Are orphanages the answer?

Mei-Ling

You are putting words into people's mouths.

No one is saying children should stay in orphanages. NO ONE. No one is saying they *want* children to be abused, neglected, malnourished, etc.

What we are saying is that we need to figure out WHY these children are being abandoned - WHY Korea's system is failing its own citizens. WHY Korea is not encouraging domestic adoption and why adoption itself is still very stigmatized as "shameful."

It's not just about the kids who are in orphanages - WHY are they in orphanages and what can we do to decrease the amount of kids who are ending up IN those orphanages?

Kassy

I read an answer on here the other day from someone who aged out of foster care that said basically that we do need more and better group homes and for some children should just give up on adoption. Not for the reason that adoptive parents "destroy children" but because there aren't enough good foster or adoptive homes available.

Where I live they got rid of all the orphanages years ago. The reasoning was that all children deserve families rather than just places to live. Also, few of the children in orphanages were really orphans. They just didn't have parents who could parent.

While it's a great idea that people should adopt children who NEED homes, there aren't enough people interested in adoption period. When I got licensed in my state the social worker tossed out the figures of how many people they managed to weed out, and how many people got approved. I asked how those number compared with the number of children coming into care. Nowhere close. There are far more children coming into care than there are people asking about taking the classes to adopt - much less completing those classes.

So I do think we need to put more money into better run group homes because the fact is there's a need for them where families can't be reunited and there aren't enough foster or adoptive homes.

kateiskate

That would be terrible if that happened! As someone who was adopted, I'm glad that I had the opportunity to be adopted rather than be raised in a Korean orphanage. Kids don't understand biology, but they do understand having someone who loves them. If you asked a kid without a family what he or she prefers do you think they would say they'd prefer to be alone without any family if their parents have died or given them up for adoption? I don't think so.

sweetjane

You are mistaking legitimate children in need of parents for all adoptive children. There are MANY children who are adopted who already have legitimate, living, loving, wonderful parents....who simply cannot afford to raise thier children or who are told by others that adoption would be better for their child. Few people in here are against ethical adoption. They are against unethical adoption.....as any rational, loving person would be. I simply want more AP's to adopt children in actual need of families.......instead of adopting an infant for a fee who already has a mother. If that fee had been given to the mother or used to help the mother raise her child, for education, for formula, etc. in MOST cases, the mother would choose to parent her own child.
<<Foster to adopt mommy

Obias

I'm guessing your coming at this solely from the adoptive side? If not, please prove me wrong.
The vibe I get from this forum, is not to verbally bash or discriminate adoptive parents and families. In fact, one of the first things I notice when I myself post or most other adoptees, is that we are respectful to our adoptive parents privacy and being. My goal is simply to find out what are the biggest misunderstandings, or common mistakes that adoptive parents make while raising adopted children. Adoption is one of the most emotional and touchy issues we as people deal with. There's nothing wrong with openly discussing the problems that occur in the process, especially as YOU do not know the origin of what that person has come from, or what they might be going through.

Also, you strike me as that person who feels the most important thing is to protect the adoptive parents as "they did a good deed". The problems should not be and are not placed on the adoptee.
Please do expand your understanding and try and read this forum from the eyes of all three parties, and not just your own.

Brianna

i know. I see a lot of people saying, "Should I adopt or have my own?"
And some people are like, "Only have your own children!"
It's not the childrens fault they are in orphanages, it's their parents!
I'm not saying that people should only adopt, but people don't need to say to leave children in the system.
It's not the child's fault.
And even people who do have their own children some times don't make a connection!

Adoption should be an option, fertal or not.
I know I'll adopt and have my own.
I know it's not the child's fault.
And I wish people would stop making kids suffer or trying to make people make kids suffer through out their childhood because their parents made mistakes.

Not Adopted

Sure, the orphanage was good enough for Spanky, Alfalfa, and the rest of the gang!

Kazi

No, orphanages are not the answer. Children need families. If their biological families are unwilling or unable to raise their children the way they need and deserve then children need new parents to love them and take care of them. Institutions will never trump having a family that loves and wants you. Ever.

Today-is-a-Glorious-Day

Wow... I know many happily adopted children/adults that range from 2-50... all of them know they are adopted and they love there familes very much.

Gaia Raain

Please show me where "Some here say adoptive parents destroy children". I haven't seen this. I'd be happy to answer your question once you've cited sources.

Brooke G

THAT IS HORRIBLE of adoption an be an amzing thing

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

No, orphanages are not the answer. There is more to growing up than just being fed and clothed.....<ahem>, a connection, attachment, nurturance.....is essential as well.

Skip foster care and adoption and revisit this in fifty years.........what would you see??

EDIT:

That thumb is really remarkable.

I suppose the answer MUST be to put ALL children in need of a home in an orphanage where nanny's come and go....there is no chance for any kind of bond to ever form.........and let it be?? I have seen many children placed in homes with loving ADOPTIVE parents where they have come from AMAZING foster parents and they are doing well. They do belong.........and the situations that brought them in to FOSTER CARE and ADOPTIONS in homes other than their parents were no fault of their own.

Now......if it is possible, children NEED to be with their OWN parents................BUT when not possible, every child deserves a HOME with PARENTS who will love them. Now I know not ALL adoptive placements turn out WELL....... but far more children are maimed in their FIRST homes than in ADOPTIVE homes.

ORPHANAGES are NOT the answer......I have been in group homes with some kids I have placed.........and they are NOT pleasant. Group home in the U.S.= the closest thing we have to an orphanage.

Ciao!!

Debbie Downer

Perhaps if you'd actually take time to READ what people are saying, most everyone on here supports adoption from foster care. They support adopting the children who's parents' rights have been terminated or children who are TRULY orphaned and who TRULY need a home.

It's the billion dollar industry that coerces women to relinquish when they really just need some support, encouragement and help that most people are against. The people who scour the internet, newspapers and schools for young, single "birthmothers" so they can get their greedy mits on a still dripping infant. These kids do not need parents, they already have one.

A little reading comprehension goes a long way. You should try it.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: