Are you a better parent because of Y/A?

Ollie

No Y/A has not made me a better parent.My 2 sons are now adults
if they where little doubt i would have time to be on here.

Mom to Foster Children

OMG - I don't know where I would be without "most" of you guys! I have learned more than I would have ever thought about his loss - his feelings - his emotions - his thoughts.

I wouldn't say I am a better parent for it - but I am way more compassionate when he is down and out because of the reality of his life through no direct actions of his own.

I come to YA! everyday (at least during the week) and I may not respond to alot - but I read alot and learn something new everyday.

I was one who thought (or lack of thinking) that after the adoption was over we would just go about being just like any other family and he wouldn't think about his mommy and daddy. This is CLEARLY not the case. We sat and cried last night holding the only few pictures he has of her and talked about how cute he was when he was just an infant.

For those who don't know - we adopted a little boy from Foster Care three days before his 5th anniversary in care.

Opedial

I do not think the advice makes me a better parent.

It makes me a better adoptive parent. I still rock on the parenting front, but now I am more aware of some of the issues impacting on my children. I don't agree with everything I read, but I do keep many things in my pocket for when my children are older

I Love A Child With Autism!!!

Absolutely. There are many regulars here that have opened my eyes to what my daughters may face when they get older. They have also provided great tips on how to handle it best for them. The majority of the first moms here keep me reminded that my girls have other mothers who still love them very much and will some day, when they are a little older, be reunited with in person. I appreciate those individuals who come here almost daily to help us and our kids to have it better than maybe they had!

BLW_KAM

Yes, I am.

I feel better prepared for what may be coming as my daughter moves out of her tween years into her teen years. There are issues I need to be very sensitive about and I have found guidance here.

I was torn on one aspect of my daughter's story. I wanted to shield her from knowing she was drug exposed and that her natural father was a gang member and dealer. After being here, I realized she has the right to know her full story, not just my edited version. Now if I could just figure out WHEN to tell her, I'll be in pretty good shape!

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

Well, I'm not a parent yet, but I hope to be some day, and if so I'll have to build my family through adoption. That's why I came here to learn.

Before I come to the positive side, you all will have to suffer through my disclaimer.. sorry.. I have to say it..
I have to say (I always say this because i hope some will take it to heart and better learn how to deal with newbies... anyway, I have to say that i would have learned alot MORE alot FASTER if there'd been less hatred spewed at me for being a PAP. THere are some (quite regulars) here who make a habit of this, and I have to say it did not help at ALL...I still have no respect for some of them, because they just seem so narrow minded... "All (or even most) Aps/paps are greedy infertile baby stealers, who pissed away their own fertility and now are waiting to jump on any vulnerable pregnant woman they find" There's quite alot who seem to have that attitude... Anyway.. THOSE are not the people who helped change my attitude and learn things I NEEDED to learn about adoption

Okay.. end disclaimer

I was one of the ignorant PAps that most of you all hate. I actually used to think that adoption was the best option for all involved, when it came to teen pregnancy (shudder...shudder.. please don't hate me because I was ignorant LOL). I never heard anything about adoption but the rainbow and unicorns line that many are fed.. I had alot of misinformation and wrong attitude.. thank GOD that I came here before even coming CLOSE to beginning my road to parenthood. I learned SO much.. but it was from the RESPECTFUL people who can actually see more than one side of the issue.. who don't judge me simply because i'm a PAP... it was from THEM, who presented viewpoints that were DIFFERENT than mine WiTHOUT bashing me and other APs/Paps.. it was from THEM that my entire attitude has changed and I will be coming at adoption from a completely different angle that will hopefully be much more in the child's best interest.

Just a Mom

I believe that being here has opened my eyes to the issues that my adopted children will face. When their first mom died, I found support and comfort here that helped me get through it.

I think that I was a pretty good parent to begin with, but education is always needed.

sizesmith

It has made me a much better educated parent, and through education, a better parent. But, overall, I'm not just a better parent, but a better human being.

It has made me not only understand things from my adopted son's perspective, but also my older son who actually was abandoned by his biological father.

It's also made our family communication much better, and through the reading of the answers here, my "J" has reunited with his brother that was given up for adoption, it has helped me be a better friend to my mother-in-law who placed him 48 years ago, and it has helped me to know the losses of my son's first mom, and I try to help her, and his first dad in the process. It's also made me more aware of the foster parenting process, and now, we're almost approved to adopt through there. The issues that we'll deal with in the future can be dealt with better, because I'm better educated about them.

Lori A

I'm not an Adoptive Parent or even a Perspective Adoptive Parent but I just wanted to throw out there that because of coming here I am a better friend and mentor to those I meet every day whom I know are adopted. I am more understanding to those who deal with adoptee's, and try my best to educate those who don't understand. I live in a town that is full of adoption. I didn't know that when I moved here. To some of those I am still the enemy, especially since I have been in reunion for 9 years and have a great relationship with my daughter.

Even I believed all the crap the industry spewed about adoption, after all they ARE the experts. I thought I was crazy for caring about my daughter, or thinking I would see her again. I was told I would forget.

As far as who takes what approach and how much it helps or hinders, I have to say that those who take the so called harsher approach get your attention. They peak your interest even if it's through disagreement. Some people need that approach to rock them out of their narrow world that the industry painted for us all.

Bottom line is; it doesn't matter how you get there as long as you get there. If you are the type of person who needs the softer gentler approach, then take from those who relate to you on that level. But don't condemn those who speak out bluntly because others need that to wake them up, to open their ears, to hear what the people who have lived it have to say. It is highly possible you know someone who is feeling the very things those obnoxious adoptees with bad experiences are suposedly spewing. All that matters is that in the end you understand how adoption CAN affect people who have to live it.

I have had some great conversations with some Adoptive Parents, who were outraged by this section of y/a. All I can do is laugh, the very thing that offended them is what got them to stay and listen. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be friends with the very same people who dispised me all my life. Come to find out (through here) someone was pitting us against each other, and that serves no real purpose because it takes the focus off the real issue, dealing with people who are living, struggling, and trying to make sense out of this wonderful thing we call adoption.

I personally think we do better without them (the industry) after all most of us aren't the ones with the secrets. It was no secret I was having a baby at 16, all you had to do was look at me and you knew. It's no secret that a couple who has been married for years, wants children but have none, have fertility issues. It's no secret that some kids don't look like their family for what ever reason.

I LOVE this place and all the people who speak out in it.

Indian-vision

No my parenting style remains unchaged. But it gives me awareness of many issues my child could face. There are times i read the contradictionin different adoptees and know all are unique. My daughter may or may not face some or all or any of the issues.

example- Latest that confused me. I have read that its a bad idea to change the Int adoptees name as thats the only thing from their old life. I then read a few Int adoptee blogs where adoptees said that their birth name was kept the same by their AP's. They had a hard time with kids ridiculing the name or tripping on the unique prounounciation that they requested their families change their name to an American name that also could be "International".
Just made me realise how unique all experiences are. Not to get stuck on anything to be as the "right" thingb for ALL adoptees.Go along and be supportive and be senstive to your child's needs.

Cindy B

Yes the advise i have got from here has helped me a lot.

Sonya

I don't believe YA has made me a better parent in regards to my behavior. But it has been a great source of information as I've made my own personal journey. If I were unable to ask the questions I do here (regarding things I'm unfamiliar with like vaccinations, homeschooling, etc), I could find that information elsewhere. Though it is very nice to have a less formal, more personal experience driven approach to information.

Also, YA helped me feel not as "weird" or "outcasted" by knowing that there were others out there who parented or acted similarly to myself. It has given me confidence to continue to do what I know is right despite it not being mainstream. It was motivating to hear other's success stories as I'm going totally by instinct and won't know for quite some time the overall success of my approach.

farm mom of 10

I learned a lot more on the cafemom adoption and foster/adoption lists.

I am both a biological mother and an adoptive mother. I've written a lot of articles on the subject. Here's my link if you are interested:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/150807/carla_raley.html

Serenity71

My parenting style remains the same in some ways. I feel it will continue to evolve as my kids grow and learn about the world around them and the people in it.

My approach towards some things when my kids grow into more awareness has changed in some ways. But is was going to change anyway because everyday you learn something new. I will however put my own kids feelings and ideas towards their adoption first. Good or bad.

We'll let them approach it within the boundaries of their own personalities.

Kate

I am not a parent yet, so I cannot say it has made me a better parent.

However, Y!A has made me a better person who appreciates my life a lot more and who is grateful I was adopted.

Tom J

No, this is the cess pool of hunan edification.

Yarr

I would seriously never take anything on Y/A at face value. There are so many nutty, biased idiots--take everything with a grain of salt. Even this xD

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