Children in foster care-reunification with natural parents vs siblings being seperated?

I'm foster 'mum' to 3 children, 2.5 years, 19 months, and 7 months old.
The older 2 children have been in my care for over a year, and in care for 18 months in total.
The department is trying reunification with the baby, and plan to have her back in her parent's care soon. The issue we have is that it is highly doubtful that the parents will be able to resume care of all 3 children (they are bio siblings). Although a lot of supports have and will be put in place, everyone acknowledges that it is very probable that the older children will remain with me even if the baby's reunification is successful.
I can't help wondering how this will affect the children. The baby has been with us since birth and the children have never been separated. The older kids will keep up visits and will see their sister at their parents house while they live with me. Personally I'm really unhappy with the children being split up and would prefer to work with the parents to have all 3 back, however the parents only want to proceed with the baby.

I guess what I'm wondering is while reunification is in the child's best interests, how do you feel this stacks up against possible permanent separation of the siblings?
Additional Details
Just a mom- yes, we do have a pretty good relationship, and I'm trying my best to work with the parents so we can get all 3 kids back. I'm willing to offer them help and support if they can reunite with all the kids but I feel they're not willing to try and cope with all 3. The older 2 kids also don't respond very well to their mum. It's so sad for the kids, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this is wrong.

"Your Name" on my *SS

this is really messed up, how is it that the bio parents are able to just pick one child and not take back the rest? they dont even deserve any of the children if they can't take them all. this makes me so mad!! and i hope you pursue all that you can to keep the children together because this is pure bull.

E to the Lisa

were kinda in that same situation with my husbands ex and their twin girls the mother also has a boy from her husband.
The kids were placed in foster care a little over a year ago and then were released to the custody of their maternal great grandmother (my husband and i were not able to obtain them because C P S didnt want to separate the kids and they wouldnt let us take their little brother) we felt this was unfair but do reconize the importance of not ripping the children apart (his kids were neglected and beatin by the mother and were caring for their lil brother) so ripping them from each other would have caused more stress and problems for them. At this point because their in the care of their g-ma the mother has supervised visits every other week and we can have the children when we want even overnight for how ever long we want (the twins only) as for the lil boy we have no say over him. i think its wrong to break them up even though our situation is a lot different from yours. they should try to take them all back (what makes the baby more important then the other two) on the other hand in my case my husband should have to see his kids in the system just because she had a baby with another man! thank isnt fair but i agree with you its wrong!

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

i promise you a lot of anger from the ones who weren't taken back. they're just going to be p*ssed and feel rejected that the one kid got it's natural mother back and they didn't.

Mom to Foster Children

This happened to one of my friends. She adopted an older boy and years later the mother came up pregnant again. Case managers called my friend asked if she would foster / reunify and she said yes. 2 1/2 years later the mom finally got the second child back - obviously as the first one was already adopted. But to answer your question from another point of view - the older child has a really hard time with this as he is old enough to understand that (his thinking) Mommy must have loved my little brother more than me - how come she didn't get cleaned up for me - why is he so special and she thinks I am ****? These are issues that he deals with - but obviously he was older and knew what was going on and knew what the outcome was going to be! He hates (and I mean hates) his mother and hasn't come to the reasoning that it was the disease and not intentionally (I believe this sometimes and not) her that just didn't want to do it for him!

Santa's Lil' Helper

I guess this just goes to show that even first parents that lose their kids would rather have babies than older foster children....even when it is their own.

Another teenager was abandoned in a Nebraska hospital on Monday.

My cousin relinquished her parental rights to her eight year old daughter to my hubby and I because she was pregnant with the "new" man's baby. (Her father also consented.) The eight year old is suffering because of this....it breaks my heart.

My seven year old adopted daughter has a fourteen, almost fifteen, year old sister that we also have custody. Mom has relinquished custody of her as well and we will be adopting her . Mom still has custody of the two younger boys. The girls want to know why they were not good enough.

Independ"ant"

All you can do is be supportive and respectful of the situation of all parties involved.

I wouldn't discuss "possibilities" or "probability" with the older children yet since you don't really know, it could sabotage their reunification by causing more unnecessary emotional trauma.

Make sure you keep your personal feeling about the situation to yourself because it will not do the children any good.

Its a painful situation for the kids but all you can do is hope for the best outcome, the entire family is reunited quickly to limit the damage already done.

collegegradsingle

Hello,

This is a hard situation and it is a great service you are doing to be a support to the birth family. This situation often happens when they are trying to reunify as they often feel that the baby is the "easiest" to transition hence starting with the baby, then the next child which appears to have the least behavioral and psychological needs. It is sad but often even with the one child the parents are unable to handle being a "parent" again as they have been with out any children for sometime and basically just visiting. Please do not be discouraged and provide the support you can while maintaining stability in your own home. It is sad for siblings but in the long run the social service agency has to also follow the court's ruling, which often defines the actions of the social service agency.

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

I would keep a good working relationship with the parents of these kids. Be there and be supportive. Maybe it will work out for them.

On behalf of the SIBLINGS, this stinks. The sibling connection is typically the longest lasting relationship we will ever know. In my state when adoptees come to the State Department in search of their family members they want to know more about siblings than they do their parents, g/parents, cousins, etc.

I would also wonder why they can take on the baby, but not the other children and what is going to happen when they have more children....unless they fixed that and cannot have any more.

This is really sad and unless children just cannot maintain together due to their own behaviors I just hate to see them separated.

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