Do AP's have a responsibility to do everything they can to return the kids to their mothers?

Indian-vision

"return" !!! She isn't an object that will be passed back and forth. Her birth mother entrusted the "responsibility" to love her and raise her well. Not "return" her after i finish raising her.

Yet my child will get every help she wants when she wants to find her birth mama and connect with her. Till then her her birth mom has asked for only letters. we respect that. If she wanted to meet us we would be most happy.

ETA- The questioner nowhere mentioned in "contested" adoptions where the birth family wants to raise the child. It was asked in"general". But people here are responding like that was asked.
Yes i agree in most situations they should be returned to the family in a situation where the first parents never agreed to the adoption or it was an unethical adoption.

Kate

I was relinquished as a newborn, right out of the womb, place into foster care and at the age of one my health was better than expected. My biological father came in to sign the final papers and was asked if he wanted to see a photo of me, which he did. A few months later my social worker and foster mother set up timetables, arrangements for my biological mother and father to come into her home and learn to care for me then they could take me back.

The ministry did everything trying to get ahold of my biological parents, friends of my biological parents were phoning the ministry asking what they wanted and the ministry said it was confidential and that they needed my biological parents to contact them ASAP. Many months later still nothing, so I was officially placed for adoption and my foster parents adopted me.

My adoptive mother loved me but she did everything to try to get my biological parents to take me back but all failed, so she adopted me.

Kazi

Hmmm...

Do natural mothers have a responsibility to do everything they can to raise their children (if that's what they want)?

Opedial

Um, no. They have a responsibility to keep the lines of communication open about the First mom, and if possible have an open adoption, but no, we don't have a responsibility to "return" the children.

If though we found out the children were given to us under false pretenses, or we were mislead, sure we have some challenges and struggles to decide, but that is why I adopted from foster care and KNOW the situation and that my children could NOT be parented by their First mom due to neglect and abuse.

When they are older, I hope their other mom is more healthy and can engage in a relationship with them.

Laurel J

Yeah. Yeah, sure. In 1965, my a'parents should have tracked my mother down and left me on her doorstep so she could be disowned by her parents. Two abandoned offspring are better than one!

Our world contains many shades of gray.

ETA--I Answered this way because the OP gave no indication s/he was talking about incomplete or contested adoptions. In those cases, yes, the child should be returned.

Randy B

I didn't sign for my children on some sort of a "temporary loan card" where they are to be returned like a library book once I'm done reading it. They are my children now and will be for life.

Now, if one or both of them ever want to locate their birth parents I have information that will help them (and they know that now) and I will do all I can to assist them in their search however by that age they will not be returned, they will choose to connect if they wish.

icehockeymom7

In many cases, there is no such option.

Crucio

No I donâ€™t think so. Certainly they have a responsibility and should honor if they agreed to an open adoption. However they have no responsibility to say return their child two, five years later or however much time has passed. As long as itâ€™s after the reclaim period has ended. Now if its found out the adoption was not done right, someone did not sign away their rights that is another matter all together. I would think that would be a case by case situation and what is best for the child.

Very sad that KTEa got a thumbs down for sharing her story. I guess she squashes the fantasy that some people have that all natural parents are willing and want to parent their child(ren) and if offered or given some help they will do so.

JoHn S.

At what point?

monkeykitty83

Up till the point that the revocation period for a voluntary termination of parental rights has expired, yes. Till then, the prospective adoptive parents should be doing all they can to encourage the mother to parent, if she is willing and able.

After that point, or in cases where the mother's rights were terminated for abuse or neglect, then no. Children need permanence, and consistent care.

Can you imagine what it would be like to spend your entire childhood knowing your parents were unsuccessfully trying to give you away, no matter who they were trying to get to take you? Even if it was someone else you loved?

Adoptive families need to be able to form an attachment as a permanent family, for the sake of the child, once they are legally joined. They should also do all they can to keep the channels of communication open with the biological family, so the child can continue to have that relationship, too-- but that doesn't mean a transfer of custody.

I do think that a mother should be encouraged to parent her own baby whenever possible. But where that wouldn't be safe, or where the signing away of her parental rights is final, the adoptive parents need to love and nurture their adopted child as their own.

yeahright

IN a contested adoption, absolutely. In an abusive situation where violence or drugs are involved--nope.

Kazi--love the answer

sizesmith

Yes, and no. In the cases where children are voluntarily placed for adoption, and only after the first parents receive counseling, and training in ways to get help to raise the children, and only then, should AP's be NOT responsible for returning children. In hopefulness, when a first family places the child, in my opinion, it would be best if both the AP's and the first family work together to create a new family bond between all of them, so that way, the child doesn't lose his or her heritage.

In foster care, it is the foster parents, before they become parents responsibility to work with the first families, to help them get the training, the resources, and the help they need to be parents. Some cases work out great, and the least likely to succeed parents end up the greatest, and some of the ones who you'd think there'd be hope for NEVER show up for any of their appointments, and just stop the relationship with the kids.

In reality, AP's have no responsibility, because at that point, they are the new parents. It's before they become AP's that it counts.

Sofiakat

I actually think yes. when the child becomes an adult and can choose what kind of relationship they would like with their natural mothers, than an AP should do everything they can to help their child find their biological family.

IDK!!

Do AP's have a responsibility to do everything they can to return the kids to their mothers?

yes, everything THEY can...... sometimes that's not enough to make a difference.

Helena B

just the kidz

tish_part deux

if an adoption is contested, or the fmother is the least bit ambivalent (ABSENT OF PROVEN ABUSE OR NEGLECT)...you becha! the adoptive parents should return the child.

seriously, why would anyone want to raise a child that is wanted by his/her natural mother? kinda reminds me of a person who fights for a partner who doesn't want a relationship. it's a bit psycho.

chielu c

Nah, they want a kid, anybody's kid - what's best for a mother and her child is unimportant to adopters. Their goal is to BE the parents so they can share my-kid -stories like all the other parents. They want the mommy/daddy title.

If adoption were truly about helping a child who at any time in their young years needed temporary assistance because their parents were struggling, adoption would be rare.

Adopters own other people's children. Even if a child begged to go back to her or his mother, adopters are so greedy they'd never let them go.

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