Biological Kid's Reaction to Adopted Siblings?

cantstopLinnyG

You should ask about how an adoptee feels when their adoptive parents have their own children. Not good. It points out the fact just how different we really are- VERY. Yes, we know our parents loved us, but its a kind of love/bond. You've had children..you know the bond a newborn has with it's natural Mother. It is impossible for you to have that bond with an adoptive child, as you did not give birth to the baby. Its a biological/scientific fact.

eta; It's not sad, hun, it's just the truth. Thats not saying a child cannot bond with an adoptive parent, it's just different. Its the same thing with our siblings. I have my sister I grew up with, and I love her, but we are NOT related & have nothing in common & are nothing alike. I just met my natural siblings after 42 years, and we are all exactly alike. I love them all, but it's just different with adoption.

Jennifer L

There was an adjustment period for our bio son when we adopted our two younger children. My bio son was 13 at the time, my adopted children were 10 and 5. He went from being "spoiled only child" (his words) to "instant big brother" (ditto!), so of course there was some adjustments.

One of the biggest challenges has been keeping him in a sibling role instead of being a third parent. But 3 years later, his little brother absolutely idolizes him and my bio son is the biggest cheerleader at his soccer games. He and my daughter took a little longer to find a common ground, but now that she is a little older they have things to do together (hanging out at the mall, etc) and get along well.

Don't underestimate the adjustment period of the biological kids. Though they aren't dealing with adoption, their world just got turned on its ear too!

Expendable

When I was 4 my little brother was born, i'm adopted and he is my adoptive parents bio son. I love him very much and when he was born, I was the one who wanted to change his diapers and dress him! I guess I thought he was like a doll, lol. But we are very close, i'm the one who tries to keep him out of trouble and helps him with school, and he actually taught me how to play the guitar after he learned. I miss him and my parents very much now that i'm in college but we still visit eachother a lot. right now he's got the most annoying new girlfriend X(

IDK!!

She was just 1, but was very welcoming... I think it took her a while to figure out he was staying.

SofiaS

As the sister of an adoptee, I can tell you that I was thrilled to have a sister (I had wanted one for years). I was seven when she was adopted. We are extremely close and I can't imagine life without her.

Lizzii

My parents adopted my brother when he was 6, I was 6 as well, he is three months younger than me and I loved it, he was like a best friend to me.
Now, at 16, not so much.
We're not "best friends" but we're not "enemies" we used to fight a ton, now we don't but we rather not hang out with eachother 25/7. He's like another sibling, haha.

Rivkah

My kids were used to having foster kids and minors that I took on as clients coming in and out of the house (and it's a big house, with plenty of space to be alone if they want to) so it was no big deal. We got them when they were babies, and there was a lot of "awww, they're so cute!" even from my youngest daughter, who was only two at the time.

Flying Monkey #073177

Three of my sisters are my adad's bio kids. We don't act or really feel like sisters at all imo. I am way closer with my biologically related sister even though I have known her for far less time.

lucyrules

its a hard time..
trying to get them used to each other is hard and especially if there is major age difference as they dont have so much common things.. it can be very hard for both sides but i think more the adopted sibling as they dont feel like its home.. when your bioligical child is much olde he/she can think they are the boss.. when its the other way around the sibling can think as they are new they should rule the roost.. and when its simular age they need a time period every day where they have to be together but then a time when they can separate.. its hard at first but as long as you ensure rules that you would to every other child it should be fine..

littleJaina

I was 4 when my parents adopted two of my little brothers. They were (at the time) 3 and almost 2. At first I was VERY excited. We'd visited with the boys in their foster homes quite a bit by then, and I loved them. I HATED being an only child and was thrilled to be getting siblings.... but that didn't last long.

Over the next 5 - 10 years I went through alot of emotions dealing with the adoption. The first problem is that my adopted brothers were mentally retarded, and no one had really prepared me for how to deal with THAT at all. To be fair, the state had very much misrepresented the situation to my parents, so it wasn't entirely my parents fault that I didn't understand exactly what their situation meant. The state had told my parents that even though my brothers were alcohol syndrome, most of their problems and delays could be "fixed" by being in a loving home - HA! The first disappointmens came when I realized I could not play with my brothers AT ALL... The older one didn't even like being touched, and neither of them spoke - and that wasn't a situation that was being magically fixed just by living in my parents home.

When my parents first took my brothers to a neurologist (after the adoption) he had a completely different story for them. The boys were both extremely damaged from fetal alcohol syndrome. They also both showed potential signs of other pre-natal substance abuse. The older one also had problems that stemmed from lack of nuturing as an infant. (He was on the streets with his mom for the first few months, and then in a TON of foster placements, including group homes, before he was adopted at age 3). The neurologist said it was unlikely the boys would reach age 10 before having to be institutionalized.

Happily, the neurologist was just as wrong as the state. The boys didn't ever become normal children, instead they were retarded special needs children, but not so severely that they had to be institutionalized. Even so, it was a real struggle for me as a child. It wasn't helped by the fact that my parents had a baby only 7 months after the adoptions, and another baby 5 years later. I was starved for attention. I was confused at why my family life had gotten turned so completely upside down. I was agry and ashamed when kids teased my brothers - angry at the kids, but also angry at my parents for DECIDING I would live a life like that.

The biggest thing, the worst thing, was how angy I was at my self. I loved my brothers, I really did. The thought of something ever happening to them made me sick and terrified. I wanted to protect them. Yet, somehow, I never really bonded with them. I did bond, some at least, with my biological brothers, well enough to KNOW that I wasn't bonding "the same" with my adopted brothers. I was ashamed of that. I thought it made me a horrible person, and it caused me terrible guilt. The worst part was, with my parents constantly being praised for "taking on those unfortunate boys", I couldn't even tell anyone how I felt. I knew that if I once voiced those feelings, then everyone would brand me as a heartless monster.

We're all grown up now - or most of us anyway. I'm 27, and my adopted brothers are 26 and 25. They have had their struggles, and life isn't totally rosey, but they're doing pretty well. They both live in (seperate) group homes, each about an hour from our home town. The younger one lives in a more secluded and larger group home out on a farm. The older one is very active in his church and lives in a much smaller and less intensive group home in a small city. He has a part time job and many friends. One of our younger brothers is married, and the other two still live at home. All in all, I think the adoption was a good thing. We all learned from it, and grew.

I still encourage adoption, espescially from foster care, but I am careful to caution parents to really watch their family after the adoption takes place. They need to pay special attention to family dynamics, and make sure everyone is working through things. Both the adopted children and the biological children should be encouraged to talk with counselors periodically just to make sure things are going smoothly. Adoption is a VERY valid way to form a family, but it is a different way. Because it is different, there will be different feelings, and children need to understand that that is "ok". Every family doesn't have to be exactly the same.

Good luck!

Roberta P

They loved getting a little sister. They were 11 and 12 at the time. They were both very supportive of our decision to adopt, yes, we asked their opinions and views before adopting. We even let them choose her name, that we added to the name the orphanage gave her. They even went with us to China to bring her home.

They love being big brothers to their adopted sisters. It is not all happy, laughing good time, they all fight between themselves. It is funny to watch a toddler "fight" with a teenager.

Sonshine

my bio daughter was very sad that I released her sister - she was only a child at the time. she is hoping for a reunion soon.

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