Average age adopted children find out they are adopted?

Torrejon

One of the things that absolutely amazes me about adoption in the USA is the LACK of statistical information about it. No one even seems to know exactly how many adoptees there are, how many children are adopted each year. The powers that be claim that private adoptions, etc. make the record collection and keeping impossible. In today's world, with today's technology...that simply sounds insincere and ridiculous.

Personally, I believe that adoptees should be told they are adopted the first day they live with the afamily...even babies who can't understand the words yet should be told. That gives everyone time to start practicing the conversations that should continue for the rest of their lives.

aloha.girl59

My son has always known. Adoptive parents should talk about it starting the day they bring their adopted child home...even if it seems like they are "too young" to understand. That way it's not a big shock when the child finally realizes that his parents are not the ones who gave birth to him.

Sorry, no stats. It's different for every family, unfortunately. There should be a law in place that adoptive parents HAVE to tell their children they were adopted on day one.

minimouse68

I cant remember a time when I didnt know that I was adopted, it has simply always been a fact of my life. As for a persuasive speech about adoption, there should be no such thing. Adoption is not a good thing from the point of view of most newborn adoptees......fact is i spent the largest part of my childhood feeling hurt and abandoned by my first family. I felt as though I mustn't have been good enough for them to want me.

H******

They know right from the start, when Mommy is gone and doesn't come back. It's a trauma that is remembered on a cellular level, in the subconscious because they experienced it. They were actually there when the bond was severed.

Babes are not blank slates but thinking feeling little people

7rin

I've known since I was old enough to speak, but some're less lucky: http://7rin-on-adoption.dreamwidth.org/tag/late+discovery

Walter Ford II

Adoptive parents lie so much about the truth that there are not any reliable stats out there.

Alot of Aps that adopt infants will b/s and say they let the child know from day 1 but there are just too many adoptees out there traumatized because they found out they were adopted in there early 20's.

Pip

Can't give you statistics as I don't know any. This would be difficult to answer anyway because babies and young children are generally told so it depends on the adoptive parents decide to tell them. Older children will always know they were adopted because they will remember being adopted. My son always knew he was adopted (as an infant) which is the right thing to do. Babies/young children should always be told in a way that they will understand as they have a right to always know. Not to be honest is living a lie.

It would be far better to write an impartial speech on adoption as that will be honest and well balanced unless you write one on older child adoption from foster care.

AdoreHim

I was adopted as an infant, and my husband and I adopted 2 children. I was told at such a young age that I don't even remember. We told our children from the beginning as well. When our 3 yr old went with us to finalize our youngest child's adoption he knew why we were there, (at least as much as a 3 yr old could understand). To me it is the best to tell them as early as possible, because I believe that those that find out later, (either by their parents, or someone else), have a harder time coping with being adopted because when it is kept from them, they can begin to think that there is something wrong with adoption. I am thankful my mom and dad told me early.

cricketlady

I would say that 95% of All children adopted from foster care These days are told at a very young age that they are adopted---most just grow up knowing that.

Adoptee, and proud

When and How to Tell Adopted Children That They're Adopted

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2000, 1.6 million, or 2.5 percent of all children under the age of 18, were adopted. With the number of adopted children rising, especially in international adoptions, many parents are in more need than ever for guidance on when and how to tell their children that they are adopted.
Adoption experts offer the following advice for parents in any stage of the adoption process.
When to tell children they're adopted
"Immediately "Obviously, a 1- or 2-year-old is not going to comprehend the complicated facts of adoption, but he or she can start becoming partially aware of their special identity,"

How to let a child know he or she is adopted
I advise parents to be authentic with their children from the very beginning because this breeds trust. From the moment that they are capable of understanding, parents should begin telling their children what they can developmentally comprehend.
One way to approach a young child is to explain how babies come into the world, and how an adopted child's situation is different. For example, using whatever language comes naturally, a parent can explain that babies grow in a woman's pelvis, pointing out familiar adults who are pregnant as examples.
Parents shouldn't fear saying the "right thing" either. There is no correct language or method to use when telling a child she is adopted. "You know your child best, "so approach the discussion in the way that you feel is most appropriate."
You might consider using something like the following explanation: "You didn't grow in Mommy's tummy. You have a -birth mother' and you grew inside her. She loved you very much. She couldn't take care of you herself, but she wanted someone to take good care of you. Now, you are my child and I am so lucky to be your mommy."
Children may only understand a very small fraction of what has been explained, but, as they age and are able to understand more detail, parents will be able to build on an existing foundation.
"This way, a child's adoption is never a shock or a surprise,". "Instead, it is a part of his identity and a natural part of his/her life."

What not to do

i warn you against approaching discussions with children about adoption like it is a "big deal." Children are very astute and know when their parents are tense or upset. They react to adults' emotions and may feel that the topic is something that they should feel upset or ashamed about.

Celebrate their differences

When raising any child, differences and similarities should always be celebrated. "The individuality of any child, adopted or not, should be embraced. It is important for children to know what makes them different and unique, as well as how they are similar to the family and what their role is within the family. Even though your child is not biologically connected to you, it is OK to talk about how he or she is similar to you - how they behave like you, have the same interests, etc., as well as how they are different."
If your child is of a different race or culture, celebrate those differences as well, "Encourage the exploration and celebration of the art, language and culture of your child's country or ethnic background. If possible, introduce your child to people of the same background. By not embracing the cultural differences of your child, you send the message that you are not accepting of them."
to talk about connections - how, like the bonds of love and family, they are not dictated by biological factors or bloodlines. For older children, offer an example to which they can relate. Maybe they have a friend that they love very much and explain how that love is not predicated on factors like biology. anyways- tell your child immediately and as they grow they will learn... i was told immediately an it isn't such a big deal for me and it never was...
i hope that REALLY HELPED.!!! LOL...

PEACE OUT...
.

Dido

It is kind of a private matter, so there aren't any offical statistics, and so many parents just integrate it into the infants/toddlers life that one can't really state one age. hH know as young as possible, typically so they grow up knowing and never remember being told.

Tina Dave

depends on how u tell them not the age

Molly

I don't know an average age, but our son just turned 4 he asked why this one lady visits him and brings him presents and always wants to hug him in the grocery store. so we figured it was time to explain that he was in her belly. He was fine with it. I have been told they should always be aware of it and they make kids story books on adoption to read to them from day one. adoption is a wonderful thing, if it is done correctly, morally and with attention to the needs, feelings and respect of all parties involved.

LazyMuthaFucka

10-13

Sachsy

age twelve. they will understand but not care

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