Can someone give us some info and/or adivce. We are just starting the adoption process and its a little scary.
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Can someone give us some info and/or adivce. We are just starting the adoption process and its a little scary.
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We always talked about adopting. We had it pictured as something beautiful. Like, once we were approved we would get to bring home a child (or children)who needed us and we would tell them how special they are and they would be so happy and the whole experience would be a gift. But starting the process is a little scary and overwhelming. I know that in the end it will be more than worth it but is there any advice, information, or tips that will help along the way
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PhilM
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One thing you should do, to help both you and your child, is read up on the experiences of adoptees. Here are some suggestions:
* "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig
* "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton
* "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier |
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Warrior Mom
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You should be scared. Be very scared. The adoption you just described is a FANTASY. It's the same fantasy that all adoption agencies sell to adoptive parents. They don't bother to tell you about the pain and turmoil that adoptees go through as they grow up adopted. They certainly don't tell you about the many, many challenges you may have to deal with if you are adopting children who have been abused and/or neglected. I wish I could be thrilled for you and reinforce that giddy feeling you must be feeling right now. I don't feel too giddy, though. Adoption is a serious matter. If you are committed to helping hurt children find a place to heal, then you should adopt. If you are looking for a perfect little baby to make your perfect little family perfectly complete, then I'd suggest reading a good book, or renting a movie. The real life stories of adoptees are not that way.
Jennifer: You said it just right. It's daunting. IT IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART! Truer words were never spoken!Do the research. Find out the reality first. |
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anastasia beaverhausen-the real1
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do foster care. |
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Jennifer L
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The adoption process is daunting and it should be! Adoption is not for the faint-hearted.
I suggest at this point, you really need to research your options and take a good look at your expectations. It's easy to get this fantasy image of having the perfect home and the children being perfect and that's just not the case. No child can live up to a dream image and although the experience of adopting can be a deeply fulfilling one, it won't match a fantasy ideal.
So, back to research. Read books, talk to adoptees and adoptive parents. Look at all your options, the benefits and drawbacks. Look at your own situation honestly and determine what is best for you. Ask questions. Ask more questions! Get all the information and perspectives that you can.
Good luck! |
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Melissa G
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Learn all you can before you start! There are a lot of good books out there. I've included a link to my fave below. It has a TON of resources and can help you throughout the ENTIRE adoption process. :)
Best wishes to you!! |
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SagaSue
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Don't have unrealistic expectations. Children who are placed for adoption have so much history to deal with. Many will never get over the abuse and neglect that they suffered before adoption. You can take your adopted child on a wonderful holiday, thinking that they will have a ball, and you can find that the whole experience is a nightmare.
Our daughter has a mild form of attachment disorder. This was caused because her needs were not met when she was very small. With most babies, they cry and someone comforts them. If they are naughty, someone points them in the right direction. With many children in care, there has never been a consistency of care; so when they cried, sometimes someone came, sometimes they didn't. This means that essential links in the brain are not connected, and the child does not always respond in the way that you would expect. We thought that our child would be so very happy to be with a 'proper' family, and we were so upset when it didn't seem to work out like that.
Having said all this, we do not regret our decision at all. Our daughter is wonderful, although very challenging at times!! She has been with us for 8 years now and it is starting to get easier for all of us. Good luck! |
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De
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patience and ready for a lot of paperwork. In the end, you will end up thinking if all parents went through this before they had children, there would a lot less abuse in the world. And it is worth!! Good Luck and God Speed |
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HappyMomAnna
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You wouldn't be normal if you didn't look at parenting and get all scared!!!!
Starting out is hard and seems like a long maze....
We adopted siblings from Foster Care and most of the tips and information I have is in my website for anyone interested... |
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LAWYERWANNABE
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in adopting a kid find one with some thing you like and could realate to and if it has a sis, bro, best friend adopt them too but only one when it comes to friends because that way at first they will have a bunch of fun and some one to talk to when your not home. tust me when i get older i want to adopt |
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