Compare & contrast: APs today vs. yesteryear?

kateiskate

I really don't think much has changed. Where there were adoptive parents who were uneducated about how it affects us like mine were, there are now desperate adoptive parents who would stoop to unethical methods to adopt their children. Which is worse? To me it is the unethical behavior. A lot of the older adoptive parents did not know any better. They were sold the happy adoption idea from the adoption agencies and social workers. They bought into it because everyone WANTS to believe that adoption can be good for everyone involved. They want to believe it's what's best for us.

To me there's a difference between not knowing any better and going out and participating in unethical behavior on purpose.

LuAnne L

Well I was a potential "birthmother" until recentally. The way that the P.A.P.'s marketed themselves to me was they were so friendly at first and so loving. They told me how I make their dreams come true and I would be so blessed for the rest of y life for giving them a daughter. They ade me feel like such a great person. The agency I went threw was the same way the consular was extremely friendly and told me how giving my daughter to an older more ready couple would help me and she told me that my daughter would be "better off" because I am not ready to be a parent. They made me feel like I was an angel, and I fell for it. But as soon as i voiced my second thoughts about adoption they swarmed me with guilt.

I think they build you up if you are a "birth mother" (I hate that term ) and then if you dont give them what they want they make you feel the worse person ever so that you will give up your baby. I think the Adoptive parents of the old days or many years ago were not as pushy and maybe that is because they didnt usually work directly with the mothers, I think more ppl went threw private adoptions a while ago, now they do a lot of pre birth matching and that is a big diffrence between now and a while back.

Rowan

My parents never intended to adopt, but i seriously doubt they would have stooped to using anything less then legal and ethical means.

Heck, my dad barely knows how to program the new computer he got my nephew! He'd never figure out youtube.

DevonChaos

Mine just went to the agency. I think they wanted it to be as clinical as possible. They filled out their papers, waited a few years, then took me home. They took me home in 1978.

I hate to think that the trend is leaning towards people going to hideously extreme measures to find pregnant women. These tactics are horrid. I know my parents wouldn't have gone through them for me, and I know with every cell of my body, that I wouldn't use them for myself. Its just disgusting.

Cambria

I can't imagine my parents ever doing any of those things.

And for those who are coming down on older generation APs, I would just like to point out that (at least for my parents) they didn't know any better. My mom has recently been educating herself a lot about adoption and has said that she is really angry now that they weren't given more information and that they were sold the happy-happy adoption story without being given any information about the potential difficulties and the very real sense of loss that comes along with it. Now that she does know she is trying as hard as she can to make sure she is being supportive of me around adoption issues and feels bad that she didn't have the same amount of information back when I was growing up so that they could have acted differently.

SJM

No. Never. Especially not my dad. He would have rather, well, there's a list of humiliating things he would have rather done than ask some woman for her baby. It just wouldn't have happened.

Anha S

Nope, would have been far too crass and unseemly to do that. They desperately wanted a baby, but not enough to make horse's arses of themselves.

Heather B

Not in a million years would my parents have gone to the lengths of today' s 'enlightened' generation of PAPs. They are as grossed out by it as I am.

My parents chose to adopt thru the foster care system because they couldn't in good conscience to privately and buy a baby (sorry, pay 'fees' for a baby)

Serenity71

Somet things i look at think...huh how could they do that, its wrong and can lead to all sorts of problems. (Like the Youtube advert.)

But then again it was more common for a child to find out they were adopted in later in life with no hope of finding their Nfamily because of fears from SOME adoptive parents. (not couple, some even went by their own instincts about and were truthful with their kids from the start.)

Is it just that there is a technology brought it out in the open what some people are prepared to do to get a baby. Yeah i think so. Back in the BSE it was all kept under wraps. Even a lot of AP's didn't know what went on hospitals and how babies were taken from their mothers. Some of them were lied to as well. These days there is no real excuse for being unethical (though not being educated of the effects adoption can have on a child) or ignorant when going into adoption. The information is there, so are books and other studies about adoption and what is considered ethical.

No 'marketing' was used in our adoption-Family preservation comes first. Its considered the last option, not the first.

* from the Great White North*

I am a new age AP and I would never go on youtube advertising myself. We adopted threw the foster care system were there is already many kids waiting for Ap's.

I could never imagine telling my child I found them on craigslist, right beside the add for our washing machine o.0

Jennifer L

I don't know. On one hand, the tactics by some are more aggressive. But on the other hand, I don't know ANY adoptive parents today (rather, APs within the last, say, ten years) that are deliberately not telling their children that they were adopted.

Some things have improved.

Sophie

As an adoptive parent of "today", I can say I have never "marketed" myself to any biological parent. I have never done a dear birthmother letter, or you tube video, made business cards or craigs list postings to "get a baby". On the other hand, I have not done any of the things from the "BSE" era (or "yesteryear") as well.

I had a homestudy, went through an agency/lawyer, was cleared through local and state police, as well as passed the USCIS and Federal criminal clearances.

Independ"ant"

Its worse in my opinion since IA has become so popular and child trafficking is common and easy.

They are "aware" of human rights violations going on, pay 20G+ and ignore it. They are buying babies as if they were dolls.

I think the MAIN reason why you see more achildren being told they are adopted is simple.........the Aps are of a completely different race/ethnicity and there is no way to get around it. "The Aps are forced to do it".

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