usually the fact of rightness of their cases that costs them their children, it is the emptiness of their pockets. Stephanie Bennett is a perfect example of that.

Since I have been advocating for mothers, Stephanie's is the purest form of mishandling by an attorney I have ever heard, on top of being the purest case of coercion and abuse by the system. That is an american tragedy and I only hope that I live long enough to make sure that baby Evelyn hears about the fight that her young mother and grandparents put up to get her back, and the lies and manipulation that were used to insure that her corrupt agency didn't have to make a refund.

I also want to make sure that she hears about how the people who adopted her manipulated and maneuvered and cheated their way to keeping her. I hope that they don't have a restful moment in the 16 more years before she is old enough to find her people and I want to be there when she finds out what contemptible people she was raised by, if she doesn't already.

Once again, the bottom line seems to be about the money. Does anyone see a familiar theme in almost all the replies to almost all the questions?

collegegradsingle

In some states Open Adoption is possible so then they would not be misleading the birth mother. However, in the states that their are not open adoptions the birth mother is made aware of this when she legally surrenders her parental rights. This has to be known or it would be a violation of human rights.

39 Weeks Pregnant!

I would say it depends on the agency.

My adoption counselor made it very clear to me that the Open Adoption Agreement I made with the adoptive parents was strictly based on trust and that legally there was no real contract and if they changed their mind there was nothing I could do. Luckily the adoptive parents I chose for my daughter were honest people, and therefore have not gone back on their word and I know they have no intention to.

Kazi

Great question. Before we decided to adopt through our local CAS, we briefly flirted with the idea of private adoption. We met with reps from several different agencies that would only handle open adoptions. They told us that while they strongly encouraged open adoption and even provided literature and studies on the benefits, they also made it clear that it was not legally enforceable. The way they said it lead us to believe that the saw closed adoptions as very sad and unnecessary. They even asked us how we thought we'd exlplain to our child about why we had promised their mother an open adoption only to close it. It felt genuine to me, however, we were the PAPs, I actually have no idea what they specifically told expectant mothers. I assumed it was the same, thought of course that may not be true.

emmyedouard

Adoption agencies are misleading. I was not told that an open adoption is not legal. I don't have a right to see my baby. The adopted parents can keep me on a leash if they want, they can cut me off from my son and there is nothing I can do about it. I'm lucky or they showed pity on me by agreeing to allow me to visit my son for a couple days in six months. You can believe I'm counting down those six months. I hope they don't think that I'll be satisfied with that one visit, pictures and letters. No matter what the law says I will be in his life. My love is strong my need to be in his life will not ever fade.

leila

probably. unless there is a visitation agreement between parents that is set up (sort of like a divorce) babymomma doesn't have a leg to stand on. and shame on those adoptive parents for going back on their agreement.

Serenity71

Yes Mothers should be informed about anything that's involved in the adoption process.

But APA's should be counseled more about open adoption too. That means by going through initial emotions they may feel once placed with a baby or child.

I know I had overwhelming emotions in the first few months. No told us about the amount of contact the Nmother could request, and it was put forward in such way that to question any of it was to say we didn't want contact at all with the Nmother. And we would have our child resent us in years to come if we didn't agree to everything the Nmother wanted. That is so untrue and it did make me angry when the social worker said it. And its unhealthy for a new family that's still bonding to not have some space to come together. (We wanted contact, but a say in how much would have have been good. Believe me we have lots.)

So from that experience I can see why same AP's panic and run.
I'm not saying that's good either. (For I feel once your word is given you should follow through. Legal binding or not.) We have the contact still, but we're getting social workers out of it so it can form more naturally. (We call it a 'catch up', contact is so sterile of a word.)

I wanted open contact for my children, and for them to be the ones requesting more or less visits and information, not dictated too like they have no choice in it, and it's all about us and the Nmother's needs and wants. Especially when they are 12 months old and don't understand any of this yet.

But it needs to be outlined in a more compassionate counseling way to the new family so its not so scary for them.

Preparation before placement is essential yet its neglected for some reason. Its a very new thing this face to face contact in adoption, and needs to be approached in a less confronting way than our experience.

Unfortunatley I find most people aren't open to hearing about that side of it.

LaraSue

It depends on the agency. I know both of the ones that worked with my daughter as she was placing did tell her exactly that.
ETA: Thumbs down me all you want, it's true. Sorry if it doesn't toe the party line.

sizesmith

This is one of the main reasons I don't want to use an agency to adopt! We have offered an open adoption to our son's first mom, which it's her choice to not visit.

It's also such a shame that people are so desperate that they lie to get a child.

It gives adoptive parents like us a bad name. We actually paid our attorney, and told our son's first mom that if she had ANY questions (before he was born), to feel free to ask the attorney, and told the attorney to tell her the entire truth, as if she were representing the first mom also. I also make sure she read it out loud that she had 10 days (in our state) to stop the adoption, and made sure she understood how. We're so blessed to adopt, however, idiots that lie to get a child make it harder on parents like us, and in addition, make it harder on the foster care system, because women who might place into an honest, open adoption situation sometimes end up keeping the child, only to have it taken away later on, because they aren't mentally, physically, or financially able to take care of the child.

preetiepink

FOSTER CARE IS FREE!

I'm not sure which 'adoption financial assistance organizations' you are referring to. It is possible to apply for grants from small, private, non-profit organizations but they don't usually amount to much, maybe $1000 to $3000 dollars. But you cannot count on them, because many people apply for them and there is only so much money to go around.

Other options include bank loans, home equity loans, credit cards, and loans from family and/or friends.

A lot of people don't realize it but some companies offer adoption subsidies to employees. Ask your employer about this.

Incidentally the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption supports adoption friendly workplaces. Yes, ''the'' Dave Thomas of the Wendy's hamburger chain. He was an adopter.

The Dave Thomas Foundation has a program called Adoption Friendly Workplace and the website has a large (but far from all inclusive) list of employers that offer adoption benefits. You can also request a guide to help persuade your own employer to offer such benefits. [see links to these pages to the right in the Related Links section.]

The IRS offers help in the form of a $10,000 tax credit...but only after the adoption is complete. Also check your own state laws; some states offer subsidies or tax benefits.

As far as I know you can make use of any or all of these. Unfortunately, I know of no major government or privately funded Adoption Financial Assistance Organizations.

Financing is major hurdle for prospective adoptive parents. It is also one of the reasons many people who want to adopt, don't.

Here another idea for you, one that many, many adoptive parents participate in. Do a google.com search for "adoption fund raising". You will be amazed at the number of ideas people have come up with to raise money for adoptions. Message boards, groups, mailing lists are abundant and in general the whole "adoption community" is friendly and very happy to help others out whether it is by simply answering questions, offering moral support, or helping you find the right fund raising ideas.

Don't let something as insignificant as money keep you from trying to adopt.

God luck and God bless.

az_mommma

Why would you even want an open adoption?

Let the parents raise their child.... the child doesn't need the confusion of an open adoption. It's hard enough being a kid without all that drama.

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