Can I adopt my stepdaughter if her mom is still alive?

daviimom

It is possible but the only way that can happen is to have her mother's parental rights terminated. Start documenting every bit of contact from "mom" write down the date and time if she calls, visits, or sends any support as well as every time she doesn't. This will help to prove her lack of involvement in court. Being that if you alledge drug use they will test mom. Don't warn her that you and your husband are taking this action so that she will not have time to clean up her system.

You will definately need a lawyer. I'm not sure of your financial situation but there are organizations and private attorneys that will help with this type of case fpr free. Investigate! Looki into her police record and keep that information along with your other documentation. But based on what you are saying things should work out in your favor. Best wishes!

momwv

Yes it is possible.
First thing is to get yourself a lawyer. Second, start documenting everything you and your husband know about her ( ie: if she is suppose to come get your daughter and doesn't, if she calls and is obviously high/drunk, is suppose to pay child support and doesn't < this can be preoven through whatever child support system your state has> anyway you get the idea)
When you go to court, it will be decided if her parental rights will be terminated or not.
If they are, you will be legally allowed to adopt her.
If not the judge may make some other stipulations,( an example ~ the *mom* may have supervised visits and that would continue even if something happened to dad and that you would get gaurdianship or he may say 6 months supervised visits and if *mom* continues the way she is now then he would terminate the rights.... it's really hard to tell what the judge will do untill you are there)
When my husband adopted my daughter a few years ago, the process was ( all done by the lawyer) that we filed the paperwork to have a hearing in front of the Family Court Judge. There was an add placed in all local papers< for two weeks> informing the *biological father* that there was a hearing and that he had the right to a lawyer.
then we went to court ~ my ex never showed so the judge asked us a few questions and then said that my husband would now be the legal parent/father of *our* daughter.

anyway , yes it is possible, but it may take a good lawyer and some time and patients ( as well as some good documenting of everything!)

hope that helps some

c r

Document everything that is done and everything that isn't done by this woman. Every call or visit and especially every missed call or visit. It will show a pattern of instability and inconsistency that the courts will find are not in the best interests of the child.

Get the drug use documented! If you have the resources hire a Private Investigator. A lawyer is going to be a must, unfortunately. (Sorry lawyers..us poor folk have a hard time with the fees.)

Is she staying current on her support payments? If not keep hitting her in court for payment. Ask the judge to find her in contempt of court and put her in jail till she comes up with the payment. Does her drug habit will cost just about what her support payments are and would she be willing to terminate her rights to have the extra cash on hand? Talk to the lawyer about offering her visitation (with reasonable limitations) after the adoption. That way she can have her cash and basically the same contact (grrrr) while you and your family have peace of mind.

How does her family feel about the way she treats her/your child? Is it possible to enlist their help with a promise of continued contact with their grandchild?

S C

There is two way u can choose to adopt ur stepdaughter.
1. Talk to her biological mother about ur wish when she is cool and has a head which will understand the situation. Tell her that if she agrees for the adoption then its good for her also. She will get free from worry and she also don't need to stop loving her as mother. she is her mother so she is always allowed to meet her daughter. No restriction will be on her, except harming daughter.
2. U move to court of law and produce evident of her not being in a condion where she can take care of her daughter. And ur husband being his father, has all right to fight for her daughters adoption and possession. I hope th ecourt will give decissionon ur favour if she is really an addict.
BUt both r opposite way and first u should try to take the step no. 1 before takeing step no. 2
If u find my answer worth watching then tell me ur final decision.

LisaHW

As long as the mother has retained her parental rights you can't adopt the little girl.

If something happened to your husband, and if the mother were not fit to care for her daughter, the courts would have to find someone to care for the girl. They often look to biological family, but I'm guessing if there's no biological family and if you expressed the wish to care for the child that's the way you could get custody.

I don't know how binding this would be, but your husband could prepare a will and state that he'd like you to have custody of the girl. It can't hurt, and it may help in the event anything happened to him.

Rebecca

It depends the state you live in. I live in Kansas and I am going through the same thing, except the mother signed over her rights. But see what the laws are on child abandonment, document everything, and never ever let the mother know what you are planning on doing. In Kansas, the law is if a parent does not have any contact in 2 years, then the court will terminate the rights themselves. However, have you ever asked for the mother to sign over her rights? I asked my stepdaughters mother that, and at first she said never. But about 4 months later, she did. I did make sure to point out to her how she was hurting my stepdaughter and she would be better off. The mother is money hungry and once she figured out that she would not have to pay child support any longer, she was all for it. So good luck and I hope I shed a little light on the situation.

momof3boys

If she won't sign the rights away then you would need a lawyer and to file adoption papers and then you will only be able to adopt her if the courts take away the mothers rights and allow you to adopt her. If the mother stays gone for a year without paying support then it would be a lot easier to get the rights taken away but I have seen drug addict parents get there kids many times just by going to rehab or staying clean for just long enough or whatever. Just get a lawyer ASAP and find out your options and get the paperwork started but you better make sure there is lots of proof that she is a drug addict. Does she have a police record for drugs? Do you have witnesses that seen her use drugs? Has she ever harmed your stepdaughter? Does she ever show up high to see the girl? Has she gone to rehab? Is there a medical history of being admitted to the hospital because of drugs? Gather all the information you can and tell the lawyer and go from there. I would worry to if I was you. If the courts are allowing visits then yes the mother can take the child back if the father dies but if the courts take away her rights she can't do it or even if the courts find her unfit and only allow supervised visits that would make it hard for her to take the little girl but i would make sure to get a lawyer ASAP.

Erica N

My sister is in a similar situation. You need to show the court that she in an unfit mother, try to find people who have seen her drug use and will give statements and depositions to that effect. Family court judges frown on drug-using parents.

BPD Wife

I would recommend contacting an attorney. Perhaps they can start legal proceedings to terminate her parental rights on your behalf if you can prove the drug addiction, etc. Your attorney will best be able to advise you what to do.

Good luck to you.

sukatx

This may turn into a long legal battle. The first step would be for your husband to take the mother to court to have her parental rights removed. He will have to prove she is an unfit mother. Once that's done, you should be able to adopt.

I suggest you hire a reputable family law attorney who is familiar with the laws in your state.

Good luck!

The bitter wife

Only if you can get a court to terminate her parental rights.

fairy

ok you would have to do one of 2 things have him go to court and get her rights taken away which shouldn't be a problem and then you could adopt her. or he can go and file for custody. there will be a court date and all and if she doesn't show up he will be named the custodial parent. then he can get papers drawn up that state that if he should die you would get custody. in the last case she could still try to get custody but would have to hire a lawyer and everything.

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