Different kind of question--siblings of adoption, kept children etc?

cantstopLinnyG

I have been in reunion with my n mom for 22 years. She just told my siblings last October. She was terrified to tell them. If you have read "The Girls Who Went Away", she is every girl in that book. Its heartbreaking, actually.

I knew they wouldn't react like she had imagined they would react, and Im glad they did not.

Two of my 4 siblings contacted me within 24 hours. Everyone of them have said. "It makes sense." They said she always had an air of extreme guilt and sadness around her. They also said, "WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG???"

I told them I had respected her decision, that it would be easier coming from her. After 22 years of having her say "The time was not right", I finally told her I had to know them, and that there would never be a right time. It was difficult for her, but she did it, and I am so glad.

Its been an amazing thing for me, and my entire family, both adoptive and bio. Especially for my kids. They do not look like me or their Dad, but they are the closest things to clones you've ever seen, when you see them next to their cousins. Its freaky.

Having never looked like anyone, my entire life, not even my kids, it has been so cool. We all look so much a like. We even laugh a like, talk alike, and think alike. By the time our weekend was over, we finished each other's sentences, and it was like we had known each other our entire lives.

They are struggling a bit. They are angry that she never told them. I think I have been able to get them to understand her mindset a little, and let them know that maybe the time was not right then, but it's all good now. They, too, have read Anne Fessler's book, and have said their entire lives can now be defined by adoption...because of how it affected our Mother.

My adoptive family sees how happy I am. I feel like a real person, like I am no longer a secret. I have validation.

For some people, that may not make any sense. I have a great family, friends, an excellent career & a very fulfilling volunteer life, but having my existence known to all of my family, and to be loved by BOTH of my families has completed me.

Heather B

The kept one has an element of 'survivor guilt' I think.

Loads of cousins too, who are just lovely.

BOTZ

"So are any of you adoptees that found siblings?"

I am. I have 5 siblings (and two step-siblings) born to, or married-into, by my natural parents.

"Please tell your experiences good/bad. Did they know their mom had given up a child?"

My mother's 5 kids (3 natural, 2 step) all knew about me. My siblings knew about me from the ages of 10, 7, and 3. The step-siblings learned of me when they were adults -- because that is when my mom and their dad got married -- about 5 years before we reunited.

My father has 2 other children -- one knows about me and one doesn't. He is married currently to the mother of the one who knows about me. He is long-divorced (more than 20 years) from the one that doesn't.

It has been a wonderful experience on all accounts except I would like to contact my sister by my dad. She's 5 or so years younger than me (which would make her 30+) and I think it's both our rights to know about one another and decide on a relationship. I haven't decided I'm willing to lose my dad over it, though, so I haven't done anything -- maybe I never will.

I am fully involved in my family on my Mom's side. My husband and I vacation with them regularly and some of them have come to where we live to visit. I have also had contact with other, extended family members who live in a different state than me or my Mom.

FlutterMeBy

I'm not an adoptee but I do have a sister that was adopted. I didn't always know. I didn't really find out until age 16. The sister that was adopted was 3 years or so older then me.

I managed to find her adopted name, it was the same first and middle name, just different last names. In a moment of stupidity, I called the number I had. Her adoptive parents basically told me that she was THEIR family and not to call again. I believe they hadn't told her. She wasn't a minor...she was 19 at the time!

Now years later, I'm 18 and she has just turned 22 this month. I still have a number and address but scared to write or try to call again!

I hope she finds out and wants to find her birth family, if only for medical reasons( she has a right to that).

casttostrangers

I found out I had 3 older 1 /2 sisters when I received my Non ID. When I found my Mom I found out I also have a younger 1/2 sister and brother.
I have a relationship with 2 of my older sisters, the others wish no contact. They refuse to even give me a hello.
Only the oldest remembered her being pregnant the other 2 were too young. The rest found out during a family argument in the mid 90's
I was raised an only child.

Rowan

i have an older half brother and a younger full sister. my half brother knew about me and my twin brother right from the start. my little sister didnt find out til she was 13 that i was her sister.

She didnt handle it too well. She was pissed her mom hadnt told her sooner.

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