Can someone explain to me how this person's answer got 18 thumbs down?!?

bluestareyed

probably because they are the focus of someone on here who has multiple accounts and doesnt like them. its petty, its stupid, and it happens all the time.

as evidenced by my own rating here.

Tobit

I think the answer got so many thumbs down because of the word "selfless." Adoption is not a selfless act, and it is important to recognize this. Someone who adopts has a real need. Maybe they want to feel an attachment to another person. Perhaps they yearn to parent. Just maybe they want to help those they consider less fortunate. Wheatever the reason, they are fulfilling that need by adopting.

It is important to be honest in relationships, a parent-child relationship is no different. If the parent is upfront that they are trying to fulfill their own internal needs too (and who isn't), the family will be all the better. Otherwise, the adoptee is left to feel they are a charity case who has to be forever grateful to the savior. No parent wants to create that feeling in their child.

Possum

I can't remember if I thumbed down that question - but on it's merits alone - I would have.

Reason - unless the person that states that adoption is all wonderful is an actual adoptee - I totally disagree with the sentiment.

The poster said -
"I think adoption is one of the best and selfless things a person could do for another human being."

The child is also a human being. All children should be given the right to live with their own biological family - if at all possible. If children can not live with that family - because of abuse etc - they should be entitled to their own identity (not have it changed and sealed forever in locked vaults - which happens in most adoptions in the USA) and they should be able to know their family of origin.
See the UN conventions of rights for children - which interestingly the USA has not signed off on - as the adoption agencies that make so much money from the American people - would look to lose too much of their money from dealing in babies.
http://www.unicef.org/crc/files/Rights_overview.pdf

Unless you have lived through being separated from one family - and given to a complete set of strangers - I personally believe that they could have NO idea what they're talking about.
And carrying on the myth that adoption is all wonderful and sunshine & roses - in my books - is cruel to all adoptees.

I think it's great that you're happy with your adoptee-ness.
That is your truth - you've lived it.
More power to you.

I - too often - have been told in my life to be grateful for not being aborted. I've been berated for wanting to search for my family of origin, and I have been denied for over 35 years my history and knowledge of the family I was born to.
Mostly these comments all come from complete strangers who know NOT A THING about the life I have lived.

Most non-adopted peeps surely would not have to go through what many adoptees would have to live with on a daily basis - even when they are grown adults.

It is comments such as the one given that perpetuate the myths of adoption - and I have seen far too many adoptees struggle with their own identity and self worth issues to encourage such comments.

If YOU had said it - and stated that you - as an adoptee - think that adoption is wonderful - I would have most likely left it alone. I wouldn't have given it a thumbs up - as I don't agree based on my life - but I wouldn't have given it a thumbs down - as it's your reality.

As Phil already said - the whole thumbs thing is not a personal attack on a person. In most cases - no one actually knows anyone else here - personally. It's and question and answer format. People ask questions - others can 'star' the question if they think it's a good question. People can answer - others can give it thumbs up or down depending if they agree - or not.

It's all about opinions - and as such - all can give them whichever way they like.
A question and answer format is going to be open to debate on various issues - and adoption just happens to be one of the most debated.

PhilM

People use the thumbs down for all kinds of reasons. There are people on here who will thumb me down just for answering a question. (For instance, on a question where someone asked if anyone else had an experience of getting pregnant after adopting, I mentioned that my adoptive mother had. That's all I said. I simply reported my family's experience mirroring the questioner's. I received thumbs down for that.)

However, thumbs down are often given when someone disagrees with an answer. This is the reason I give them, in fact. I don't give them to people. I give them to answers. I don't reserve them exclusively for extremely offensive answers. I see them (as the message implies when you give thumbs either way) as a rating system. If I dislike an answer or think it's not a good one, I will give it a thumbs down. If I think an answer is correct, or generally helpful, I'll give it a thumbs up.

As for the answer you quote, I don't think I saw it, so I don't think I rated it. However, I would have probably given it a thumbs down myself. The reason is not because I've had a horrible experience, but because I do think the response shows a general disregard for the very real loss that every adoption represents. (As an aside, I'm genuinely glad you don't feel a loss. But that doesn't mean there wasn't one. I'm not telling you how to feel. My point is simply that an adoption only happens because a child loses it's first parents. Maybe the child never feels badly about that loss, but it still happens. And saying it's one of the best things one person can do for another minimizes that loss.) I certainly don't think the responder is an evil vile person. I don't know him or her. But I disagree with their answer to that question.

Just my opinion. Which will draw thumbs down of its own.

Thumbs down can be if the information is incorrect, or simply if someone doesnt agree. People on here are weird, I would just let it go.

Heather B

Maybe they thumbs down because they disagree

There's nothing wrong with that

a healing adoptee

Because sometimes people like to call people out in their answers or make fun of others life stories. Or they plain just don't agree. I mean i got thumbs down before. I didn't let me get all emotional about it.

tish

the "thumbs down", "deleted question/answer" behavior is a combination of 1) disagreement, 2) responses that lack context to the question, 3) questions that lack clarity, 4) questions that are inappropriate, 5) people who just don't like the person , et al.

what i find interesting is that many who use these features do so rather passive-aggressively.

regarding the question with the thumbs down: many people who have no direct experience with adoption are usually not aware of the "not-so-good" experiences of adoption. people who are adoptees or birthmoms might have experiences that are contrary to those often promoted by society. there is a great deal of coercion, loss and secrecy in adoption. as such, many do not agree that it's a win/win/win for all. and absolute statements such as the one you referenced tend to ignore and marginalize those whose experiences were less than perfect.

â™¥â™¥Mum To Superkidsâ™¥â™¥

It doesn't surprise me. There are a lot of people (on here and in real life) who just cannot comprehend how somebody could think differently to them. Lol. Watch and see how many thumbs down THAT gets!
Merry Christmas!

concerned

Well, I didn't read that thread, answer it, or give any thumbs on it, so I'm not sure of the entire context except for what you stated here. But...

I can tell you that as a first mom (birth mom), I DO find that answer offensive, because it stereotypes us. Calling adopting one of the "best" things a person could do for another human being implies that adoptees were saved from some horrible life--saved from their birth parents. While that might be true in SOME cases, it is not true in many many cases. Had I chosen to raise my daughter, she would have been just fine--more than fine, actually, she would have been loved and cherished and cared for.

My daughters parents didn't commit a selfless wonderful act by adopting her. They adopted because they wanted to be parents. My daughter does not have a better life, just a different one. Period.

Implying that she was saved, that her being adopted was a wonderful thing for her, implies she would not have had a good life with me, her biological mom.

So it's offensive.

Problem Child

I would have given this a thumbs down, too. The reason is that saying this then places the adoptee in the position of being grateful for being 'rescued', and that the aparent has somehow sacrificed themselves for the adoptee. Biological parents make sacrifices for their children, but they aren't constantly told how selfless and wonderful they are, this is just expected of them, right? Why is it different for adoptive parents? If those parents are truly the adoptee's 'real' parents, why are they being given all these accolades? They're just doing what any parent should do.
So, my thumbs down would have been because I don't agree with this statement. I don't think there's anything wrong with disagreeing, nor giving a thumbs down if you do.

Bleu Diamond-Phillips

That's just some old "Yahoo! Answers" hatin'. It happens to me sometimes, too.

magic pointe shoes

I didn't see this answer but I can tell you exactly why I would have given that answer a thumbs down.

"I think adoption is one of the best..."

I think adoption was the lowest point of my adult life. I birthed an amazing child and because of lack of support, confidence and resources I left that child. While everyone can slick that moment up by saying that I prepared by having loving parents hold him the moment he was born, I know my own truth. I still left him. This was not best.

"and selfless things a person could do for another human being"

It also is just as selfish a thing a person could do. I really believed I could just pick up my life like I hadn't just birthed a child into this world. I left my own child because of that selfishness.

"i would LOVE to adopt"

Taking someone else's child and creating that lifetime of loss and emotional heartbreak on is something I have no desire to do. My effort is better served helping women keep their children and rising up to raising their babies. I will not contribute to adoption loss again.

*******************

To sum my answer up, answers like this that oooze with how adoption is positive and the best offend my personal knowledge of adoption.

Lillie

Um, it's just a thumbs down.

No need to cry about it.

Sarah C

I am not surprised. I am a birthmother myself and cannot believe how many people thumbs up/down, compared to other categories. I know it is a controversial topic, but it seems like people just go down the list and thumbs down everyone. I know everyone has their own views and opinions, but I am afraid to post my own questions regarding my issue, because of it.

I am glad you have a great experience. I know that so many haven't. I can only hope that for son as well.

Take care!

blooming chamomile

I'm like you--I was adopted and it was a positive experience for me. I guess I was naive, but I really didn't realize that there were so many anti-adoption people out there until I came to Yahoo Answers. It shocked me at first when I got thumbs-down for sharing my opinion, thoughts, and experience.

I once answered a question--the essence of it was, "Adoptees, would you rather have been aborted, stayed with your biological parents, or adopted?" Most people that said they would have rather been aborted than adopted got all the thumbs-up, while people like me who were happy with our adoptions got lots of thumbs-downs. And how can having respect for what my biological mother did for me offend anyone? Maybe I'm still naive about it but I really don't understand how people can be so upset because someone happened to have a good adoption experience.

snow flake

The thumbs down aren't just for something that is offensive...truly offensive answers should be reported.
Thumbs down are supposed to be used to show that you don't think the answer is helpful. Soooo, if you don't agree with the answer, you probably don't think it's helpful to the asker, right?
Thumbs down isn't saying that you think that person shouldn't be allowed to give their opinion, it's just you don't think their opinion is the best way to look at situation...such as in the case with the answer you cited.
Also, you have to look at the opposite...why do people give thumbs up? Generally, because they agree with the answer, right? So if the thumbs up for agreement is appropriate, then the same should be true for thumbs down for disagreement.

Isabel A

Is there something I am missing about the thumbs?

Something someone is not telling me about?

Do you get an electric shock through your keyboard for every thumb down? Do you lose money if you get thumbed down?

Because I don't.

Really, is there something I'm missing here?

It's a picture of a thumb. As far as I know, it can't hurt you. Really...it can't.

And FYI, the thumbs are there for the exact purpose that if someone disagrees, they can use them. And if I disagree with an answer, that usually means I will not think it is helpful to the asker. So what's the problem?

If you reach level 2, you have thumb power and you can do with it what you want until Yahoo! tells you otherwise. It is not a crime to thumb.

If it hurts that much to think that someone *GASP* has a different opinion then maybe a forum with thumbs is not the place to be.

Trevor M

I agree whole-heartedly with the sentiment of the person who posted that and I think that some people consider anyone whose ideas might be different from their own to be "extremely offensive." It's sad, but most of us aren't going to take other people's ignorance (or choice of ways to pass their lonely hours...) to heart. :)

kate lomax

There exists no logical answer to your question.
People vote with thumbs down for many reasons, disappointing, but true.

Julie R

"Can someone explain to me how this person's answer got 18 thumbs down?!?"

18 people disagreed with the answer or felt the answer would not be helpful to the asker.

It's that simple.

As someone else pointed out, extremely offensive answers are to be reported. Thumbs down are for what I stated above.

Jeff F

The rude and ignorant are everywhere. Some people seem to think being tasteless and crass is cool. Civilized people can disagree.

water_bearer87

I agree with you. I think adoption is great! I have an adopted brother and three of my friends have adopted siblings. We haven't had any negative experiences and one day I would like to adopt too! My brother has made my parents, me and the rest of my family so happy. I think it's sad that so many people gave that answer a thumbs down. I can understand that people have different adoption experiences but I still think that its wonderful!

BPD Wife

Sadly there are many people in this category who feel that they are the only ones entitled to an opinion and anything that differs from that deserves a thumb down. I've been told point-blank by many users that I receive thumbs down because of my "tagline" because it cites "miracle of adoption"; they may agree with my answer but because I use "miracle of adoption" they will automatically give me a thumbs down. The truth is, that for us, we do truly believe our adoption story is a miracle. Should it receive a thumbs down? No. But I've learned to accept it and move on. The reality is that I am here to share MY experience and knowledge with others who are seeking that information. I am not here to make friends or worry about what someone thinks about me personally. If I can help one person with an answer that I provide, then that is the reason I'm here.

Thanks for the question! I'm glad to see that there are people here for the same reasons I am.

P.S. Thought I would add this info that I found on Y!A Help with regards to the thumbs down feature:

"Give an answer a thumbs-down rating when you feel the answer is not helpful to the person who asked the question."

Notice that it doesn't say anything about disagreeing with the answer - only if it is not "helpful". All legitimate answers are helpful - even if they don't agree with another's feelings because they offer a "full picture" of what can occur or both sides of the story.

shingoshidao

I don't know how much of this is relevant to this question and the answer that person gave. But there is a phenomenon here (on Yahoo! Answers) that is particularly disturbing. It has come to my personal awareness, that there are factions which behave here like a pack of dogs. I am not making this up. It lowers this whole issue of disagreement to a level of intellectual wasteland. A cesspool would be a better description. Individuals who are found in disagreement with another group, can find themselves hounded by members of that group, and having their questions and answers reported to be deleted.

I've stated this to put into perspective the actions of those who make little or no sense to you. The thing is these people are motivated by selfishness. So anyone who presents an idea (of selflessness) which undermines there positions are seen as a threat to their thinking (If we can call it that!). Then there are individuals who behave in a similar manner, without specifically being a member of any group. And when you have an issue which draws as much emotional response as adoption inevitably will, you only increase the likelihood of witnessing this kind of behavior.

No, it doesn't make sense. But if irrational behavior made sense, it wouldn't be irrational.

Shingoshi Dao
2007.Dec.09 Sun, 22:56 --800 (PST)

jessicaleexi

I don't know what the question was exactly, but I believe the statement made was very kind and good hearted!

squishy

Those who haven't walked in another person's shoes may not be as informed and act accordingly. Others don't have to be in the same shoes and can act compassionately without regret.
I applaud the response that person gave despite those who gave it thumbs down.
I agree, adoption shouldn't get such a bad rap or cause anyone on either side of the issue be made to feel "different" or otherwise.
I have 2 children who were lovingly adopted by families that can't have children. I've been reunited with one and waiting to meet the other one. To be the mother that has to make the decision to adopt isn't easy......there's so many emotions to deal with but it's the most selfless act of love there ever was.

Pat R

There still someone around who's giving the thumbs down to a lot of good answers. Could be someone who was adopted by some bad parents. Or read stories about the days when kids were adopted just for the sake of cheap farm labor back in the early 1900's. There's a sad piece of history.

ellykay

I don't see one thing in that statement that should warrant any thumbs down.
It's not offensive in the least!

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