Can any AP's answer this question for me?

spydermomma

I think it is heartbreaking. I feel so much for the woman talking (Lynne) and also for her mother who will probably never have the relationship with her daughter that she could have had if she had really listened and faced up to the racism and pain faced by her daughter. I hope she watches the movie and really, really thinks and feels and cries about it and that she can then tell her daughter how sorry she is for not understanding.

It also makes me think about my daughter and the pain I know she will face growing up as a person of color (Chinese) in a white family and a country and world still struggling with racism. It makes me think about how much I didn't think about before I adopted transracially and how much I still have to learn.

Here is another video clip I think it is important for adoptive parents to think about. What this mother talks about I think goes a long way to helping our internationally and transracially adopted children be able to feel like whole people. We need to really listen to them and validate their feelings.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBydHpfIZnw

The whole movie seems as if it will be very moving and from what I have seen from the clips, very important. I see that it just became available (I've watched these clips before but it wasn't out yet). I'll have to order it!

Randy, maybe this will help: here are a couple of links to more videos of the same woman:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrHNKC452G4&feature=channel_page
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qz4e6PQUhxY&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI7q3ppQKxs&feature=related

opedial

I think she is in a great deal of pain, and her parents were not aware of how adoption would affect her.

sweetjane

I think it is heartbreaking. While I am sorry for her struggles, I hope that--by giving a voice to the 'other side' of adoption, her experience will teach others to look at their own lives and make positive changes for their children's' sakes. This video reminds me of how far I have come as an AP to a bi-racial child....and how much more there is for me to learn.
<<Foster to adopt mommy

Linny G

I cant wait... You're going to get....
"Well, this woman is crazy!"
"This woman is ungrateful"
"Her adoptive mother SAVED her & this is how she acts?"

As an adoptee, I sob every time I watch it. I felt the same way, and I was the same race as my a p's. I cannot imagine losing my country & my language in ADDITION to losing my mother.

***eta*******
To the a p's who say "I adopted children from my own race, so I didnt have to deal with this issue", you are sadly mistaken. We don't look like you. We don't act like you. We are not related, except for a piece of paper stating the adoption was finalized. We lost many of the same things, except our loss is not as visual. Yes, we love you. Yes, you love us. But being the same race just makes our pain easier to ignore. I wish "Adopted:The Movie" was mandatory for every pap to watch, whether the adoption is domestic, or transabduction.

Gaia Raain II

I'm not even adopted and it makes me tear up. I grew up in my own biological family, with people who looked like me and even acted like me often times. But I was the "black sheep" in many ways, and not only was that not acknowledged, my mother attempted, often, to just beat it out of me.

But I digress...this is about adoption. I think it must be acknowledged that adoptees are not of the same bloodline. Certainly, this doesn't need to be a topic of discussion every day, and it doesn't need to be shoved down anyone's throat. But it should be acknowledged, ESPECIALLY when the adoptee ASKS for acknowledgment of their reality!

Thanks for posting this. I've seen all the videos, and they are very thought provoking. This movie is on my wish list.

Sofiakat

I think it is really sad. I think that this woman's mother did not look past her own insecurities and issues with the adoption long enough to acknowledge that her daughter had valid pain, valid feelings of not belonging due to racial differences. i think her mom saw exactly what was most comfortable for her to see.
I feel very badly for this girl.

kateiskate

I'm guessing randy b is not a transracial adoptee, because as a korean transracial adoptee like lynn conor, I completely identify with what she is saying. Please PLEASE adoptive parents take from this and learn!!!

Heck yes, Linny G. I cried major tears on this one!

eta: thumbs down huh? looks like some aps and paps can't handle the truth.

HappyMomAnna

It sounds like this young lady was raised by an adoptive mother who was not willing to validate her daughter or her daughters heritage and feelings about being adopted...

Very sad for all the people involved and hopefully something other adoptive mothers, parents and extended family can become educated and aware of before continuing this kind of emotional harm.

My adopted children are the same race as me--however, clearly a different complexion. When we are in public an often heard comment to my little girl is, "Where did you get those beautiful brown eyes?!"

My daughter and I have become so used to this comment that we automatically look at each other--burst into a smile and in unison respond with, "M's eyes are just one of the gifts from her (my) biological mother!"

Why should I feel any other way then pleased with my little girls natural beauty and genetic features... She won't need to ask me to Look at her and see who she is later in life... I know and respect who she is... I know and validate the fact that she didn't come from my genetics or body... I know and respect that fact that she is the girl-and woman she will become based on many factors including her genetics.

We can write a list a mile long with the unique talents, features and personality traits that have been added to our family by way of adoption. My husband is completely tone-deaf, lacks any sense of music and couldn't dance to save his own life. We spend nearly every evening as the main audience for the performance of our biological siblings we adopted... and witness the proof that our family has gained some Real Talent... Our home is filled with the voice, piano, guitar, and drums which our children have natural talent and desire...

We love to see this quality WE don't exactly have ourselves... We are in awe of the fact that We know there is something genetic about natural music talent... We find it a joy to learn about those things our children find interesting--or natural even if we can't do the same things ourselves. How blessed is our family to have added something to the family we are?

Our home would be so much less and so unreal if we didn't recognize the fact we are parenting two children who spend at least a few hours a day singing Karaoke and beating on the drums together. We could have seen this in them and said, "We are not musical nice you are" and left it at that... Instead we decided to get a piano, and see what happened. Then a guitar, and drum set... some video equipment, some amplifiers and mikes... some lessons with people who Can Teach them to use their natural talent....

Our home is filled with the Beat of a different drum and a harmony that has become the soundtrack of our family.... At the end of a their performance We all know that our little ones didn't get this from US... and thank goodness they didn't get it from their tone-deaf dad! At the end of the day our little ones know they bring a smile to our face just because they are who they are! At the end of the day it's a thrill when they see their father Gain a New Note or learn a new move from Them...

How silent our life would be today if we had not noticed the natural parts of who our children are? What an honor it has been for us to witness the new things our children have brought with them to our family and our extended family! What a privileged it has been to be a part of something we would never have been part of had they not been who they are...

Hopefully, adoptive parents are becoming more aware of how damaging it is when we fail to validate who our children are. I hope that in the future no child will grow up with a mother not willing to see who they really are and validate them 100%.

AdoreHim

My husband and I adopted 2 children within our own race, so we did not have to deal with this- however, we almost adopted 2 hispanic children. At the time, over 20 years ago there was an issue of adopting children outside our race, through the county that we lived in. If we had adopted them, we would have never have denied the fact that they were from a different race and culture- and we would have helped them learn as much about their culture as possible. When I watched this video, my heart went out to this girl.

Freckle Face

Dear Windy City,

This video really bothers me. You have to see your child for all she/he is. My children through adoption do not look like me. I love my children for who they are on the inside not the outside. At the same time, I have to recognize their beautiful brown skin, deep brown eyes, and ebony curls. I have to teach them the value and beauty found in their uniqueness.

No matter how i love my children, the world will see them and judge them on their "looks". I have to prepare them for that, its my job as their mother. Part of loving my children is seeing all of them. The whole child. My child needs me to empower and educate them so they are able to function in the "real" world. Its not fair and its not fun but its my child's reality.

Burying your head in the sand and avoiding reality doesn't help anyone.

tish_part deux

yikes! talk about denial... my heart cries for this woman. and i hope all who wish to 'europeanize' ethnic adoptees take a good hard look at this video.

mommyof2crazybabies

My husband and I have been looking into adopting a child and from an AP standpoint I think the A mother was too insensitive and kind of heartless on the matter. When adopting a child no matter the place the child is coming from, I think the feelings and concerns of the child should always be taken into consideration. If we adopt an Asian child I would feel it be only right for the child to embrace their heritage and visit their country so hopefully they will grow up not questioning themselves. That is my take on it, I hope it is a good way of thinking. Correct me if I am wrong. This is something I want to do right.

Julia

I adopted two bi-racial children last year. My son is five and is already aware that he looks different than his family. I can understand where her mother was coming from. I don't see my son as being different from me or my husband. He is MY SON. That is all I see.

I know he will have struggles with his identity at times. We have attended some training on what to expect and hopefully can properly address those issues with him when the arise.

Randy B

Some share those or similar feelings and some do not. It think it's that womans experience and her feelings and I hope she find the peace she seeks.

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