Asking your opinion on our adoption situation? We don't live near family

Asking your opinion on our adoption situation? We don't live near family - will that hurt the child?

My husband and I love each other very much and are excited about adoption (we cannot have biological kids, but we both still want to be parents & give a child or children a good home & a loving family)

The thing is, we live in California while the rest of our extended families live on the East coast. So the children would rarely see their extended families. We have many close friends & friends with children who live near us so they would not lack for socialization. And of course we are open to meeting with the biological parents' families if desired.

Just looking for thoughts & opinions.

Rosie

I'm not Wanda. And I sure as hell never said that Walter's natural mother was fat...

What hurts the child is lack of acceptance, where ever it crops up.

Some extended families accept the adopted children 'as if born to you,' and give them all the love and support that a natural born into the family would get. However, I've observed quite a few situations where they don't. They kinda make some sort of shallow effort and the child sees the differences between how your child gets treated and other cousins in the family. Not everybody signs on to the adoption just because you did.

So it's hard to tell if it would matter. The close friends is the more important of your social group, I think. They are most likely to share your values.

Your ability to provide people in their lives who will accept them for who they are is what is the most important.

Katie H

plenty of children grow up happy and healthy without actual "family" nearby. family is who you make it, weather it be actual grandparents, or the neighbors next door, or an aunt or uncle, or friends who are close with you and your husband. i have no sisters, but my son has plenty of aunties. :) Family doesn't always necessarily mean blood.

AdoreHim

I was adopted and have 2 adopted children. My side of the family all live back east as well. I never suffered from not being around them. My husband has a lot of family here and a lot of family in Canada. When our 2 children were growing up, they did not see their grandparents and aunts much even though they lived close- because they were very against us adopting. So family can be wonderful but that does not mean that it will be bad that your child/children are not close to them. I hope you have a great relationship with your family and that you are able to see them as much as possible when you adopt your child/children.

LinnyG

Ditto to what Sunny said. He will only miss HIS family, not yours. You will be a stranger to whatever child you adopt. Your far-away family will not be missed- they are just more strangers.

Only adopt through foster care. Newborn adoption is full of coercion and fraud.

It is always good to socialize with family but when the kids get older they will learn how to do that. See them as often as you can. I wrote letters to lots of my cousins who live far off and now with e mail and video, things will be easier. Of course make sure the kids have friends of their own around the house. Luck

grapesgum

Yes, it will hurt the child. The child would better off with his/her natural family who can offer a much richer extended family environment than with you can. The poor child needs his/her natural family far more than total strangers. This is just another example of the cruelty that adoption inflicts on innocent children.

Sunny

He'll miss his own family; not yours.

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