Christians and Adoption?

magic pointe shoes

I suggest you and your girlfriend find out if you are indeed expecting a child or not first. Then let that pregnancy really sink in as to what your thoughts are. Adoption is a permanent solution to temporary troubles. As a woman who relinquished an infant for adoption with the father of that infant at my side, I can tell you that it is mythical to think that you can leave your child with someone else and be able to move forward with your lives like nothing happened.

I think that God was with me every step of my pregnancy, but it was free will choices and not his plan to have us relinquish our child. I do not think that God wishes adoption loss on either birthparents or adoptees. I think God's will would be to rise up to the challenge of raising and loving your child, not abandoning that child to others. But that's just my thoughts after having to live with the aftermath of relinquishing a child for adoption.

tish

although i respect your faith...i have to tell you something: there is nothing written in the bible that instructs people to give up their kids in order to "look good in the eyes of god." now grant it, many adoption agencies will purport that adoption is the "christian thing to do"; yet, that is more social dogma, then a tenant of christian faith. many people of faith have successfully raised their children as young, unmarried parents with little resources. in other words, please don't buy into the hype that in order to be a good christian, you must give up you flesh and blood a a couple of strangers who paid an agency or attorney tons of money.

i think what you will probably find is that your child will wonder why you gave him/her up, and i think that defaulting to "god" is not a good enough reason. many people of faith have leaned on their faith during difficult times.

many young people have become or gotten someone pregnant at an untimely point in their lives. yet, did not feel the overwhelming need to fix a presumed mistake (i honestly don't believe that untimely pregnancies are mistakes) by giving away their flesh and blood.

i really think that you two should think about this more...and not make this decision based on a need to "please" your family, and others...

be well.

Possum

Stop worrying what God would think - and maybe think about what your child will think when he/she is an adult.
Being given away because your parents were too busy doing other things - is NOT a good reason to a child - who just wants to grow up with the people that he/she is born to.
If you put your mind to it - you can still achieve all your dreams - and keep this child.
But you have to want to do it - for the child.
A child is hard-wired to want to grow up with the parents that he/she is bio related to.

Make sure of your rights.
Research into adoption - fully - especially from the adoptees view point - as this is about a child - NOT about God.
Do not sign ANYTHING until you are completely sure.
Be aware that adoption agencies and prospective adoptive parents will tell you whatever you want to hear - because they WANT your baby - no matter what. They will look after their best interests - not yours - or your child's.

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf
http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?pageId=51995
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

Close your eyes - imagine that you have woken - to find you are in a town you never knew existed - and you have two people - lovely - but wanting you to call them mum and dad - but you've never seen them before in your life.
They smell different - look different - are different - to you.
Then imagine - that you aren't allowed to know about where you came from - who you do look like - who you do act like - who you have talents like - you just have to be forever grateful for the life you now have.
You don't get to know your bio parents - or any siblings - grandparents - medical history - family heritage.

Unless you will cause some actual harm to this child - the best thing you can do - is step up - and care for the child that is born to you.

You will save you, your girlfriend and this child a whole lot of heartache and emotional pain.

I wish you all the best the world can give.

Gaia Raain

I promise you, your baby isn't going to give a rat's patooty whether you make decent money or have a college education. That baby will spend nine long months inside your girlfriend, bonding with her, learning her voice, her heartbeat, her emotions, and YOUR voice and emotions, too. Your baby isn't going to care one whit about whether God or your parents agree, or whether there's another couple with truckloads of money down the road who could have given him/her a pony. All your baby is going to care about is hearing those same voices and heartbeats that s/he has spent nine months getting to know. Adoption is not necessary in this instance. You'll make it just fine. Good luck to you!

grapesgum

The only thing that concerns you is that the possibility that God might not agree with adoption? Well - the only thing that concerns me is that your child might not agree with adoption. I sure hope that you are not using Christianity to cop out on your responsibility to YOUR child. True Christians do not take the easy way out. I have a feeling that you are being tempted by the devil.

stormwarnfm

God doesn't turn lemonade into lemons.

Please seek the opinion of an unbiased counselor before making the decision.

I realize that things seem impossible right now, but pray about it, seek the advice of someone who doesn't have a "vested" interest in either way that you decide to go, and follow through with it.

Children don't realize they're in poverty unless they're starving.

They CAN live without Nintendo Wii and cell phones and cars handed to them if that's what they are accustomed to.

I realize as parents we want the best for our children...but what is best for them is unconditional love and a place to call home, and food in their tummy. Everything else is just a bonus.

Try not to be hard on yourself...and do what is best for the child...whichever way you finally decide...I've said a prayer for you.

julie j

Hi Phillymade,

It sounds like religion is very important in your life. Adoption is for children who do not have parents or whose parents have problems that would endanger the child if he/she stayed with them. You do not sound like the kind of people who would either abuse children or drugs. Many people around the world have raised children with far less than what you have. Look to the bible for many examples of that. Have faith that God will provide. It does not take a lot of money to spread love or to instill good values in your family. The richest families do not make the best parents anyways.

If your girlfriend is pregnant, then God has already chosen for you two to be the parents of this child now. My advice is that you should embrace that for your child's sake. Speaking from experience, I know that if you condemn your child to a lifetime of being an adoptee, they will have fewer legal rights than other citizens. They will be at high risk for many other issues and problems that they would not have if you parent them. Please research effects of adoption on adoptees. Your baby is expecting his/her natural family to be there for him/her. I promise you your baby will not care how old you are or how much money you make.

If you give away your child, you and your girlfriend will not forget your firstborn no matter how many years go by. That child cannot be replaced no matter how many other children you may later go on to have. Listen to the heartache experienced by other parents who have given away their children & learn so those same mistakes need not be repeated. Please do not give up on yourselves before you even give yourselves a chance to be the parents you can be. Please do not give up on your child. That's not what the child would want. That's not what God would want. Good Christians should not be judging each other or their families.

If you are thinking of consulting with an adoption agency, remember, they stay in business by obtaining babies for their clients. They are incapable of providing objective counseling. If you are white, they will turn around & sell your baby for $30,000 or more. Please do not let anyone profit off of your child in the name of Christianity. Oh, one final word of advice: "Open adoption" does not legally exist. Hope this answer gives you and your girlfriend some things to think about. Thoughts & prayers with you.

julie j
reunited adoptee

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

yeah, because god fearing christians are all about money, and so their offspring should be too.

keep your kid.

gnome_of_my_own

Well I'm an atheist so I can't really understand exactly what you're feeling but I think its wonderful for whatever reasons that you want your child to have a better life and if the religion is the issue and you're worried about God then ensure your child is given to a family that will raise him/her the way you would have raised it if the timing was right and you were in a good place. There are plenty of Christian couples out there looking for a baby. Good luck no matter what you two decide.

Additional comment:
Also I think its great that you're concerned but make sure you're in tune and sensitive to what your girlfriend must be going through. Even if she thinks its the right decision it could still be heartbreaking for her. I couldn't even imagine giving one of my kids up for adoption. The thought alone makes me emotional (of course I'm pregnant right now). Seriously though... just take good care of her.. this has to be killing her and when she sees the baby for the first time(if she chooses to) it'll be even harder on her if she gives it up.

Chloe

Honestly, I've never come across a pasage where God condemns doing the right thing for a child. My advice is to pray about it. Give it to god and let it be His decision.

Me.

If you believe that it will give your kid a better life, then go for it. However, remember that God will guide you and help you if you decide to keep it. I recommend an open adoption. That way you can still show your baby love and be in it's life and not always be a question in their mind.... AND you can be sure they are getting what they need. It's a nice option. God bless!

Baby2 in Oct.

PRAY about it by your self and with your girlfriend. Speak with your preacher or other christian role models that can give you wisdom and advice. I don't believe that god has a problem with adoption, but I know that he has a problem having children out of wedlock. I think you need to do some real searching and praying.

ihrtveggies

God knows what is in your and your gfs heart, if you are giving your child up for unselfish reasons-and it seems like you are--than there is no reason to think that God would disagree. I think God just wants us to do right by eachother, and adoption is a wonderful thing to do for another.

Kristen D

I am also a Christian and I believe that you are doing the right thing. In my opinion God wants you to have the child. Abortion would be the wrong decision. I don't think there is anything in the bible about adoption so go for it! I know a lot of people who are adopting children because they cannot have any of their own, so you are actually being a huge blessing to another. Try and look at it that way!

Santa's Lil' Helper

Moses and Jesus were "adopted"!

You need to pray about it and I suggest you both speak to your respective pastors and parents.

Remember that God may not give you anything you asked for but everything you hoped for.....
ponder that before making any decisions.

utahyoda

I am so happy when I hear of a couple that isn't ready to raise a child considering adoption. It will probably be the hardest thing you every do, but it is a blessing for so many lives. I watched someone close to me place a child for adoption, and it was so hard, but so wonderful, too.

My church is a Christian church and is very pro adoption. I think that God wants every child to be raised in a loving family that is ready to care for it. This is between you, your girlfriend, and God, of course.

You will probably hear some disparaging comments if you chose to place your child with another couple, but please keep in mind why you are doing it. Be proud that you made a mature decision and are willing to provide your child with the life you can't give him or her. Adoptions come in so many forms now that you can choose your level of contact with the child and the adoptive family.

I wish you both luck. Look for the blessings in disguise in all of this. God bless.

jambandfan

I agree with your decision; it's very mature of you both. And I think your church(s) will be supportive, too. Putting up a baby for adoption isn't a sin.

Why not try a private adoption? That way you'll have a say in the type of home your child will be raised in.

sizesmith

I am an adoptive mom (and hoping to be again!), and belong to a rural, small town Baptist church. Our church is very supportive of the adoption, and is thrilled to help us find another child. Many of our members belong to the local pregnancy resouce center, and although we don't want there to be unwanted pregnancies, we know there will be, and we all strive to help those in that situation.

Remember when God's son was conceived through the immaculate conception, and Joseph raised him? Although maybe it wasn't a legal adoption like today's Jesus was adopted. Moses was also rescued from a river while in a basket, and went on to receive the 10 commandments. I think God approved of these adoptions, and he sure agrees that adoption is a much better way to go than to abort!!!!!! I also want to congratulate you on being a proud Christian, and seeking advice. It shows a great deal of faith, and it's something that someday, you'll see this child again, and show him your question. Good luck, my prayers are with you, and we'd love another chance to adopt!

lambby34_1978

I would say that that is one excellent option. Some adoption agencies will let you have an open adoption. That is where you can have some contact as the child grows up. Have you talked to some of your family members? Are any of them interested in adoption? I would say do your best to find the best parents for your children and good luck. This is one hard decision to make so I hope and pray that it works out for you. As far as God being mad, I would say he would be more upset if you went the other route. I am pro choice myself but that includes the choice to adopt as well. I think God would be glad that you are making a responsible decision. Don't sit and think about what God would want, pray about it and you will find peace. Talk to your preacher as well. I am sure you and your girlfriend need all the support you can get right now! Good luck again! :)

Leigh

I know this is a difficult situation just continue to pray about it. The bible speaks of adoption in several places .Check out Ephesians 1:5, Romans 8:15, 8:23 , 9:4 and Galatians 4:5. These verses should bring you some comfort as they speak of the adoption of saved people into God's family.

Sometimes things like this happen so other couples who arent able to have a child of their own can adopt & finally be a family instead of just a couple. You may want to check with your family members to see if anyone would like to adopt the child to complete their own families & still have the child in your family circle . If not , there are many other options available. There are many infertile couples who would love to do a private adoption without going thru all the redtape & cost of an agency .

My husband & i have been trying to adopt for years after going thru the fertility clinic. We have found that for most normal people adoption agencies are EXTREMELY high priced with most agency adoptions starting around $20,000. If you do decide to privately adopt your child to a couple you will be giving them the most Precious gift they will EVER receive .

Continue to pray about it & God will lead you in the right direction . GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS YOU BOTH !

Kerie K

You are making the best decision to give the baby up for adoption. It won't be easy, but you will be able to live with yourself and be confident you looked for the child's best interests. God will not condemn you for giving a baby up for adoption ... where harming the child and dragging it through instability or bad parenting might just wind you up in the 'hot seat' so to speak :) Best wishes to you and yours!

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