Are there any happy adoptees on here?

Unknown....

Every website develops a personality depending on what members initally join and stick around. When new people join, they are forced to conform to the general opinion of the board or deal with hate mail and rejection. The overall feeling of the Yahoo Answers Adoption forum is that of anti-adoption.
I think everyone can agree that adoption is not the ideal first solution, ideally children should be raised with the parents that conceived them or their nearest relatives. That is definitely not always possible and to believe that even 'most' of the children of parents who's rights were terminated 'could' have been raised well by their parents is a pretty blind view.
I grew up around many friends who didn't mind that they were adopted and talked freely about it, but, it depends a lot on how open the adoptive parents are about the adoption and about sharing information about their birth family. Any adopted friends I have aren't really that interested in meeting their birth family, but, everyone is different. For some people, heritage is a lot more important..
Back to my original point, while the overall 'flavor' of this particular room is anti 'just about all' adoption, there are plenty of positive adoption forums including adoptees that also choose to adopt children of their own. I'm glad this isn't the first and last place I went to when considering adoption as the first few responses had me really second guessing adoption. My husband and I have always planned on starting a family through adoption, so when I read all the negativity and hate here, I didn't want to have anything to do with it. Fortunately though, I stumbled onto some very positive forums and we hope to adopt a sibling group in the next few years..
I do understand the feelings that can crop up when you don't know where you come from. But, somehow I think that it's even worse to not know where you come from AND to live your entire childhood in group homes and bouncing between foster care homes. For some reason, that side of it doesn't seem to get brought up here. The options are presented as though if the child wasn't adopted, he/she would be raised by their birth parents. If that was the case, there wouldn't be teenagers that have spent 13 years 'in the system' in many states. My ex boyfriend was one of those that was never adopted. He lived in 15 different homes and group homes between the ages of 11 and 17. His last foster home, he actually got his own room and his foster caregiver actually bought him things that were extra. He lived with her for one year before getting moved by the state foster care system. He moved back in with her and her son when he turned 18 and calls her 'mom.' He calls her mom his grandmother.. He would've loved to have been adopted years ago and felt like he belonged somewhere.
It's a shame to see people who were raised with love so resentful. It could've been much worse, you could've been one of those children that grew up never having ANY family. Sure, adopted family may not seem as good as your birth family, but, it sure as heck beats NO family..
If you want to state your opinion on adoption as it applies to infant adoption and agencies that pressure birth mother's to give up their children, then do that. But, to blanket state that adoption is stealing a child from a family is to ignore all those children that will grow up in foster care and group homes. What you state about adoption can influence other people's decisions to adopt. Instead of helping someone decide they wouldn't touch adoption with a ten foot pole, why not provide the tools needed to make an informed decision about how to adopt and what sorts of agencies to avoid?

psychokitty

I have never written here...but have lurked for months! I am not an adoptive parent or an adoptee...and just ended up looking around here after looking at other parts of the parenting section. I had problems with fertility problems (multiple miscarriages) and had considered adoption to get the child I wanted.
At first when I read negative comments I was shocked....but I started to think in more depth about what adoption really meant and the effects on the child. Even though it may be very uncomfortable (and it was uncomfortable for me to think about what my attitudes were), I think it is vital for adoptees to tell it like it really is to get us all thinking.

LaurieDB

I have a happy life. I've had a lot of good in it, including an education I enjoyed receiving, a nice job, a good husband, family. I also reunited with my first family 7 years ago. All of this had added up quite nicely.

Does that mean that I can't see the downsides to adoption, particularly where adoption practice and laws are concerned? Of course not. That would be rather undiscerning of me.

You only see the "negative" parts because many of us are trying to bring awareness of the areas that need change. You don't know us in our full lives, so to assume we're not happy in an overall sense is rather presumptive.

Quite honestly, if I were terribly unhappy, I think I'd be too overwhelmed by it to be concerned about how practice and law are affecting others.

So, to answer your question, I'm an adopted person and I'm generally a happy person. So, I guess that makes me a happy adoptee.

PhilM

I've had a good life overall.

I have adoptive parents that love me.
I have done well in my education and my profession.
I have a partner that I have a wonderful relationship with.

And, to top it off, I have finally found my mom and have restarted that relationship that was broken off decades ago.

Just because I think adoption is bad, doesn't mean I'm not happy or had a bad life. It just means I think adoption is complicated and overall, a bad thing to do to children.

ETA: It's not unavoidable. It's simply a lack of imaginative problem-solving. And you can't "make" anyone's life great. What you can do is help them properly process the grief. If you simply ignore it in order to make their lives "great," then you simply cause more problems. Repression is never a good thing.

Gershom

I had a good life minus adoption :)

I just got home from work, and tomorrow I get to spend the day at the beach with my girls! Life couldn't be better than that :D

amyburt40

Why do you assume that adoptees have a bad life because they tell you how they feel about adoption? That assumption alone dismisses adoptees and natural parents emotions in adoption. I had a good life with my adoptive family. I love my adoptive family passionately. My adoptive mother encouraged me to search. She knows what I do is important to me. She also supports me in the process and in the battle of adoptee rights. Why do I have to constantly reaffirm your feelings about adoption? You are choosing to be a parent. You are not saving a child. Get over that savior syndrome. You are forcing your future child to be "eternally grateful" to you.

luckyturtle

I had and have a great life. Normal ups and downs. Blessed with a wonderful adoptive family and now also have in my life my birthmother and her family, now mine too. I wouldn't want to go back in time and make changes because I wouldn't be the person I am, nor would I have the families that I have. So, yes, I am one person who is an adoptee that is happy.

purple monkey dishwasher

Im glad all the other adoptees on here had a great life, but unfortunately my sister and I did not.

My sister and I had an abusive adoption, but I like to think we're better people because of it.

Go figure when I found my birthmom, she had other children who had wonderful lives and she was able to take care of them.

Kashi

Most think adoption is a bad thing? Have their been massive studies that have shown this? If so, I am not aware of them. I hope you're not basing that opinion just with Yahoo answers. I don't think adoption is a bad thing at all. There are thousands of families looking for children. It's certainly harder when it's not an infant, and the foster care system definately needs work. But, I'm not sure that means adoption is a bad thing all together. I was adopted as an infant and had a wonderful life. When I was 30, I reunited with my birthmother and all is well on both sides.

Heather B

I've had a good life with a wonderful adoptive family.

But I don't like sealed records and I despise the way infant adoption is practised these days.

I'm ecstatically happy that I found my mother and extended family after 20 years of searching, and my adoptive family couldn't be happier for me.

I feel very happy that my gorgeous children can know their grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and Cousins, something I was deprived of for so many years.

Yes, we're all very happy in our lives thanks.

I Still don't like what adoption does to people though and make no apology for my disgust at the system.

myst1998

Not an adoptee but really wanted to support what PhilM said about there being a lack of imagination to get around adoption. The problem is, there are too many people happy with it the way it is, there are far too many people who couldn't care less about the children they are taking in so long as they get a child. There are heaps of ways to avoid adoption, the law is always full of loopholes. Problem is people want a nice tidy little package all tied up in a bow and a child they can pretend is all their 'own'. (Obviously there are some people not like this but they are rare, sadly) If people really, truly cared as they say they do, they would work it out to get around adoption and still give a child what they need. Its not rocket science at the end of the day.

tish

i have fundamental problems with domestic, newborn adoption

i have fundamental problems with revisionist history taught in american schools, which asserts that slavery "civilized blacks"

i have fundamental problems with legislation, which tells me how to handle my children's private issues; yet legislators who purport that they have the right to make private choices for their children

i have fundamental problems with people who picket abortion clinics, yet vote to cut funding for head start.

--------------------------------------

but... i have a great life. my point, it's a logical fallacy to assume that just because someone has a strong fundamental issue with adoption, that they are "unhappy."

alita6869

i was very happy as child i grew up knowing my real parents so that might have helped but happy was to be adopted

Mei-Ling

"While still helping preserve what history we can."

Often times, because of adoption, there is very little history that we can preserve.

Eg. replacing a name, immersing them into American/Canadian culture, bringing them to foreign language class but then not encouraging the "fun" aspect of it enough, taking them out to the Mandarin buffet and calling it "culture."

The Mandarin buffet is *Amercanized.* It somewhat amuses me and irritates me at the same time to see someone blog about how they said "I take so-and-so out to the Mandarin during the New year and dress her in traditional Chinese outfits."

No one even wears traditional outfits. My Taiwanese-born biological sister doesn't even wear them at any festivals. She wears normal clothing ALL the time.

Sure, I realize that they're attempts, but to really experience the culture is to go beyond the occasional dine-out at the local Mandarin. Perhaps going downtown to a more authentic Chinese shop where they cook the food Chinese-style and have chopsticks and serve tea? Now that's a more direct link to preserving what the culture is like.

Now that I've ranted about that and probably pissed off some people (who are welcome to IM me to discuss this, btw), I thought I'd answer your question.

What you see here is one side of a people. One aspect. One perspective. It does not encompass every minute of their lives, nor do you see a lot of history behind these screennames.

You can't judge a person's personality simply by what they type.

Do I complain about the loss of my first family? Sure.

Does that mean I sit here day after day depressed and thinking about how sh*tty my life? No. Of course not. I LIVE.

- Mei-Ling

Lex

My husband was adopted and he has had a wonderful life with awesome parents. Sadly, both of his parents are now gone but he is very grateful for all the happiness and love they gave him.

Kennedy Dawn Due May 21st!

My husband was adopted. He would of been better of staying wth his bio-mom & bio-dad if they were normal but they werent they were druggies & his adopted parents havent been the best parents but better than where he was....

kidmindi

Yes. I am happy with my life and I know for a fact that adoption was the best thing for me. However, it was a long, hard, emotional road that took a long time to reach this point.

My birth mother was not capable of parenting and the children she did raise were molested by her boyfriend where as I was adopted, loved and grew up in an affluent neighborhood.

Still it was very hard for me as a teenager to understand how my own mother could walk out of my life. I hated my adoptive parents for lying to me. (I wasn't told I was adopted, I found out by accident when I was 9). I remember once even calling my A mom a "wretched baby stealer"

I found my birth mother when I was 18. I got to know her and still have a relationship with her. I have learned to accept her for who she is. She is not nor will she ever be "mother material", but she is my friend and that is enough. It has to be because that is all she is capable of being.

Cheryl C

I am very happy with my life. I grew up with wonderful loving parents. I had all the love and support I could ever ask for from family and friends. Quite often I was asked if I wanted to find my birth parents and I said NO! As far as I was concerned my adoptive parents were my parents in every sense of the word. I personally dont understand how some adoptees feel like they were dealt a losing hand. I found my birth mother and I am EXTREMELY happy I was given up. I now thank God every day for my adoptive parents. If I hadnt been given up I wouldnt be the person I am today.

Adair

I am adopted and I adopted my son. I had a chance to meet my natural mother and saw the life I would have had so I can truly say that I had a wonderful life. Now I will also say that my son has a wonderful life, he is our gift from heaven and is the happiest child I know and we are the happiest parents just as my parents are.

C Wood

I'm happy with my life.
BUT
You have to understand that my life was created by me, not by my adoptive parents.
cw

AvaRae

I am a "happy" adoptee if that is the term you like. I have no regrets with being adopted and I was not "taken" my first parents gave up their rights because they were too young, etc. Now I am also an adult and had great parents who allowed me to be myself, to own my own life (in the most parts) and who loved me unconditionally. So overall I am happy.

almost human

i have moments of incredible happiness, but those moments are despite being adopted.

in fact, it is a testament of the human spirit to get beyond the profound damage first abandonment and then adoption has inflicted upon the soul.

we need to have a dialogue about the profundity of adoption. we need to ascertain when adoption is an appropriate solution. we need to dissect the subtle impacts of its implementation.

if we don't identify and acknowledge what is wrong, then we can never address any problems and work towards truly improving the welfare of children, in their best interest.

that is why unhappy adoptees sharing their perspective and insights contributes towards that end. it is a positive, not a negative, even though it may be hard to hear.

Luv Addict37

I love my family! It probably helps that my parents adopted my brother and my sister as well. I love my life!

littlemama

Hello. I have read many adoption books and articles. Actually adults who were adopted as children report to be happier and more successful on average than their peers. I think there are a lot of bitter people on yahoo answers ( and most rightfully so) but it's like anything, people are always more inclined to share bad stories than good.

A's Momma

I am completely happy. I love my adoptive ( whom I consider my "REAL") family. My birth mother was strong and loving for putting me up for adoption, but I am so happy my family is my family. I love them so much and couldn't ask for anything better.

queen

I read comments from others stating that there should be other alternatives beside adoption. However, If a child is in a foster home and the mother has abandoned him or her and other family members do not want to raise that child than adoption is the best solution. Especially, if it is a family that can provide him or her with LOVE and STABILITY. That's why there are support groups for adopted children and parents to help the family provide a positive atmosphere. There are various books to help parents who have adopted children. Too many times its other people who attempt to destroy the adopted child's self-esteem. For example, if family members or other children out of spite tell the child, " That's why you are adopted." That statement sets the tone that adoption is bad. Of course, there are some horror stories about adoption. However, there are horror stories of children who have been raised by their biological parents. In conclusion, I believe that there are many success stories of adoption but it is not published like negative stories of adoptions.

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