Are you sorry that you waited or didn't tell your child that he or she was adopted? Why not?

Indian-vision

I think you will not receive any responses from those who kept it a secret.
1) They do not read any such sites.If they do they convenientely feel it won't apply to them due to "X" no of reasons.
2) Since they propogate the "born to theory".....they do not think they have adopted and such sites make no sense to them.
3) They are often thinking of their own feelings rather than child.

BLW_KAM

This ought to be interesting. I have yet to see an AP on this forum say "I didn't tell my child or I told them later in life." Most of us here started talking with our children before they were old enough to understand.

The APs who keep secrets are hiding someplace else.

Randy B

I've known since I was young enough to know the difference and my oldest is the same way. She has known about her adoption from Day 1. Our youngest is still an infant however it will not be kept from her either.

I see no need to keep things hidden or secret. To me that implies that there is something wrong with the situation and when it comes to adoption that should never be implied. I'll always remember my Grandmother and the hard time she had when, in 1972 at 65 old or so, she found out she was adopted. Nobody had ever told her till then and she only found out when she sent back to Scotland to get some paperwork so that she could finely get a passport. Since she came to Canada when it was still more formally part of the UK she had never needed one till then.

Bee

My husband was adopted as a baby and his adoptive parents never made any secret of it. They told him that he was "chosen" because his mom could not have her own baby. He always felt normal and never had any issues with being adopted as a result. He also never felt the need to look for his birth parents but changed his mind after our son was born. As he wanted more information regarding his medical history, he initiated a search (with his adoptive parent's support) and found his birth mother when our son was three. They corresponded for a few months and finally met. It was definitely a best case scenario and all the parents involved were happy for the respective roles they each played in his life. A few years later his adoptive mom died. We are still very close with his birth mom and his two half brothers (our son is now 22). In my opinion, telling is better because sooner or later it will come out and your child may resent you for not telling them. And if they want to search for the birth parents, I would be supportive as there are good reasons to do so and it doesn't mean they don't love you and cherish you for raising them. My husband's sister was also adopted and when she reconnected with her birth mother it was great at first but as her b.m. has mental issues, their relationship floundered. The upside is that she really bonded with her aunt, uncle, and grandmother and remains close to them.

swimmer girl

I was adopted from china as a baby, and my parents don't look anything like me. from day 1 i have been told about my adoption and god matched our family perfectly. I can't imagine how hurt I would be If my parents never told me! Adoption saved my life and I will never be ashamed of adoption.

kidmindi

My adoptive mother later regretted not telling me I was adopted. When my parents adopted me, I was 2. I had been through alot of abuse from my birth mother. THey thought the best thing to do was to let me forget all of that and give me a good childhood.

When she saw how upset I was to find out that I had been lied to and how much damage it did to our relationship, she realized that they could have handled things better.

It took many years for she and I to get past the lying. That is what bothered me the most was being lied to.

mjax

I have told my 2 year old son about his adoption from day 1...and here's why.

My mother found out when I was 17 that she was adopted...by a sibling from her bio parents that she didn't know existed showing up on the doorstep...I vividly remember the shock and hurt and confusion that the entire family went through and would never do that to my own children...in the end it worked out great and 8 years later we all have a wonderful relationship with the newest addition to our family but it took awhile!

lothian505

i have known all my life...ive never regreted it.. the people that raised me.. were MOM AND DAD...

Catie's Pregnant Due 10/3

I think it is important to tell your kids the truth as soon as they are able to understand. Especially if there is no family resemblance at all. Others will figure it out and unfortunatly kids are mean. Tell them that someone else could not take care of them and gave them to you to love and take care of. It is awful when they figure it out on their own .

Kate =D

in my opinion... telling them when there older is better bcuz there more mature and wont grow up through life thinking there diffrent and unwanted and go through all this emotional stress type of thing. They might be upset for awhile but they'll get over it as a mature adult.

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