Can you choose the baby you adopt?

Freckle Face

Sarah,

Adoption should be about the children, not what the adult wants. In all of my adoption circles, i have never heard of a prospective adoptive parent "choosing" their child. If i had heard of someone "choosing" their child, i would puke first, then loose all respect for that person.

Sorry if i appear rude it seems like a very shallow and insensitive question to ask. Its not like picking the cutest puppy out of the litter. To be honest, that sounds exactly like what you are asking.

Gaia Raain

If you're adopting a baby? Hell no! Not unless you're a celebrity. Those little bundles cost a whole lot of money, just to get the chance to "hopefully" talk some young mother into giving her baby to you! You'd have to have a TON of money to bribe someone into getting you just the one you want!

Forgive me if I sound crass. The adoption industry in America treats babies like a commodity to be bought and sold. Try looking around at prices...the "healthy white infant" model is the most expensive, and the price goes down from there, based on what you're "willing to accept" (like special needs, a different race, etc). It's grotesque.

Now, if you have any desire whatsoever to give a family to a child who actually NEEDS one, you could call DHS and get started on the foster-adoption process. It's free, and you actually do get to choose the kids you feel you can parent. Of course, the final decision is up to the caseworker (which is the way it should be), but you do have the opportunity to look over short explanations of each kid's past, temperament, etc. and decide if you feel you have what that child needs.

Best of luck to you!

Randy B

You can but personally, my wife and I have always chosen not to choose. Our first adoption was from India when we were living there for a few years. Neither one of us could walk into the orphanage and just go "einie, mienie, minei, mo...you!" and walk out leaving the others behind. We chose then to leave the decision to the Sister in charge of the orphanage (it was one of Mother Theresa's homes). We put our trust in God and we were not disappointed at all. We now have a happy, healthy and well adjusted 15 year old daughter who we have had since she was 8 months old.

Our second one was adopted domestically. We enrolled into our local Foster-to-Adopt program and we received a call one afternoon about a 4 day old ready for discharge from the hospital. She just turned 4 months old today actually and again she is happy and appears to be more then healthy at this point.

Neither child was "picked" by us and we never had a worry in the world that we were doing it the right way...for us.

cmc

You have some say in what kinds of child you are open to. It also depends on how you decide to adopt. For example from what I know of China you are offered one referral. If you do not take that child you may not be offered another. For newborn adoption in the US you often match with a pregnant woman, and you find out a fair amount about her, but often far less about the natural father (depends if he is around and involved). Also you match before the baby is born so you don't really "choose" this baby, but you match based on criteria of health, ethnicity, etc. If you decide to adopt from foster care you are presented with the background info of a specific child that you might want to adopt.

In any case it isn't really like going shopping. (and I'm glad it isn't)

Crucio

Yes you can one can typical ask for gender, race, age range. Remember even if you are offered a child or baby does not mean you have to take that child/baby. Like a couple I know a day after their son was born they were called and asked if they wanted to adopt him even though they figured theyâ€™d get an older child since they said they take up to a 4 year old.

redessa

You can specify that you want a boy or girl or that you want the baby to have the same racial makeup as you and your husband. You can specify that you will not take a child with known medical problems. There are plenty of things you can ask for, but it's not like there's some baby warehouse where you go pick a kid off the shelf.

sizesmith

Let's be realistic. There aren't that many babies available. Quite frankly, in the foster care system, I've called and faxed paperwork on over 40 kids available for adoption, and by the time their information has been posted on the internet, and I call, they've already been placed.
You can specifiy through an agency that you would like the parents to be of a certain body type (slightly heavy for example), and blonde, however, it will significantly cut your chances of getting a baby. Many agencies and foster care alike do match race in the equation, and sometimes a situation comes up where a baby is chosen to be placed after the birth, so if your agency calls you, you might have the choice of a girl or a boy. The more picky you are, the less likely it is to be chosen to be a parent.

As an adoptive mom, our son's first mom was 5'1, and the dad 6'4. She had light brown hair and eyes, and he was green eyed with black hair. With this combination, we didn't know what our son (which we didn't know he was a he until he was born-first mom thought he was a girl) would look like or be like. Both my fiance and I are blonde, so was 1st mom's mom, and 1st dad's mom, and so is our Jacob! We are thrilled, and we would have loved him no matter what, even if he were green with 4 noses!

GEE-GEE

Yes you can. Especially if you do open adoption. You meet the birthmother, most of the time before she even gives birth. But you both choose each other. It is a mutual agreement to go through with the adoption. This is a good thing especially since the birth mother is going to be in your life forever.