Birth parents what situation were you in that you felt that adoption was your only choice?

magic pointe shoes

Aw, weak sauce question. My parents made it perfectly clear, it was my choice but if I was to play house and try to keep my baby, it would not be in their house. In four weeks before he was born, do you all think you could put your big girl panties on and be prepared for a newborn? Not me apparently.

And then all of the woohoo for having adoption being a loving choice parade came out. And the having a new start and a loving family who has been waiting for your child parade came through too. Who was I to compare to people who have been waiting years and years to become parents and would be thrilled with the idea of pregnancy and a baby.

And if that weren't enough, my doctor exploited me and coerced me into a match with son's parents. By the time I actually met them, I thought it was God's will and that I would never ever hurt these people by my own selfish desires. Except, really now, which is selfish, keeping my son to parent or wishing for a clean start without a baby holding me down being complicated. Hmmm, I'll take your selfless act and trump it with the selfish act.

AND, if that weren't enough, the birth and hospital process treated me like a non-being. I signed relinquishment papers based on 15 seconds of physical contact with my son outside of the womb. Not one person asked if I had the opportunity to hold my son.

I was called a birthmother before I birthed or relinquished. I had very limited counseling on options. The entire process was loaded to make sure I chose adoption and disregarded any other options.

But whatever. I 'chose' it and thus I'm damned for my own actions and inactions.

gypsywinter

"I understand some people weren't ready to parent BUT Those that felt forced to place their child up for adoption what put you in that position?"

I am from the 'Baby Scoop Era' generation of unwed mothers. Read Ann Fessler's book..'The Girls Who Went Away', for the answer. Read at NSW Origins also.

Ann Fessler is making a documentary film based on her book, possibly to be released this year. She will be using some of the taped audio interviews/voices of the natural mothers whose true life experiences are in her book.

Flying Monkey #073177

A social worker told me what my choice would be. I had two options, relinquish and let him stay with his foster family as an adopted child or have my parental rights terminated and he would remain in foster care. There was no choice to be made. The only choice I had was how to do damage control.

kitta

I am from the "baby scoop era" in the 1960s, and was interviewed by the researcher Rickie Solinger for her book "Beggars and Choosers."

My parents made arrangements for me to be sent away from their(my) home when they found out I was pregnant and that the father had abandoned us. My parents could have helped but they chose not to. My father said"Don't come back here with any baby in your arms."

They believed that an "illegitimate grandchild" would destroy their professional business. Today, they regret their decision.

I had been going to college when I got pregnant, and my son's father, was a college graduate with a job.He didn't want the child..

I had no resources, no options, no home, and was underage(under 21 which was considered adult in those days), but I still tried to get help. I found an agency that offered temporary care, but it was a scam.(today, that agency operates as a family service agency. It lost its adoption licence because it scammed too many people, and it was sold to different people).

Other violations included the fact that my baby was taken from my body by the hospital nurses right after he was born. They refused to bring him back, until my doctor intervened for me. I think the nurses must have been gettingkickbacks from someone. They wouldn't let my relatives see my baby either...until the doctor forced them to allow it.

I was staying with relatives in a guardianship arrangement, that my parents had set up.

The agency I found gave me a contract for temporary care and then ripped the contract out of my hands. Then the worker began to call me and tell me I had to sign a relinquishment.
I kept begging my father to let me bring my baby home. He said no.
The worker said if I didn't sign the relinquishment I would be terminated in court. I knew that agencies did do this to mothers, and I didn't want my son to be afraid of me. I had heard that kids were afraid of terminated mothers. So I signed the relinquishment to avoid court termination...and frightening my child.

My father is sorry he forced the adoption. He says it was a mistake.I did find my son, who was also looking for me. He had a very abusive adoptive home.

Adoption turned out bad, as bad or worse than I thought it would be.

dontknow86

I was forced by my unloving, hateful drunk mother. She was going to throw both me and my baby girl on to the streets. I was taken to a home for unwed mothers and told to sign her away. That was the only choice I had.

Carol c

I never had a choice. Initially my father told me he would support me if I wanted to keep my child; but between my mother; the social worker, the Booth Home they sent me to - even he was worn down. Everyone insisted they knew what was best for me and I should just do the right thing since I was too young to raise a child; especially by myself. I begged and told everyone that I would find a way to raise him but to no avail.

This was 1966. Most women during that era that found themselves unmarried and pregnant; were given the same advice.

Cambria

According to my Bio-father, my bio-mom's mother was the one who made the decision and it was based on my bio-parents being 16 and them being Catholic. He said he didn't even know until after it all that she was even pregnant. Her mom just took her out of school and told her she was putting the baby up for adoption.

Not to say that it was only bio-gma's decision. My bio-father has said that (although he felt bad saying it) he was very relieved to have everything taken care of due to his age and maturity level and although I am not sure about my bio-mother because I haven't talked to her yet, I am willing to bet that there was a combination of social and familial pressure along with some relief about not having to raise a baby at 16.

Philippa

Adoption wasn't my choice, it was my parents choice.

I was 19 and working so there was absolutely no reason why I shouldn't raise my son. My parents were adamant my son was to be adopted so they arranged everything with the adoption agency who, between them all, blatently lied to me. Due to that and having no support from anybody I didn't stand a chance.

Serenity71

We came into it long after any choices were made by our childs birth mother.(Before that we didn't even know she had been born.) It was only when she needed to placed into a home did we recieve a phone call from our social services dept to ask if we would accept the placement of a 6 month old baby girl for adoption. Then three days later we met her for the first time, and started the transiton process to bring her home. (Shopping around for agencies doesn't happen here, people who start looking into adoption learn that fast.)

The onlu Christian agencies I know of here are Bernardos and Centre care, and they are regulated. Meaning they have to follow the same procedures and approach as the govern- docs do.

And I did ask about what eithics and changes happen these days in our local adoption. I didn't go in blind, nor desperate for a baby.

suzanne

It was VERY important to me that the expectant mother we worked with not feel coerced or forced into placing her baby with us. I could never parent a child that could have been parented by their biological parents. When she was in the process of truly deciding if she would place or not, she asked me what she should do. I told her that she and only she needed to make that decision. She would be the one living it everyday for the rest of her life. I know that our agency felt the same way I did and that made me feel SO much more comfortable about the whole situation. In the end, so chose to parent and is doing well.

IDK!!

The only thing that mattered to me was that this was right. I wouldn't trust ANY agency, not even the one we hired to take care of our private adoption. I trusted myself and his family. We all knew what we could expect from the agency and they were just the people put into the process and we all did what we had to do to reach the same objective.

I refused to buy their crap and to do what they thought was "right". We do what works for US (all of us), who cares about "PC"? We do what feels right, we call when we want, we visit when we want. We know where each other lives, no secrets, no possessiveness. Just a big family who loves a great little boy more than the world.

allchildrenareangels

I would not use an agency. I don't like what they do to potential first moms.

Michelle

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