Concerns/Issues with adopting a child aged 3 or 4 against adopting a baby?

Mom to Foster Children

Sunshine and Faith - how on earth is adopting a baby and giving birth the SAME feeling?

We were placed with our son when he was 4 and we adopted him right before he was 7. While he does have some behavior issues - we are working with his therapist to deal with them. For a while he would do unimaginable things to see if we would "move him" to another home. He tested our patience many many times - tested boundaries to the extreme - but we didn't give up on him.

Erin L

I recommend Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best

birthdad in hell

it does depend on the reason for the adoption. with foster kids it does tend to be abuse though i feel that the systems definition is skewed a bit. for example one friend was removed at age 5 because mom had got an oui and did not complete the court ordered courses for alchoholism in a timely manner. the child was removed because the mother failed to protect the child from a potential danger and failed to recognize her actions as damaging. the child wasn't in the car. it ook her 6 years to reverse the adoption that was pushed through 14 months after removal from the home.
anyway to the point the biggest and most enduring issues from my understanding are seperation issues, identity issues, and bonding/trust isssues. these will manifest themselves in various ways solely depending on the child,enviroment,past abuse etc each one is unique in and of itself. it might be acting out in anger. it might be turned inwards and absorbed, nightmares,bed wetting,increased anxiety, all are different symptoms of the same issues.
of course i'm not an adoptee or foster child. they are the ones who can answer best, me i'm a birth dad that is the family secret. i never knew my bio dad and didn't learn of him until i was 17. the more i read on here the more i learn about myself as well as adoption in general etc.

23 year old texas female married

It all depends on what kind of abuse or neglect they suffered. Some children tend to be very shy and afraid of adults and will wet the bed and have accidents. Others might hit at you you or when you try to hug them or hold them scream and cry out of fear of being hurt. They might hide in closets or under beds especially if they hear you arguing with somebody. They will be scared and it will take time for them to learn to trust you until you have showed them that you will not harm them. It's heart breaking to see babies like that but once they feel safe and protected it will melt your heart.

Sunshine

Adopting an infant is the same feeling as giving birth...I KNOW
Adopting a child who is 3 or 4 is a very different experience because of all that may have gone on in the child's life. You must be prepared for certain behaviors that may or may not be able to overcome. Good luck whichever route you decide to pursue.

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