Controversial adoption ?

cantstopLinnyG

While I think all these answers "sound nice", not one of them is an adopted child of a different race. NO ONE can speak for an adopted child, except themselves. Not their parents, not their friends...only them.

Yes, it's awesome to have a family, but transracial adoptees have so many more issues than same race adoptees.
Take a look at these links. They are amazing, and are from the perspective of a transracial adoptee.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBydHpfIZnw&feature=channel_page

http://www.youtube.com/user/adoptedthemovie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hz55snvK_40&feature=PlayList&p=D31AFACFF5F1C02A&index=24

Somebody

I honestly don't think it matters. As long as the child feels comfortable with who s/he is and knows they are loved as that person then race is unimportant.

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

I once listened to a lecture given by a very prominent Black adoptee who was adopted as a young boy, 4 or 5, by a White couple and was raised in a rural all White area of the U.S. .....He shared with us how he and his brother never wanted for anythingâ€¦.they were showered with all the love and material needs a child could ever want. .....

When he attended college was the first time he had ever seen another Black person besides his brother. He barely remembered his natural family, so his primary memories were of living with his adoptive family. He shared how the other Black students on campus who he gravated toward told him he sounded like a White person.

He told how he loved his adoptive family very much and honored them......but he knew he had missed something by having never been introduced to people who "looked like him".....

This was a story of a man who lived this.....and understood. His story, not mine.

So....do I think we should match families and children by race......no, as long as the families can and will commit to honoring the children's historical heritages, embrace the many cultures which make up their own and can become multi-culturally competent so their children will not be shell shocked when they are out in the real world. It is imperative we teach our children where they came from, even if we did not hale from VERY same beginningsâ€¦..

There was a time when children and families were matched by Raceâ€¦.we can no longer do that. Too many children were being denied placement in homes who could meet their basic needs just because their skin did not match.

Paulo Coelho is my hero

I am sorry, but let's be honest
society is racist
I have friends who are adopted, when the family isn't the same race as they are sometimes they have race issues.
Do you think it's considered attractive in society to be adopted?
In the Philippines they sure as hell don't look at adopting kids as a good thing, that's why I can't get a Filippino guy but I don't care.
I know I sound like a horrible person and I will get a thumbs down, but I just want to be honest here, not just politically correct.
Race is an issue, it always has and as long as human society exists all we can do is understand it.

When the adopted child makes friends at school and the friends come over to the child's house, the friends might say, "this isn't you house," or "why are your parents white?"

it is an issue, but it's better that the child gets a family than none. However, the child will go through things. I know in my area hispanics hang out with hispanics, black people hang out with black people, asians hang out with asians. there are asian guys who won't go out with me just because I'm mixed, it's the reality.

My ex boyfriend didn't want me anymore when I told him what races I really was.

We don't live in la la land, we live in reality.

wolf mama

I am Alaska Native, so is my husband. Our culture is so much a part of our lives that it would be so strange to not have it. I feel such a sadness for those who are part of our tribe but grow up without it. We have such a structure for marriage, family, death, language, food. We really have protocol for a lot of life situations. It is difficult to explain but I honestly don't know what kind of person I would be if I weren't a part of the culture I am.
So for me, I would love for every child who is Alaska Native to grow up in Alaska Native home. I realize that this isn't realistic but it should be a goal.

yeahright

I don't think this is controversial as much as some folks make it out to be anymore. I went to a pizza fundraiser last night in support of my son's school--what was apparent is there are many many bi-racial adopted children at my son's school.

Jennifer L

We are a Caucasian couple that adopted black children (from Africa). Race is not an issue within my family, but race continues to be an ongoing issue with society at large. I have to try to teach my children how to confront racism (something I've never really experienced), find pride in an ethnicity that I don't share and celebrate a culture that is not mine. It's challenging, to be sure!

We do have the benefit of an ethnically diverse extended family that has been extremely supportive. We also live in an ethnically diverse area. My children are not the only non-white faces in the family picture or in their school and neighborhood. Still, we get "looks" sometimes, as a family. The other weekend my husband and I took our children and their best friends (Brother and sister of similar ages) who are hispanic, out for ice cream. There were LOTS of looks then: two white adults, two black children, two hispanic children.

So, I think that there are challenges, but not insurmountable ones. The issues do need to be first acknowledged by the adoptive parents, however. Just to say "Race doesn't matter" is a gross oversimplification.

ETA: There are a couple of good books out there, if you want to read more.

Check out: Inside Transracial Adoption and In Their Own Voices. They are books from the perspective of transracial adoptees. They should be required reading for adoptive parents.

Xanden Wyatt's Mommy!

it doesn't matter anymore.. What about all of the black babies being born to white mothers who do not have their fathers in their lives?? What's the difference?

As long as the family loves them I think its great either way!

Tracy T

I think the only factor in adoption should be that the family will provide unconditional love and stability for their child.

Mommy of Syrell

Well honestly I don't think it should matter what color the child if the parents love them.

My sister is black (not adopted) and everyone else in the family is white and she is just fine.

Eternal Elevation

i don't think it matters...looking at Angelina Jolie family, its beautiful! she is a good mother to her kids and that all that matters!

sara w

love first...deal with racial issues when they arise.

Randy B

While my wife and I are white we've also adopted an East Indian child and a First Nations child plus we have a bio child as well. We've got a rainbow family thing going on as others have said and for us it's worked well. My children for the most part don't see race as an issue either in our family and with others. We've been lucky enough to live in multi racial communities and I can honestly say we've never had an issue with race, either aimed towards us or from my children.

I've received more flack from within this forum for our multi racial family then I have in real life. I've been told that I have a "pious" attitude and that I've brainwashed my children into thinking that race doesn't matter. I've been accused of doing them a disservice by having adopted them from their culture and that "in the real world, race matters".

Sure, race matters as does culture and we have always embraced the race and culture of everyone in my family as much as we can. I don't raise my (East Indian) daughter to be white the same way I don't raise my white daughter to be non-white. Although our youngest daughter is still an infant we've been to her Band's reserve twice now for Pow Wows and have met her Tribal Elders. Each child is raised to be the best person they can be. We celebrate their individual races and cultures but more importantly I think, we don't promote or tolerate racism or cultural intolerance. There is enough of that in the world already and I'm proud of the fact that we can stop it from spreading to our children.

Independ"ant"

God...times are changing aren't they.

What kinda school would allow this to be a "debate" topic?.

Are there any adoptee's in the class....ask them how they feel about this.

itsnancy

I call my family a rainbow. My family believes that children need to be LOVED and feel that they belong. I am 54 years old and my family has been adopting and fostering without caring about the race of the child all my life. I am related to people of all races and I love it. We are always interested in learning about other cultures but some of these children have grand children and they are happy well adjusted loving people. Our family is still adopting like this. I think life is what you make it and too many people spend far too much of theirs worrying about what other people do. We always do open adoption. We always say anyone can have a child but it takes a lot to adopt one so adopted children know they were wanted and never an accident. I have always wondered when the world will finally realize that we all look different on the outside but we are all the same on the inside. We all want to be loved and accepted for who we are.

$weetne$$

I grew up wirth foster kids and called them all my cousins. I feel family is family BUT I want to adopt in the near future and I would like a child of my race. Because I don't want them to not feel apart of me. I may not have given birth to them but they are my child and having a child who is not my race could lead them to feel like an outsider. Some of the foster kids I grew up with were adopted out to families of other races and they adjusted just fine. So, I think it is just up to you.

Crucio

Kids will find anything to tease another child about its just the way it is. You do have bi-racial people who are raised by their white side of the family. You look at the President he was mainly raised by his white side of the family. It wasnâ€™t until he was already an adult that the started having relationship with his African/black kinfolk. You could even have a very light / passable bi-racial person raised mainly by their black side of the family. There was a black mother who did a youtube video her daughter is mixed (white father) but her daughter looks more white then black or in between. You could even have a Eurasian who is being raised mostly by Asian side of the family or even the white side of the family.

I do agree it is a good for a child to be educated in their heritage but that is the responsibility of the adoptive parents (and even Natural parents) to do so. A white couple can easily teach their Korean adopted child about Korea, Korean customs, even visit if its in the budget. Just as Black couple could teach a white child that they adopted who is of say Dutch and Scottish ancestry about those heritages , customs etc.

Lauryn

i Don't think it matters at all. My aunty adopted a african baby, the love that they have for each other is beautiful.... and i WANT TO aDOPT FROM ASIA africa and india so yeah...

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