Child adoption is it right or wrong what should some1 look for?

Heather B

Yes it's wrong.

And just how would you explain to your 3 boys that you gave their brother away, I wonder.

"Well, hey sons, we didn't want a boy"

Or, for that matter, how to explain to the abandoned one why he was given away and not his brothers; imagine for a moment trying to figure out why you were the only one not kept.

Way to go 'Dad'

Bad idea.

Flying Monkey #073177

How horrified do you think a person would be to find out they were thrown out like yesterday's trash because they were born the "wrong" gender. You made it, you raise it. You can't pick and choose what children to keep based on an innie or an outie. That is about the cruelest thing I have heard in months.

snowwillow20

That would be very very wrong.

DevonChaos

This is YOUR baby the same as the others are. You should not give up a baby based on gender. What message does that send to your children? That children are disposable? It wasn't the right style, so you sent it away? That is so horrid. Horrendously tacky. If you love children so much, you'd be willing to keep all of them around. Have your wife get her tubes tied if she's not going to want more boys. Then get a dog. They let you pick the gender on those.

Natalya B

no you should keep the baby for all that you guys no that baby could be the president!!! Thats what my mom says i agree with her 100%!!!

I feel so bad about your boy :(

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

In this instance, I believe placing your baby for adoption for the wrong reasons....let me explain my position.

You say your wife wants a girl really bad.....so I am assuming you would seriously consider keeping the child if it turns out to be a she....yes?? However, you then go on to say your wife would be heartbroken if the child is a boy, you all have three boys now and one is a special needs child....and a lot of work. You all are low income, etc.

How do you rationalize considering keeping the child if a girl....but throw in the other reasons for placing for adoption if a boy??

Girl babies are just as much work as boy babies and girl babies are just as "costly" as boy babies....and quite frankly, IMO in the long run GIRLS ARE MORE EXPENSIVE ALL THE WAY AROUND.....FOREVER. I have raised a few girls and they are way more costly than my boys....but that is only my opinion. :-)

So, considering the reasons you give.....I believe adoption would be for the wrong reasons and when the boy baby grows in to a young man, he will be incredibly angry knowing he has siblings who were older than he and got to be with HIS parents.....Sorry if that is not what you wanted to hear.

Also, low income families exist every day and do quite well. There are social services which you can obtain if you are not already getting them, housing, food stamps, WIC, medicaid....SSI for the special needs child. There is a lot, you just have to know how to access them if not already....

Good luck in your decisions...make sure it is a decision you and your entire family will be able to live with....the new baby too. S/He would want to be with his/her family.

EDIT:

I was just thinking....you and your wife may qualify for some type of subsidized, specialized day care for the special needs child depending on the severity of his needs. This would give you all a moment to "debrief" and give him a chance to socialize outside of the home.....Just a thought.

Linny G

Disgusting. Adoption is NEVER in a baby's best interest, no matter what adoption fantasy stories float around. How will your other children feel knowing you gave their sibling away?

BLW_KAM

I'm guessing you already know the answer to your question.

If you were watching a show and the plot involved a married couple relinquishing a child for adoption because he/she was the "wrong" gender, what would you think of the couple?

When he finds out he was given away because his parents wanted a girl and he was given away while his brothers were kept, the damage to his soul may be irreversible.

Make it work. The baby belongs with you.

garcia,g

Thats messed up Are you trying to say if you have a gurl youll keep it and if its a boy its no good? god will give you what he wants to and if your worried about finacial then why keep a girl rather then a boy theres lots of help for struggling families Im really gonna pray for that baby I hope it works out for your family God bless!!!!!!!

Indian-vision

Girls in my country(India) are abandoned and thrown like trash because they are the most unwanted gender. As upsetting and sad it sounds. I am glad those people who do not understand the tragedy it is to be discriminated due to gender and are anti International adoptions have responded to you.

No plz do not abandon this child due to his gender.

countryboy

Don't understand what you are trying to explain to us. Are you thinking of giving up the child your wife is pregnant with if it's a boy, or you are saying if it is a boy, should you adopt a little girl since your wife wants a little girl in her life, having two babies in the house being a low income family.
The best and only thing right now is take care of your wife and be willing to except what the Lord will be bring into your life's. Pray alittle harder, he just might hear you and what you are so concerned with will have a happy ending.

Lillie

No, keep the new baby and give up your firstborn.

Why ditch the baby? He has the same rights and feelings as the rest of the clan, doesn't he?

LovetheLORDfirst

Only you and your wife can answer whether adoption is right or wrong for you. If you aren't already members of a church, I hope you will find one you feel comfortable in, regularly attend it, and get to know people. Get yourself on a prayer list...

At the risk of sounding like a "troll" or "vulture," I will tell you this: my husband and I have a 6-year old and a 5-month old- biological. We are looking to adopt and are willing to do a trial period in which the parents decide for sure if this is right for them. Check out my profile...

I wish all the best for you. God bless!

Summer L

I think that if you know you are unable to care for the child, or simply do not want to - by all means, make it available for adoption!

I am so tired of reading hateful remarks on this board and no, I will not go away just because I don't like it, I will also voice my opinion - in a respectful manner. Just because I do not agree does not mean that I will judge people and resort to name calling, that typically happens when you have nothing of substance left to say.

Sometimes some people ask (what appear to be) dumb questions, but not everyone was born with common sense. These questions are *real* problems for these people and they are looking for *help* -not- to be critisized. There are far more nicer ways to get your point across, there is no need to be ugly about it and tell people what horrible creatures they are.

When my husband was a paramedic he always said that if someone called the ambulance because they cut their toe, he had enough compassion to treat them as though they were someone having a heart attack -- because it was an emergency to **them**.

We should treat these people with respect! Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but as I said, there are nicer ways to voice it. And I thank those who disagree with respect, and it isn't even *my* question. When you post, read it again and see if it would be hurtful to you if someone said to you what you posted.

Everyone makes mistakes, I do not know if birth control was used, but if it was... nothing is 100%. My sister got pregnant at 18 while on birth control pills *and* the condom broke... 2 failed methods at once.

I am **not** for 'just giving your children away', but again, if you know (and you are the only one who really knows) that you are unable or unwilling to take care of the child - let someone have the chance that will take care of. It sounds like you know you do not want this child so do the responsible thing and let it go. If it will be a financial burden and you lose what you have, you will resent the baby even more which, in turn, will make a not so great life for it.

As for the 'it will ruin the kids' life because they won't know where they came from' or the other kids wanting to know 'why you gave their brother/sister away', things like that are things that need very simple answers because of their age and should only be addressed more in-depth when they are older and if raised right they will understand. I wanted to know for a little less than a year "why?" when I was about 12 and even at that age I realized that I had it pretty good and as an adult - I don't care. There was a reason and I don't question it any more. I do not have pity for myself and wonder every day "why me? what did I do? why didn't they love me?". I am loved and that is all that really matters. The past is the past and though some things are harder to get over... if you don't it will eat at you and make you a *very* bitter person.

It is impossible for there to be any accurate statistics of how many people came out of adoption fine and how many came out, for lack of a better word, 'damaged'. I would say a good majority came out pretty darn good! My step son is now 18, my husband and ex-wife (who are white) adopted him when he was 3 months old (he is bi-racial and looks very much black), He knows that he has 2 older sisters and has always had the option of meeting them and his natural mother. He has no desire. He has always said that even though he is different from his family, he is tremendously loved and that his natural mother had a reason for giving him up and he does not care about what that reason is.

I believe this will be a contraversial subject until the end of time, I just wish people would be a little more compassionate and respectful about it discussing it.

Again, you already know in your heart what you want to do and what you think is best for your situation. You should start actively looking into adoption agencies, or you may know someone looking for a private adoption. Good luck with whatever you decide, keep faith, and everything will work out as it is suppose to.

Jill_01

If your only reason for thinkig of adoption is based on gender then I think you should possibly think of given this baby up whether it's a boy or a girl.
Adoption can be a beautiful thing. In my opinion, open adoption is best.

karcnr

You have to do what you think is right for you and your family, regardless of what other people say. If you have adoption questions, I suggest contacting an adoption agency that way you'd get correct answers instead of someone's opinion. I would go to a non profit agency, the kind that don't make their money off of you placing you baby. These non profit agencies such as LDS Family Services, still offer counseling and in some cases financial assistance.
I don't feel that placing a child for adoption is wrong or selfless, if you are not able to provide the child with the life you want for him/her.
Best of luck to you in what ever you decide. Feel free to email me, if you want to talk further about this, I'd be happy to help.
-Christa

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