Coercion vs. Choice?

amyburt40

Why are you insistent on this? I can show proof of it.

The Texas DFPS reports violations to this nature on its maternity homes. Smithlawn is one of the worst. They are now subjected to inspections every 3-5 months because of this. LDS Social Services was also busted for this in Texas. They failed to properly inform a father of the impending adoption. They actually told the adoptive parents that his child was free to be adopted. Lying, coercion exists. I know that the Texas Board of Social Workers is cracking down on it big time.

You really ought to cruise that website. It would freak you out how they treat both children and mothers. A majority of the adoption agencies and maternity homes in Texas should very honestly be closed. They have reports of child abuse, no TB testing, inability to get thorough background checks on adoptive parents, foster parents, and employees, reports of coercion of women, and many other things.

Lillie

Why don't you read "The Girls Who Went Away". Maybe then you'll have a little more respect and empathy for what many first moms went through.

Gershom

Alisia, nobody is saying that ALL first mothers have been coerced, but some mothers STILL are.

Here is an article that was reported to find ways to work with expecting mothers to get them to surrender MORE.

http://antiadoption.files.wordpress.com/2007/09/adoption-brainwashing-in-illinois.pdf

Coercion can be as simple as calling an expecting mother, a birth mother so that she starts considering herself a birth mother. And what IS a birthmother? Someone who has surrendered her child. So if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, calls herself a duck...is she a duck? Statistics say she has a better chance of being a duck than a goose that she was when she walked into the agencies doors.

This isn't an industry built for the better of children, this is an industry built to make money off of the sales of children. These people are business men and women, who are working in a 3 billion dollar a year industry. They have invested interestes in mothers surrendering their children. They are providing a supply of children to the demand of infertile / childless couples.

Is it ALWAYS this way NO.
Is EVERY mother coerced NO.

But there IS invested interests in telling expecting mothers what they need to be told, to hand over their children.

I think its hard for you to see through your anger right now. But when you CAN, check out http://www.theadoptionshow.com they have past shows that you can listen to without getting a membership and they address modern day coercion.

There is a book out on the shelves called Fast Track Adoption by Susan Burns, its all about how to manipulate the mother out of her child to get a newborn baby faster than waiting for one to become available in the states.

The Adoption and Safe Families act gave money incentive to agencies and states to place more children. Although originally intended to help place more foster youth into permanent homes, it didn't do that. It increased the number of infants, newborns and private and agency adoptions. When agencies have invested interests in having more adoptions happen so that they can profit $10,000 coercion is going to happen.

More often than not, the "birthmother counseling" is coercive as well. They're not in business due to mothers who keep their children, they make nothing when a mother keeps her baby. They only profit if she surrenders. WHY WOULD THEY HELP HER KEEP HER CHILD? They don't. They don't offer living assistance to mothers KEEPING. This is A BUSINESS.

There are currently.... hmm...a handful of mothers and fathers fighting for their children

Allison Quets: http://www.allisonquets.com/
Carmen McDonald: http://www.shns.com/shns/g_index2.cfm?action=detail&pk=BABYWAREHOUSE-02-06-05
Cody O'Dea http://www.babyselling.com
Bryn: http://www.babyselling.com/bryn
Stephanie Bennett: http://sendevelynhome.com/default.aspx

and TONS more!!

sunny

Adoption is not a 'choice' most would make if they had more support--financial, family, and from society. They're desperate.

I just went to look at mattresses. I was told that whatever mattress I bought, I could return it within 90 days, no questions asked! Home Depot, Wal-Mart, and Target have the same policy.

How long is the longest revocation period any US state, for an exhausted-from- pregnancy, desperate- for- money, fully hormonal woman to change her mind about her 'choice'? No where near 90 days in any state. Most women aren't capable of making life altering decisions when they're premenstrual! And for those who have never been pregnant and delivered, it's like PMSing x 1000. Fuggetabouit!

And kids really aren't that expensive, here are two sites to find great baby stuff cheap and free!

http://www.freecycle.org
http://www.craigslist.com

Ghost Writer Rides Again

For many women, they choose adoption due to financial resources as well as support issues. And many do not have the resources to escape from those who would pressure them into relinquishment. Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Agencies and lawyers use outdated statistics and outright fear to obtain babies. Not all of them were coerced. I wasn't coerced into relinquishing my youngest, but this does not mean it doesn't happen. There are stories from women even from the mid to late nineties of how they lost their children. Some even changed their minds within the proper timeframe and were still denied their child. So, before you go on about how women are not coerced, you should really look into it a bit more. It does happen. Only now it is more subtle.

BPD Wife

I hear what you are saying, and do agree with some of the points you made, however, as an adoptive mom, I experienced an attempt at coercion first hand with the bio family.

When our son was born, the state stepped in and removed the child from the bio parents for valid reasons. Because our son has a rare genetic disorder that can be life-threatening, the state placed the child into kinship care with the bio grandparents rather than foster care. The bio parents made it clear that they did not want to parent this child and had no intention to follow the guidelines set up by the state. The state suggested to the bio family that they try to proceed with a private adoption rather than placing the child into foster care because of his medical condition.

The bio family found us through friends and we began a private adoption process. The state "changed their mind" and tried to stop the private adoption and place the child in foster care. I was told point blank by the NJ social worker that since our son was a "white caucasian infant, he was a hot commodity". I was shocked! Fortunately for the bio family & our son, a family court judge sided with the bio family and agreed to allow everyone to proceed with the private adoption.

Did I believe coercion existed prior to that? No. Did I understand the coercion tactic at the time? I don't think I did. I know that I was appalled by the comment but it wasn't until after we realized the state was given money for all of the foster kids they placed in permanent adoption that we realized the magnitude of what was happening. And then when I came here, I realized that it was truly coercion.

bestadvicechick

I think most bmoms DO make a conscious choice, as you said. But the word choice is a funny thing because alot of factors can go into the decision. Some women make the conscious choice but only because they feel they have no other choice. I think people do throw the word "coercion" around a bit too much on this forum. To me, there's a difference between an adoption counselor merely counseling a bmom and coercion which in my mind is like arm twisting & making the bmom feel like they have no other choice.

Wundt

I think this is a very difficult question to answer...

First, I am certain there is, in some cases, coercion. There is money to be made with adoptions and some unscrupulous adoption agencies, 'adoption counselors', and attorneys know that these mothers are very vulnerable. The birth mothers are usually poor, poorly educated, and going through a emotional time (childbirth). Also, there are other social pressures and concerns for their child's and their own future. It is not a 'healthy' place to make a decision. So, I would not agree that when you say they "made a choice" that that is strictly correct. Looking from the outside, in, is a very different thing, and it is easy to see other options. But, the reality of being in that situation is very different. Consider when you have had to make a decision under extreme pressure... did you always make the right decision? Aren't there decisions you regret?

However, I do see another side of this as well. I sometimes wonder when someone says they were coerced (into anything), if they are just remember it that way to make themselves feel better. If you read research on memory, you will see that our emotions and expectations severely impact what we remember. Memory is actually a very poor measure of truth. It may be that if you regret a decision your entire life, it is easier to justify that decision in your mind by remembering it as coercion. This is not to say all claims of coercion are false, but it begs the question, how can we be certain?

Finally, what is coercion? A nurse or counselor may feel that the advice or encouragement to an expectant mother considering adoption is sound advice. While, others may feel it is coercion. I get the impression that some would feel that anything contrary to their own point of view is â€œcoercionâ€, and anything that they agree with is just â€œgood adviceâ€.

I donâ€™t have an answer. I think every case is different, and any generalization about this topic is impossible.

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