Closing Open Adoptions?

cantstopLinnyG

You will not find any hard facts about this, because it is a dirty little secret. The industry would NEVER want the public to know the numbers, nor do they publicly acknowledge that open adoptions are not legally enforceable.

While an overwhelming majority of open adoptions are "closed" by the adoptive parents, there are cases when the first Mom chooses not participate after a while.

Most first Moms who have discontinued the open adoptions say that it was too difficult on them and the child, as it was never in a "neutral" place, and the monitoring was so intense it was degrading. Other f Moms have stated it was too hard on them emotionally.

But again, I doubt we'll see any honest stats from the government or from agencies on this.

magic pointe shoes

It comes from the voices and voices and more voices of first mothers who are devastated by agreements not being kept. It comes from voice after voice after voice of adoptive parents blogging and talking about how that they did everything they could but had to for their own sanity and their child's sanity close the adoptions. The voices are so loud, it's obvious that open adoptions close. And that isn't even including the agencies and facilitators who persuade potential adoptive families to be more open to get their match because then the biological parent will disappear that first year anyway and doesn't really want openess.

There aren't statistics because there aren't statistics kept of how many children are relinquished for adoption each year, let alone how many are open versus closed adoptions.

But the volume of the voices can't be denied. It is a rare adoption that stays open and with the promises kept.

realmom lese

How about me??? I am a source. I am living proof. It doesn't get anymore factual than living it.

Before the ink was dry on what was supposed to be an open adoption, the AP's slammed the door shut. The agency tried everything to get them to follow through with their promises, but the AP's never had any intentions of honoring the agreement and made that clear. They had the goods, and I was their incubator. That's it. The agency tried unsuccessfully for 18 years to get the AP's to do what they promised. 18 yrs! My child is painfully aware of how her parents screwed her other parents.

Do you actually think that an organization is documenting AP's reneging on openness? Yeah right. Like anyone really gives a crap on how the natural mother is treated. We are put here on earth to provide babies.

I have a relative that is a family attorney that handles adoptions all the time. She said that open adoptions are the proverbial carrot to lure a young mother in......and that the young mother should know better. This is a highly paid, highly respected attorney, and she expects a young girl with no background, and no one but people that WANT to profit from the baby guiding her down this deceptive path.......she is supposed to see through this? These are supposed to be professionals! This isn't the dark ages either. This is now.

Felicita1

The 80% figure was accidentally leaked verbally on the phone by a Bethany Christian Services worker. I have a reliable source (the mother who was calling Bethany at the time to find out why her adoption had suddenly slammed shut).

"Wonder" -- what state or country are you in? "Open adoptions" are NOT legally binding anywhere for infant adoption. Even in states where they are supposedly "enforceable," this only applies to children adopted at an older age from foster care, where the judge determines that a "pre-existing relationship" exists between parent and child and it is in the child's best interest to have some sort of contact. Other than that, often "enforcable" means a party can ask for mediation, not arbitration. Or a fine is payable -- not much of a deal if you want to close it.

Laurel J

I don't have any data, but there are several anecdotes here:

http://www.exiledmothers.com/open_adoption/

And I won't claim it happens "most" of the time because I have no stats or proof, but hey, one suicide is enough for me:

http://www.adoption-articles.com/suicide_assisted_suicide.htm

Kazi

I would also be curious to see hard stats regarding this, if they in fact even exist. I was shocked to hear tales of parents closing the door on their children's original parents for what appeared to be frivolous reasons, but those tales were only on the internet. All of the adoptive parents I know IRL who adopted domestically either privately and through foster care and entered into an open adoption agreement have beant over backwards to maintain that openness, so while I am sure it happens, I would be very curious to see actual stats. It is a shame that it happens at all though.

â™¥ kay.

Of course, people don't want to see or hear about the cold hard truth about adoption.

It's a FACT. Adoptive parents can act "fake" before the baby pops out so they could finally hold and take home their "child". Then they could close the doors. Some adoptive parents don't but the rest do.

Open your eyes and you'll see the truth. There won't be any websites stating about adoptive parents closing a case and not letting the real parents see their child. Why? Agencies want people to think adoption is all about rainbows and flowers. But in reality, it's not.

Edit: Can't you read? There won't be any websites stating adoptive parents closing a case and not letting the real parents see the child. Agencies are brain washing especially towards teenage mothers. They DON'T want any one to see that the child doesn't matter, it's all about the money.

Independ"ant"

The "fact" that Open Adoptions are not legally enforceable says enough.

I doubt that this little fact is even listed in the fine print.

sizesmith

The truth is, we adoptive parents actually want open adoption, however, our son's first mom doesn't. The first dad visits, and his mom, but we've been trying for open adoption, and the placing mothers I've talked to want closed. Our foster care workers won't allow open adoption in our area.

I think open adoption should be legally enforceable, similar to custody agreements between divorced parents. This would only be in non-abusive cases, and where it's in the best interest of the child.

wonder

Well I can say that we are going through an adoption and by law our lawyer had to ask the birth mom how much visitation she wanted. It is a legally binding document. Not that we would want to but we could not just close the door. It is similar to custody rights in a divorce. I've been wondering where people are getting their info on the topic. I think they are making it up. Hope this helps.

â™¥ kay. ... I believe they asked for sources. Do you have any?

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