Can my husband adopt my son?

I found out I was pregnant right after I broke up with my boyfriend. I let him know that I was and for a little while he pretended to be interested in the pregnancy. The last time I heard from him was when I was 7 months pregnant, so I didn't call him when I went into labor but had my sister-in-law tell him that I had the baby at work the next day. He never showed up to the hospital, never called or anything, so I didn't put him on the birth certificate. I had my son 2 years ago, and I haven't heard a single thing from him, but he blames the lack of communication with his son on me, says that I kept him from him. I never called him or emailed him again, no, but I wanted him to show some interest in his own son, and he never did.. despite the fact that he had my email/phone number/address. I have since gotten married and moved from NC to CA, and my husband wants to adopt my son. I'm afraid it'll be a big legal hassle, but I'm not even sure it's possible with all the given conditions. How do we go about getting the adoption taken care of, when I'm not sure where his bio dad lives anymore? I'm also afraid that if we do find him and ask him to terminate his rights, he'll suddenly want to spend time with his son... and this would cause us a lot of grief since we live on the opposite side of the country.

Sorry for the length, but it's a complicated situation. Can my husband adopt my son? Could his bio dad come and reclaim rights? Would/could this force a move (from one coast to the other) for one of us?
Additional Details
I didn't move until 2 months ago. It would be a headache for me if he wanted to suddenly miraculously be a part of his son's life, yes, because I've moved on with my life. I was in the same place up until 2 months ago.. he had plenty of time to contact me and he never did. He drove by my house *every day* and never bothered to stop and see how his kid was doing.

Lioness

You have to check into the laws in California to determine what you would have to do. You may have a case, given that the biological father knew how to contact you, and knew where you lived. My guess is that he might have an initial burst of wanting to have contact, but I think it would wane pretty fast. I definitely could be wrong, but he has provided none of the support, financial or otherwise, since your baby was born. I also doubt that his family has urged him to get in contact with you. If such had been the case, he would have been in contact a long time ago. I think he is curious about his child, thus him driving by your house to catch a glimpse of him. And no, it would not force you to move back to NC. He had his chance to prevent you from leaving the state and he let it go.

I am Queen Cheese!

The best thing would be to go to a lawyer with your ex-boyfriend and have him waive his parental rights. When he signs the paper saying that he gives up all parental rights, than your husband can adopt your son.

If your ex-boyfriend does not sign the papers than your husband can not adpot your son.

This may help give you more information
http://www.jud.ct.gov/probate/termination.pdf

I had a friend whose mother got remarried, and her new husband wanted to adopt her and her sister, but couldn't until my friend's biological father signed away his parental rights

cantstopLinnyG

Umm, you may have "moved on with your life", but your baby has not.

It seems maybe there have been many instances of miscommunications between the both of you, and who gets to suffer? Your child.

Your "grief" due to moving across the country is really not the baby or the baby's father's problems. He can contest the adoption, and force YOU to pay for arrangements to get the child to him. It happens ALL the time.

Also, if you do this in a back handed way and he gets wind of it, he can overturn the adoption, and possibly get FULL custody. That would be really grief filled.

Do the right thing. Find him, let him know his options. If he choses to give up his rights, fine. If not, figure out a way to deal with it.

Im sure your husband adores your son, as your son does him, but that does not change the fact that another man is his biological father, and that father and son have been kept apart by the stubborn actions of his parents.

â€ Lawrence Râ€

Your husband can adopt your child.

Since you didn't have the biological father's name on the birth certificate, it would take a blood test to establish paternity so, in that respect, the bio-dad is not involved. If there is nothing certifying his parental rights, he's not a roadblock.

alleycatjo

It will be a big legal hassel.

You will have to hire an attorney and petition the courts to terminate the bio fathers parental rights..

If his name does not appear on the birth certificate it may be easier for you.... In Ga, they require you to run in the paper for 30 days your intent to terminate parental rights as to possibly locate the father.... If after 30 days he does not respond, you can go on ahead with the proceedings....

If you can also prove abandonment you can have his rights terminated... Abadonment is on a state by state thing... In Ga. I believe it is one year with no communication....

I would suggest hiring an adoption attorney. Because this is your OWN child, the cost will not be the typical 20-45,000$ price range..

Valentina

I understand your point of view. Think about who you want taking care of your son if something happened to you.

kim

I would never let a man adopt my child to another man. No matter what has happened in the past. How would it cause grief for the father of your child to establish a relationship with him? Or would it be an inconvenience to you and your new husband because YOU moved across country. I might be sympathetic if that statement wasn't written. If you don't know where he is how do you know he doesn't know where you are? I've seen a lot of men pay for not continuing a relationship with the mother. And when I say pay, it's the mothers using the children to make the men hurt. Good Luck though. Just keep your child's best interest first. They deserve to know both there biological parents.

Katie R

Has he been paying child support? I don't really know the legal ins and outs of adopting, but I have heard it helps if the bio dad hasn't been paying child support. If it doesn't help, you could still use the fact that he hasn't been paying child support to "persuade" him to give up his rights. Just let him know if he is willing to give up his parental rights you won't go after him for all the months of child support he missed. I might be talking out my butt, but it makes sense to me.

asjaeb2cute

if his real dad not doin anything for him

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