Assumptions, assumptions...?

Debbie Downer

African Americans won their civil rights; women won equal rights. None of them were easy battles and it took a LOT to change people's attitudes and assumptions about the topic.

It's no different with the adoptees speaking out...they want equal rights, to be treated like equal citizens, and it will take a lot to change others' assumptions and attitudes about this.

The ones who don't want to have their core beliefs challenged are the ones who will resort to making excuses and dismissing them.

MamaKate

Dear Mei-Ling,

You know what they say about assuming. "It makes an a** out of you & me."

I think you will find that there are many people who are either ignorant or closed-minded (or both) when it comes to adoption. There are people who want to feel that adoption is all "peachy-keen" and will ignore or make and attempt to invalidate anything that they disagree with.

Adoption is a loaded, multi-faceted issue and there is NEVER a blanket statement that will cover everyone or every situation. Adoptions are like snowflakes & people and are ALL unique. Sharing opinions, experiences and ideas is one of the things that makes adoption such a facinating topic and will be the catalyst for the changes that are so desperately needed. People who cannot see all the sides are NOT the ones who will benefit from these discussions. They cannot open their minds wide enough.

There are others however, who ARE listening and learning and willing to speak for change. There are many intelligent and caring people involved in adoption who have ALL kinds of perspectives and thoughts and can see the problems AND the benefits. THESE are the people who will bring improvements, help each other with individual issues and in my book, go down as the "heros" of adoption.

My personal experiences have ranged across the board from positive to negative and I am able to see several different perspectives - NONE less valuable or more important than the others. Each is very real in my life and each can be used for or against me, but NONE of them encapsulate entirely my views. It takes the BIG picture to really "get it". I speak out about the things that I feel need improvement but am still able to support the things I feel are right.

REALITY is neither black nor white but MANY MANY shades of grey. Don't let people's stereotypes and labels silence or upset you - they are part of what we are changing by speaking up...

ETA: Well said, Jenna!

sunny

It's a handy way for a non-thinking, lazy person to 'win' an argument.

A very low blow...

a healing adoptee

because they can. most people feel the system is perfectly fine. so they don't want reforms that will help all that are involved in the adoption process.

Tati

ummm cuz people don't often complain about a positive experience

Marcus

Because they probably did. I am adopted and happy and don't have a reason to complain.

But my friend who was, and DID have ahorrible experience, complains all the time. He just refuses to get psychological help. If he never gets help, he will end up like an old grumpy man that is never happy with anything.

Sophie

For the same reason some people in here assume that most children adopted through international adoptions are stolen... they are IGNORANT.
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YES- too many people judge others when they have not walked in their shoes.

igÂ·noÂ·rant:
â€“adjective 1. lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned: an ignorant man.
2. lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact:
3. uninformed; unaware.
4. due to or showing lack of knowledge or training: an ignorant statement.

JoHn S.

It's kinda like when an adoptee states they have had a great life and they are happy, some people assume they are in denial, or a 'fog'.

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