Been rejected by my birth mother?

cantstopLinnyG

Hi! Im sorry you are going through this. Please join this site:
http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/

There are many adoptees who have gone through what you are going through.

Your relationship issues are very common with adoptees, too.

Just a warning- you may get some replies HERE that will tell you to get over it and that you should have never searched. You and I and everyone at the above link know better.

Hope to see you there!

kzdre

Wow Blinky Jill that was a **** thing to say .. Are mothers who have relinquished their children merely things that give adopters babies? Having her baby for 8 weeks and then having someone else take it probably was so painful that it left unhealed wounds, and maybe she just can't face the guilt after such a severely traumatizing event such as that.

mom to be

I am sorry that your bio-mother was so harsh. Dont take it personally. Sometimes things do not make sense. Please realize that you did nothing wrong. She is the one that had things going on that she could not work out. Good luck and keep your head high.

snowwillow20

I can't say why she would be so cold, except she probably has a lot of fear and guilt and she probably just couldn't handle it.
You did nothing wrong. Maybe she had kept you a secret and didn't want anyone to know what she had done.
As a firstmom, I hate what she has done to you yet again. I could never abandon my child again. If I could take away your pain I would.
Keep up the counseling.

Tilden J.

You didn't do anything wrong. Some people are just not cut out to be Mothers. Maybe she is trying to spare your feelings, because she is as afraid as you are. You have to understand, that she has blamed herself all of these years, for giving you away. That is a hard pill to swallow, even if you have forgiven her, she has not forgiven herself. I know it must be painful, but let her come to you. She will come back, in her own time. Good Luck.

Possum

I don't think the pain ever fully can ever go away.
It fades - but certain life events can trigger the sadness & hurt.
I don't think people ever truly get over loved ones that die - and it's a similar thing - although there is the added pain of rejection also.
It hurts to the core to be rejected by the one that carried you for 9 months.
That's just the truth.
Have you tried to find her again??
Perhaps she was in a really bad emotional state - and just didn't know what else to do - but to run away.
A lot can change in 8 years.
I'm so sorry that you're hurting so much.
I know that pain - too well.
Do visit the adoptee forum. It's a great place.

Freckle Face

Lizzie,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please know this has nothing to do with you. It sounds like your mother has some things to work out. Linny gave you a great resource for support, check out adultadoptees.org.

Good Luck to you:)

Mei-Ling

"Your birth Mother was really only a vehicle to bring you into the world and because you were adopted at 8 weeks there was probably not much bonding on her part."

Ignore the person who said this - they have no idea just how tramatized a mother can feel if she has had to give up her own child and cannot face the emotional pain due to unpermitted grieving.

Come and join us at adultadoptees.org/... you will find much understanding there.

LovetheLORDfirst

Try to remind yourself that it is nothing You did that made your mother reject you. She has her own issues, and it is good that you still love her in spite of them. Keep trying to contact her once a year or so, and hope that one day she'll get it. As for you, you are a beautiful person. Try to not let it get you down too much.

God bless you!

kookooberry

My heart just aches for you. I am so sorry.

I think you would definitely benefit from talking with others who have been in your shoes. It won't make the hurt stop, but at least you'll know you're not alone.

allchildrenareangels

I am so sorry.

Crucio

I am also sorry that your reunion did not go as you had hoped. As others said its not your fault , your Nmother may feel to guilty contact with you could have brought up feelings she thought she had dealt with. Try to think of some of the positives like that you did get to meet and see your Nmother and talk to her some before she ceased contact. Perhaps she will one day be open to contact again.

Bouvier

First, no one wants to be rejected...........Secondly, and certainly, not twice in life, especially by their mother.

I think that talking it out will help you in some ways, however, that wound may be "in you" forever......it's how you handle it, turn it around, or overcome it that will help you in your life going forward.

There are some positives here for you if you look at them.......You were able to reconnect.....some never have that........you did obtain some very important information about your mother while you were conversing with her.....some never have that.....There IS still hope for the future........people change their perspectives all the time as they grow in life, meaning, she may want to reconnect again at some point.....remain hopeful. Continue to write her letters and mail them, if they come back, put them in a box, and save them, read them from time to time yourself, this too may be helpful to you.

The long and short of this is that I am truly sorry that this connection was severed for you once again, I wish you hope and peace with it all.

Birthers are NOT mothers

Sounds like you will be better off without her

Ouida B

OMG I am so sorry that happened to you. I adopted and pray that this does not happen to my daughter when she finds her birth mother. She's not supposed to get in contact until she's 18 but she's 14 now and eventually I think she'll search and find her parents. It's too easy to find people with the internet. I just hope she's not disappointed.
I don't think you should blame yourself for your biological mother's actions. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! I think for your own sake, I'd find out as much as I could about her. She just might be unstable...

sally dana

but you got adopted by loving parents. wished i was in your shoes. look i am not adopted and i was never given up for adoption. but i suffered a lot with my parents. they got divorced when i was almost nine. I went to live with my mother and she was awful tome she would always abuse me she would always hit me. her boyfriend would molest me when i told her she didn't care and there's my dad he was never there either when i lived with him he treated me like his slave not a daughter. and my stepmother was mean to me. and my mom's family have always made fun of me and blamed me for what my father did to her .while they had been marry. he would always abuse her and cheat on her. when i left my dad and my mom I got married later on in life. what is really sad that when i had my kids they didn't even come to visit me in the hospital not even my mom's family and its a big family. my husband family came but they made fun opf me that none of my family came to visit me or offer any help.maybe you are better off without your birth mother. you have does wonderful adoptive parents that really love and care for you what i would give to have parents like that even if they are not my real parents. I would have rather been adopted than to have the lousy parents that I had to stand.

Cybil_Bennet

It can get better or worse based on you only I'm afraid. You have to realize that this was a closed adoption, she did not expect (or maybe even want) to be found. I won't pretend to know why she disappeared after being in contact, but I could imagine that hearing from you was very hard, and she may have regretted her decision and speaking with you was just too much for her. It is kind of self-fish to make contact just to ignore you afterwards, but she did let you go for a reason, and there may be other factors involved as to why she left again. Maybe she wanted you both to go on with your lives without obsessing over the past.

There will never be a magic source to make you feel better. Meeting someone, having therapy, nothing will take your feelings away until you come to some personal epiphany. You need to remember that you have had a decent life with your adoptive family, and that they love you very much just like you were their bio daughter.

Blinky Jill

Your birth Mother was really only a vehicle to bring you into the world and because you were adopted at 8 weeks there was probably not much bonding on her part. Your adoptive parents love you and are your family.
There are woman around who are non-maternal and do not feel emotion for their children and your birth Mother may be one of those people.
It is also possible that it took a long time for her to recover from the trauma of birth and the adoption and she does not wish to revisit this time again at her age. The fact you have had some contact will mean that she knows you are alive and well and that is all she needed to know.

The pain you feel will ease with time and you will be able to accept what has happened. Please try to put all this behind you, none of this is your fault so do not punish yourself or people around you. Good Luck. I have had this experience in reverse and know how you feel.

linsm

As a mother who did not raise her baby, I feel for you. She owes you an explanation to say the least. I can only wish my daughter wanted me, as much as it seems you want yours in your life. Mine is okay when I do for her, then the next minute I am nothing to her,

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