Can adoptees please answer this? I'm 5 months pregnant, and want to give the baby up for adoption?

Adoptionissadnsick

Adoptee here - You are the person your baby has chosen, and the only one the baby won't ever have to "learn" to love or bond to. Upon birth your baby will know you.

Before planning an adoption, at least give your baby the honor or being born to you, held and parented by you for a few weeks before you make any decesions.

It is impossible to describe the changes that happen to us, as mothers during birth and the initial bonding with baby...anyone you chose will never be as good as you - at least in your baby's opinion. It doesn't matter how educated, rich, well traveled, fun or loving the strangers picked to raise your baby are, no one will compare to you. Without you a void will form in your child, a sadness and longing that may never get filled.

If you knew you weren't made to be a mom, I believe the kindest thing to do is not bring a baby into the world. I WISH my mom could have had a safe legal abortion. Life without you will be miserable for your baby.

Gershom

don't make a match online.... i have nothing else to say.

grapesgum

I think that the most important factor in your decision is whether or not you want an open adoption. If yes, then choose adoptive parents who you trust to keep their commitment to the level of openness that you want and who you feel you can have honest communications. The last thing that you want is people who you make you feel that you need to walk on eggshells or else they will cut off contact.

Rebel Cowgirl 10/13/07

well i am adopted . when i was a first born my mom left me in the hostpital she was 15 or 16 and well i hate being adopted and not to no my really parents. it hurts me every day to not no who my mom is every day i have so many questions rolling around in my head my did she leave why did she not want me. and i have to live with the feeling of my mom did not love me and wanted to leave me there in the hospital. so if i was you i would not put my child up fpr adoption only because i no what it is like to be adopted and well really i hate it and cant stand it at all.i want to no my really mom so bad but you no after all of these years i dont even no what i would say to her. i dont even think that i would want to no her she left me and did not want to no anything about me ever she noever wrote never called never came to my birthday and well. it hurts me to much to even think of doing something like that to a child and having them live though the pain and discomfort i have my hole life. i am 15 almost 16 and well i am still hurting and all the pain and everything hurts me all the time i see all of my friends with there moms that love them and well i dont no who my mom really is and that hurts because i see everyone else happy and i am not because i dont have a mother........

Torrejon

If I were in your situation, this is what I would look for: a stable marriage, both in good health, financially able to support a child, willing to establish a trust fund for college education expenses, ethical family morals (ie religion), one parent willing to stay home with the baby for at least the first few years (ie not put the baby into day care), willing to work with you concerning contact you might want in the future, a supportive or at least accepting extended family (these people will be the baby's grandparents, cousins, etc.).

I'd ask the parents WHY they want to adopt a baby. What do they hope to give this child? How do they intend to make that happen? There are no "right" answers to these questions, but somewhere in the answer you should hear the word LOVE. I'd also ask What If questions: What if the child is not brilliant/beautiful? What if the child doesn't live up to their expectations? What if you divorce? What if one of you dies? Again, no right answers, but listen for an answer that shows a serious commitment to the child...a "we're in this for the duration" answer.

prttylilrebel

That is wonderful that you are considering adoption. When placing a child for adoption, you should seek advice from an adoption agency, one that is reputable. 2 DO NOT sign anything until you are absolutely positive that you are ready to and have throughly looked the papers over.
An adoption agency has several families that they are working with. They do a background check, home study, mental health check etc. All to ensure that your child will be going to a good family. They will then tell you that have a few families in mind and they will arrange a meeting for you and the prospective adoptive parents. You have the say in weather or not your child is placed with them. If you do not like them, they will keep looking to find a family that is to your liking.
I was pregnant at 19 and my son's father wanted me to place the baby for adoption. We went through all the motions and then in the end I decided not to.

texascutie

I was 6 weeks old when I was adopted by 2 very loving parents who at that time were unable to have children. I can tell you that I was adopted via Deconess hospital and adoption center out of Oklahoma, City and I think through a Christian organization but the details of how it all worked are not that important. My birth mom who I have never met and don't know a whole lot about was not ready to have a child...she was not financially ready and would have been a single mom. I know that she loved me so much that she wanted me to have the best life she could provide....and that meant not rasing me but giving me up for adoption. I have a deep respect for what she did and how hard the choice must have been. Thank you for choosing to give your baby the life that it deserves. My parents treated me the same as my younger biological brother, paid for my college and wedding. They truly love me and I know they are extreamly grateful to my birthmom for the blessing she chose to give them.

kepsaw

I was adopted when I was 20 days old. I have wonderful parents. Both of them taught school mom (43yrs.) dad (32 yrs.). They have been married for 53 yrs. and I have NEVER saw them fight or have a heated argument. I'm not saying they never disagreed, but they have a healthy relationship. I would look for a couple around the 30-35 year old mark. These couples are usually established in their careers, homes, have dependable transportation, and are mature enough to raise children with love, patience, and understanding. I KNOW you are doing the right thing. I believe God will show you the right couple to raise your child as if he/she is their own. God Bless You!!!

Tsunami

Look its in God hands what they get you can try and make sure they are good people but sme of the worse can lie and therefore you would not know. its just trial and error. i know i had a good life much better then my siblings cause i was adopted out if i had known my mom and dad i would have been in bad shape i am sure. i had one sister that was abused big time and shes not a mess in foster care and 1/2 mind is gone so you see its just luck i guess take care.

Crucio

Well I was adopted at 3 year olds, however I had been with my family since I was 3 weeks old. My lifeâ€™s been good my parents have been there for me and have treated me no differently then their biological children You might look for a couple thatâ€™s in their late 20â€™s early 30â€™s. You might prefer someone that is of your religion if you are religious. You are making a good choice even more if you donâ€™t want to be a parent. No child should be stuck with a parent that truly doesnâ€™t want them.

Elizabeth

well i was adopted through family friends. my biological mom knew my now mom's best friend. so that's how my now mom adopted me. i think u will just have a strong feeling that this is the family that the baby should go to. also they should probably be on the younger side cuz then they'll have a better chance of living for about 18 years(until the baby becomes an adult and can live on own)

Zigs

Of course they were good! My parents wanted a child and could not have one, being able to adopt was a dream come true for them. It can be difficult to be a child and know you're adopted, because sometimes the child feels 'unwanted' because they were given up. Sometimes it can be scary, because the child may worry that their (adoptive) parents may want to give him up too if he misbehaves, or on the flip side, they worry that their (birth) parents may come and try to take them away. So there are anxieties to being an adopted child, but I would say they are irrational fears (all kids have irrational fears!). I know some non-adoptees who say they used to worry/think they were adopted at some point in their life!

As far as who to choose to be parents for your child -- you should do what your heart tells you. I know that is not very helpful, but.....well, for example, my parents were older and not really the kind of people who would get very far on "the list" of accepted people to adopt a healthy baby - my dad was sick with a disability and they were both older. But a birth mother chose them through private adoption - she saw their picture and read their story and knew they would be good parents. Otherwise they probably would have never had a chance to even be parents. So if you do choose to give your baby up, be careful about who you choose. Put a lot of thought into your decision. Remember that a family that may not necessarily be the most "traditional" may wind up being the home that cherishes your child the most, because your child will be a gift - a dream that almost did not come true.

flmermaidia

good for you!!!

KayKay

I first want to say that I hope God will watch over you through this and help you make a decision about what is best. Next, I encourage you to seek counseling. You are faced with a life changing decision and you sound to be very mature for your reasons to place a child for adoption but its a decision that you need to make sure you are completely ok with. There are many good, good, adoption counselors that can assist. (not persuade you, but assist you in making a decision)

I am adopted and now due to fertility issues we are waiting to adopt our first child. I can tell you that adoption is a positive thing if its done for the right reasons. I thank God every day for my adoptive parents because my life was forever changed by them. I have a relationship with my birthmom. I am 100% for open adoption and it would be very hard for us to accept a placement where the birthmom wanted it to be a closed adoption. I honestly don't know if I could. As much as I desire to have a family and be a mother, I whole heartedly believe a closed adoption is so wrong for the child. I say that because I hope that in your journey you will seek some counseling and choose an open adoption in the way that your child will atleast know things about you as he or she grows older. It will give them what they need later to feel complete! Trust me, I know.
Here's how I feel about adoption and being adopted and I have said this many times:
I thank God for my birthmom and my adoptive parents. One gave me life, and the others taught me how to live it!
Good luck in your journey and may God Bless you
Kelly

momtosix

Not an adoptee here, but my neice and nephew were adopted after my bro and his wife trying for 10+ years...You have no idea how much they love those children and cherish them! Thank you so much for doing this...Our lives would not be the same without our little Faith and Joseph!

Also, our family is white, and Faith and Joseph are a mix of black and white...Not a biggie...

Giliathriel

I was adopted by a single mother. I love her to death--we're very, very close and I don't feel "out of place" in the family--I'm one of the family, if not by birth, something much deeper. We've hit hard times--we've never had a lot of money, but the love is priceless. Setting up the adoption before the baby is born is always the best way. I wouldn't change anything about the way things happened to me--in my opinion, they're the way they're supposed to be.

As for the parent, I don't think it matters if they're young/old, as long as you can tell that they're loving people that will make good parents.

I am a woman who adopted. Let me tell you that it is possible for you to pick your own baby's adoptive parents. I was chosen by 3 birth mothers before I got to adopt my son. The first two birth mothers decided they could not give the baby up. But I visited them, my husband and I. I should them pictures of my life and now that I have the baby, I send them pictures and updates every few months. So they watch him grow and now he loves sports and he is very out going. Asking others what to look for in an adoptive parents is really a hard question. I ask the birth mothers once why they chose me out of all the other prospects and they said when they saw my photo album of my life and read my letters, they just knew.
So Dear heart, I say the same to you. Start meeting with people that are screened by an agency because they make us go through and FBI and criminal back ground check and then pray and you will know what to do. Good luck and God's blessings

E M

Good for you for giving the baby up for adoption rather than aborting. But if you don't ever want to be a mom, please take more caution next time so you don't end up in the same situation.

patty

You are in a very tough situation but you are making the right choice. My daughter gave up a little boy at birth l3 years ago and she definitely did the right thing. He is in a good home and she can have limited contact. good luck

Kim

Thank you for not aborting. Pray and ask God to help you find the right people to adopt your baby. God Bless you really big!

Beverly W

i was adopted 47 years ago,by a family who still holds me dear, i do not have ill feelings towards my birth mother, she did the best thing for me. i would love to adopt myself, my husband cannot have children, the old saying is true "adopted children are special because they we picked by god to go to a family who needed them" may god bless you, my parents were not young when they adopted me, but they were terrific. i wish you peace and joy.

teajaze

My husband and I want to adopt because we are unable to get pregnant without medical intervention and we want to share our lives with a child (or lots of children!). Children are wonderful and can open a whole new world to parents. Listening to the funny things they say, watching them learn, and helping them make good decisions are all things that we are looking forward to. I think you should look for parents that are stable financially and own their own home. Think about the things you like or don't like: animals, camping, big family, small family, etc. and look for those things that are important to you in the family you choose for your baby.

angela10angel

I am not adopted but my husband and I cannot have children on our own and are hoping to adopt because we desperately want a child to love and spoil. ;)

I work for a non profit foster agency which also does adoptions so I know quite a bit about the process and there are several ways you can go about it. 1) You can search the internet for an adoption agency that you feel comfortable with and contact them, they will guide you the rest of the way 2) you can tell your doctor you want to give the baby up for adoption and he or she will be able to set you up with an agency or a private adoption 3) do you know anyone who might want to adopt or who might know someone who does?

Whatever you do please try to set something up BEFORE your baby is born so that it does not go into foster care. There is nothing wrong with foster care PER SE...but it is not the best situation for your infant (not all foster families want to adopt and so your infant might not end up in a permanent home right away).

As far as what to look for; FOLLOW YOUR HEART! I don't think that the age of the couple or anything else really matters...what matters is the vibe that you get from them (you will know if they are going to be right for your child, you will just know).

I know that my husband and I would be honored to be chosen by a birth mom. We have struggled with infertility for three years and have shed many, many tears because all we want in the world is for a child of our own to cherish. When that day finally comes we will do anything and everything for that child and they will be the center of our universe. Just to let you know...I am 26 and my husband is 30...but through my job I have met many other couples of all ages and all walks of life who feel exactly the same way about adopting. Couples who cannot have children on their own will cherish and adopted child THAT much more because they had to wait so long and so through so much heart-ach to get their child. That is how you will know. ;)

Beverly

My husband and I want to adopt or do foster care. We have 2 children one soon to be 17 and one 4 we would love to have another but don't want to go through another complicated pregnancy.Thank you for not aborting!

kilts_and_kimonos

Well, I wasn't adopted, but I can tell you that you've made a great choice to help someone out who can't have children. My neighbors at one point were a family that had three girls and two boys- the two boys having been adopted. Their mother couldn't care for them, and these people took them in when they were already a few years old. It was hard to make them understand, but as they grew up, knowing they were adopted, they knew that everything was best- they had a family that loved them and supported them and nothing could be better than that. There are so many couples that want to give their love to an infant when they can't have their own, and infants are so hard to adopt in this country. You're doing a wonderful thing, and I know your baby will be well taken care of!

yeehaneeha

Hi! I'm a birth mom too :) I just gave my baby up in August. I went through a Christian organization so that my little girl to grow up in a home with good morals and values. I really wanted her to have at least one parent stay home and the other to be around. I thought it'd be nice if there was a sibling. I also wanted someone interested in pets or had one because pets are a big part of my life.

I think you really have to look at what you think the best parent would be. What would you want a child to have when growing up. I made a short list and weeded out the profiles that I felt didn't fit what I wanted. Then I went through the ones I liked and really read them carefully and made a shorter list. I came down to 2 possible famiies. I picked the one that I could relate to most and what felt right.

I know it sounds strange, but you have a feeling of "the one". You just know it's the right family and you have a feeling that you know that it's the right family for your child. You could meet the prospective parents and change your mind about them. I had a rough time even though I knew it was rigt. I went with an open adoption, you may choose different. Good luck finding a family and I hope that everything goes smoothely!

GuestMommy

Contact http://www.buckneradoption.org/

They are a Christian organization that seeks to place children in loving, Christian homes and can also help you with counseling in this decision. My sister was adopted at birth, and I never got to meet her, but knowing that she was placed through Buckner gave me more peace of mind in knowing that she had a chance at a good life.

Let me also beg you, as an adoptee, to consider counseling before you give up your child for adoption. Even when children are placed in a loving home, whether at birth as my sister was, or at an older age as I was (adopted by my maternal grandmother), there will be emotional trauma involved because the birth mother "didn't want me."

Professional counseling, whether through Buckner, or a church, or another source, will help you identify all of your feelings and concerns and help you to make the best decision for your child and yourself. Whether you choose to maintain custody, ask for open adoption (where you can sometimes retain visitation or other contact, or ask for a closed adoption, prior counseling will help you to be assured that your decision is not one that you will later regret.

Remember that even the best of parents, yourself included, will never be perfect. Despite all of our best efforts, parenting is a difficult path. No matter what you choose, whether that be to give up your child to a family who cannot have children of their own or retain your child and raise him / her yourself, there are times when the path will be difficult. A professional counselor can help you think through this decision.

As for "what kind of parents" I had, my adopted family was not perfect, but they chose to raise me, and for that I love them deeply and unspeakably. Look for a family who will love your children as their own. Again, I highly recommend Buckner as a starting point.

God bless you as you deal with this tough situation.

Tara <3

Fist I have to commend you for your decision. My husband and I adopted our son through foster care. He is our angel an answer to many prayers-(due to infertility issues)!!! My child is my life I gave up my job to stay home with him. I waited 3 years to become a mommy & now I can't stand the thought of being away from him.

I wanted to answer a few of your questions.

I am 25. I feel age shouldn't be a factor in your decision.

Some questions you may ask a perspective family for your child are..... Are they financially stable? Will the child be placed in daycare? Is there a large extended family so the baby can experience grandparents, aunt's uncle's, cousins ect.. and how do they feel about adoption?? ( I have a very large extended family and they welcomed my son with open arms. They love him and accept him the same as if I'd given birth to him myself.

Only other women who have experienced infertility can understand the pain of not being able to have children. The empty nursery. The longing to hold a baby in your arms. The void in your heart and home that longs to be filled by a little miracle. Your decision to not be a mom will be the dream come true for someone else. It is truly the best gift you can give someone. God bless you and good luck with whatever decision you make!

Sam G

My parents were awesome! No matter what I did, wrong or right in my life, my parents were there to love and support me. We were always close and I valued their opinions and thoughts greatly.
You should really go with an adoption agency to help you pick parents that have had back ground checks etc. My husband and I are trying to adopt. We have a profile on itsaboutlove.org Just type in samandguiseppa and you can look at our profile. You can also look at many other potential parents for your baby. This agency is awesome. They are all about finding the right home for birth mother's babies.
You are a brave person to give your baby up. You are doing such a selfless act to help a family that otherwise could not have children.
We really would like to have one more child. We have been blessed with three children, one of them passed away 2 1/2 years ago. He was three. See, I am a carrier of a rare genetic disorder. It is the "Bubble Boy Disease". I had no clue until my youngest son was born and became extemely sick. He had no immune system to fight of infections. He went through so much in his short life. If I were to have anymore children biologically, they could very well be born with this disease. I can't stand to loose another child. I have had my heart broken once and that was enough. I am still recovering and have my bad days. This is why we would like to adopt. We have a big enough home, money,love and a brother and sister to share a new life with.
I would really like to talk to you if you would like. You could check out my profile here on yahoo or email me. Whatever you would like to do. Whatever happens I hope you find the perfect parents for your baby. You are an amazing person to do what you are doing for someone else. Take care!

Seppa

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