Are adoptees who do not approve of the way American adoption is practiced...?

Laurel J

I hope that's changing. I can remember when the urge to search was considered pathological.

But yes, when I say "I don't like adoption as it stands" the average person seems to hear, "I hate sunshine, kittens, Mom and Dad, everyone who ever wanted to raise a kid, and myself."

Carol c

I've noticed that many adoptees are treated like a perpetual child their entire lives. Often people think that everyone else knows what's best for them.

And adoption is glorified in the general public. This in turn, causes some to question why an adopted person isn't just grateful that someone took them in in the first place? Others make the assumption that if an adopted person questions the adoption system at all or searches for their roots; they must be disgruntled and therefore not well-adjusted.

What many people forget is that intelligent people do not live well with mystery in their lives and if they want answers, they deserve to get them.

I

Philippa

Because non adopted people are scared of the truth ~ they rationalize it because they aren't affected by it. I'm not adopted but I know the damage it has done to my son who is adopted . We aren't American but that is to one side adoptees have a better understanding of (American) adoption than non adopted people.

Not Adopted

Yes, they are considered to be damaged, depressed, etc. This is a sad statement on people being unwilling to learn from those most affected by adoption - the ADOPTEE.

People would rather listen to either adoptive parents or agencies, mostly because they typically parrot the socially acceptable "adoption is beautiful" point of view.

monkeykitty83

Yes, that's true.

On the other hand, I have seen adoptees who DO speak positively about adoption-- in some cases speaking only their own personal situations, even-- referred to as "in denial," "in the fog," "drinking the kool-aid," "not educated about adoption," or not having found the "truth" yet. (These references have been made both on the forums and in some cases even by their own parents.) Adoptees aren't exactly respected or seen as well-adjusted individuals when they disagree with people on the anti-adoption side, either.

I think there is definitely a dismissal of adoptee opinions, and I think adoptees are often seen as perpetual children. But I don't think the problem is as one-sided as you suggest. I think people on ALL sides of the pro/anti-adoption debate need to have more respect for adoptees' feelings, opinions, and personal truths.

kitta

Anyone who questions adoption is looked upon as strange, in the USA.

Children who are adopted, are seen as "orphans"...lucky to have been "taken in by loving people."

The image is based on 19th century conditions, and has been reinforced with Biblical orders to take care of orphans.This is fine and good, except that the majority of children being pursued for adoption are not orphans.

They never were. They have living parents, most of whom want them, wanted them desperately.

When this is mentioned, along with the fact that birth certificates are falsified in order to hide identities, the average non-adopted person usually decides that there must be some "good reasons" for this legalized kidnapping and identity theft.

"Good reasons' usually are that there is someone in their family who is pursuing adoption and "just has to get a baby somehow............."

Linny G

Oh, absolutely. We are considered to be "anti-adoption", bitter, ungrateful, selfish, belonging to a cult, radical, feminazi's, you name it. The saddest part of it all, is that most of the trash talking comes from people in the same camp, but I digress....

I am seeing all sorts of replies, and Im not quite sure about the second part of your question. I think you are saying that non adoptees who speak poorly about it are not ridiculed???

I disagree- if non-adoptees speak unfavorably about adoption, they are also seen as radicals...ESPECIALLY if the person is a first mother or an adoptive parent. It's getting better though, because so much research has been done about adoptees over the past 30 years, and the medical community realizes that "most" adoptees have psychological issues due to relinquishment.

Hopefully, the medical communtiy will speak louder against closed adoptions.

SJM

Do they talk bad about us? Dad always said that I let everything I didn't want to hear go in one ear and out the other. Maybe it's because I'm maladjusted. I blame that on being adopted....

Okay, seriously, I really don't care what they think. I would advise anyone who is concerned about the sanity of another to check with a psychiatrist and verify their own sanity first.

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