Can someone share their adoption experiences with me?

tickled blue

Hi.
We are adoptive parents of an almost 2 year old little boy. He came to us through foster care at almost 1 year old. I wouldn't recommend or promote adopting any child who does not legitimately need a new home and parents--i.e. death of parents or severe neglect or abuse. I strongly believe most of the adoptions that happen on grounds other than those above are not necessary.
We began our process by contacting DSS/CPS via telephone, who sent us a package of paperwork, which we completed and returned. We were scheduled for parenting courses, which in our state amounted to 14 hours and were very basic. We were scheduled for a homestudy and completed that a month or so later...it was very easy and simply a way for the DSS to get to know us and know our home life and situation so that the child that was placed with us would benefit from us as parents. This is the time to be honest and forthcoming about who you are and what you want out of the process. For instance, our one 'stipulation' was that we wanted to be placed with a child who could communicate with us. Nothing else was a factor, but not being able to understand or speak to us would have been difficult for us to handle.
Anyway, once that was completed, we waited and waited and waited...
During all of this time we called the agency at least 2-4 times per month....we wanted them to know that we were very interested. Almost 3 months later we got the call.
Our problem with DSS/CPS is that there is a conflict of interest concerning the social workers and their jobs. Their job is to place children with new families for adoption....but the same people are also supposed to help the first parents with a parenting plan so that the child can be returned home if they fix the things that caused the child to be removed in the first place. Each adoption that takes place is a 'bonus' of sorts for the office, causing them to often seek to push for adoption over returning the child and/or to only push for county adoptions....i.e. if you are interested in a child in another state or county that they don't cover they will, generally, be uninterested in pursuing that, b/c it doesn't help their quota. I also don't like the changing of the birth certificate to reflect adoptive parents as the 'first parents'.
I could go on and on about various things I don't like about adoption, but you are new, and over all it has been a very rewarding experience.

<<adoptive mommy through foster care

Jennifer L

Hello!

We adopted two school age children from overseas. Before starting the adoption process, we did extensive research on all forms of adoption and international adoption specifically, before deciding on the route, the country program and the agency.

We started the process after selecting our agency, filled out paperwork. Meanwhile, we selected a local agency to do our homestudy. More paperwork. After the homestudy was completed and signed off by the state courts (required in this state for all adoptions), we had our fingerprints done and submitted everything for approval. Then we waited. Not long after we were told our dossier passed inspection, we were given the referral information for our children. Upon accepting the referral, we filed more paperwork and sent letters and photo albums to the children. More waiting. Finally, we were given the "okay" to travel to Liberia, where we spent a few weeks in-country, met and got to know our children. We also met their mother and had the opportunity to get to know her as well. We did some repair work in the orphanage, got to know many children still waiting for families, helped with the school and were generally the center of attention by all of the children. We got to know the culture and the people... and learned what real poverty looks like. We never felt in any actual danger, but we were very cautious. There were a number of pretty young teenagers with AK's on their backs.

We had to clear all of the adoption paperwork through the US consulate in Monrovia and get their visas. Lots of waiting, more paperwork. Consulate offices are pretty boring for children. It was a very long flight back and my younger son was the child that nobody wants to sit near, on an airplane. Limits were immediately tested. "Give me candy, or I cry." Helpful African ladies told us that Americans were not firm enough with children. "African mothers do not play." It was amazing to watch them "snap to" once an African woman told them to listen and mind. Apparently, Amerians spoil their children. Time to reconsider parenting strategies.

After getting back, there is more to the process. The children had to be "re-adopted" in the US before they are eligible for citizenship. More paperwork, more money. Then, we had to file for the certificate of citizenship. Even more paperwork and more money. Their file was lost, misrouted and it took Immigration a LONG time to find it and re-file everything. Very grateful we didn't have to pay the fee again. Finally, we got the Certificates of citizenship. Joy!

I could go on about parenting older children from a different country and culture. It's been an adventure.

If you are even considering international adoption please research it carefully. It is much more intensive and much more complicated than the media coverage would have you believe.

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