Birth/bio fathers..?

btownznd

Hey there....I am a adoptive mom of two. Both parents voluntarialy terminated their rights. In fact the father came home from out of state to sign the paper work. The sad thing is he had every opportunity to get custody of both his children back. The visits were going well, the kids missed him....but then he stopped going to the visits and just left, moved out of state. He said he had no other choice, that there was nothing here for him. He stated that he had to go to find better work. Not to mention his new girlfriend/fiance was being stationed out of the area.....
He didn't call or attempt any contact for almost a year. I sent him pictures and a letter after the adoption to let him know....please keep in mind I fosterparented the children through a kinship...I've know my childrens bio parents for over 17 years.....
he mailed the whole thing back, pictures and all. He claimed that I did it to be mean...that this was done to him....that he fought for his children...that the "State" took his kids away without letting him know anything about it. Now, within the past couple of weeks, he's called wanting to talk to the kids and do things for them. I don't care for it because it sends a messege of false hope at this point. Not only that but he'll try to thank me for "watching his kids for him".
I've had to make things very clear at this point after a year and half of no contact, that these are legally my children I adopted them and became their parent. The oldest doesn't want to talk to him right now, and sometimes I'm looked at to him him he has to....but I won't. It's his choice. My position is to protect my children and look out for their feelings and needs. If he doesn't want to talk...he doesn't have to. He'll never be forced just like he will never be denied.
There is no open adoption in my State. Contact is strictly up to me and there are no rights for the biological family members, but I do try to keep there family in contact. Great grandparents, grandparents and aunts and uncles.

amyburt40

I don't know too many dads.

Here is a link to a blogger:

http://nevyn.wordpress.com/category/adoption/

http://www.eriksmith.org/

I know that CUB has one as their moderators on their email list.

sam22254

I don't know any of them that did that. but i have saw first hand what is like to have a child taken by adoption with out the father's consent. My son has a daughter from the same woman and she moved out and into another man's house 2 months after they broke up and then moved and hid the daughter only to be told by a Friend of her's that she was pregnant and giving your child away, child born 2 days latter and out of area 2 days after that and the fight for the child return (2 years). It is wrong and this needs to stop it's happing all over the us but people don't want to talk about that
They just want to call all father's dead beats. So what is the answer. I'm not sure. the mother decides to keep baby then father pays and gets to see his child (which is good) other way (mother gets out of raising her child and father is kept in wondering where his child is (even if she decided to give the child to the father she don't want to pay child support to him.
what has this done to my son and the sister of the baby. more damage than you could ever dream of. he doesn't date for the fear of this happening again. keeps his daughter every weekend he can and gets to see his son once a month in 3 states away for the weekend ( for right now)

Lori A

HeyRachael, I am anxious to hear the answers to this question as well. Someone suggested that we get a blog. That would be on you. To me it sounds like something on the floor at the tail end of a cat. I hope we can get some good input on this. As you well know your father was so gracious about the whole adoption and I never knew that it affected him as much as it did. Us finding him has completley filled his life. For the rest of you, this man was never bitter but for what ever reason he did have pretty much an empty life. You should see him around her. His face lights up like it's Christmas morning. He shows her off too, carries a picture with him all the time and proudly tells everyone who she is. Love you so much it hurts.
LoriA

Lillie

My n-father was one of the main drivers in my adoption.

6 months after my birth, he married my n-mom. They only had one other child together, 8 years later, then divorced a year after that.

My father was a pretty sad and lonely person; quite anti-social and when I found the family he was very angry. It took him 8 years to come around to meeting me and when he did, it was very healing for both of us. He opened up to me and told me many things but the main thing I took away from the experience was that he was just a very unhappy person. He passed away shortly after that meeting.

I can't say if it was all a result of my adoption, but his life definitely took a lot of wrong turns.

Mustang Sally

I am not a father but I wanted to say hi Rachael and I hope you find the answer to your very good question!

The situation that Sam mentions is highly unlikely. If this is truly what happened, then her son has a case to nullify the adoption. Did her son petition the court where the adoption occurred? If he didn't take the time to do that, then he basically gave up his rights.
Also, based on the horrible grammar in Sam's message, I wonder how truthful any of that story actually is.

Sam, if this story is in fact true, then I am sorry to hear that. The adoption process is not perfect, but your story is by far the exception, rather than the rule.

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