Do AP's really want amended birth certificates for their kids?

gypsywinter

""But I'd want the original one too, for her.""

So would I...as the natural mother of my child. I am not allowed by law to have my daughter's OBC, when at that time I was my daughter's one and only legal mother.

I think one of the most ludicrous things about an Amended Birth Certificate..is that the adoptive mother's name is inserted as the name of the woman who gave birth to this child. How on earth did law makers feel this was proper and even legal to do? Listing the name of a woman as giving birth, when in medical fact she did not! And if adoption is the best of all possible worlds...why would any adoptive mother/parent who willingly chose adoption, be ashamed of that verifable, legal fact and want to intentionally hide it?

tish_part deux

since a child can only be "physically born once" it is a misnomer to have an "amended birth anything." i believe in an "adoption certificate" or some sort of a decree.

and to the poster who is concerned about the inquiries of outside entities: screw them. if you are this child's mother through adoption, then fine. claim that. but don't discount this child's birth due to some assumption of discrimination.

ETA: i encourage everyone to read shelly's answer. well stated.

Heather Leigh

I would like to see a "Certificate of Adoption" (or something like that) instead of an amended Birth Certificate. We could use that to prove we have guardianship when needed.

Freckle Face

No. I would prefer the birth certificates remain intact.

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

No. As a potential adoptive mom.. No, no no. A legal certificate of adoption, so I can prove I'm the child's mother, would be fine.. But I don't need a paper to lie and make it look like I gave birth to a child, when I did not. I don't need that to feel like a Mommy

myst1998

Hey there,

Great question - it has been good to see the answers here too... I always wondered how adoptive parents felt about this issue. Its nice to know there are things adoptive parents, adoptees and natural parents can actually agree on... to some extent anyway as I can't speak for everyone.

Sophie

Well, I would have liked to have it amended just enough to add my name as the adoptive mother.

I wish my son's natural parents were both listed on the certificate as well (an never be removed). There's no need to remove their natural parents, it's a BIRTH certificate!

I Love A Child With Autism!!!

No, I sure as heck didn't want it that was, but we had no choice. I agree with Tish, we should get an adoption certificate. That would be very acceptable to me and many other I am sure. I think this amending is a huge injustice to these children! These children are ours to raise, but we did not birth them. I cannot understand the logic in amending an official document to make it fraudulent!

ladybmw1218

Name changes can be handled without amending a BC. The name of the parents is what is changed...after all in most cases a BC is the only document showing who is the legal parent of any child. You have to show it to enroll kids in school, sometimes in sports, to travel, and it is needed to get other forms of ID when one is older such a driver's license or passport. If they used their OBC, they would then have to show an adoption or guardianship cert to prove legal parent/guardianship.

I can understand that not everyone would want a different document than everyone else, detailing their adoptee status, when they are using it for these purposes (I mean why should the guy at the DMV need to you you were adopted? Would that open one up to awkward questions or conversations?)...but currently that is the document used.

I would much prefer ALL children/parents be issued a different document. Like a child's state issued ID showing the names of their legal parents/guardians (for school enrollment and travel purposes) and their birthdate to prove age. Those are the only purposes served.

BC's should be filed to record the birth only and not used as ID and never touched or needed again. Luckily DS's first mom did get a copy of his OBC sent to her, and is keeping it for him.

In short, no I didn't want an amended BC, but I also don't want my son to have to unwillingly reveal his adopted status to random strangers. I would prefer some other form of ID.

rachelrmf@sbcglobal.net

we are adopting and we are opting to not change the name. The birth certificate will be redone to show us as the parent, but the name and last name will stay as far as what their mom wanted it to be. When my husband was adopted he was pissed he lost his last name so this is a very personal decision we have made. I'm not sure how others my feel about it.

rachael

i think some are finally coming around and seeing that an amended birth cert is not the best path to take. but there are plenty that feel more comfortable with an amended. i would guess this stems from the old thinking that adoption must be kept a secret.

as others have suggested, a certificate of adoption would serve the purpose of establishing cusdody, but preserve the obc.

wholelottacats

No, I wish we didn't have to get a new birth certificate. As the amom, I feel like his birth certificate will be a lie. I did not give birth to him, and I don't feel the need to have a piece of paper that says that I did, or pretend that it happened that way. My goal (intention? desire?) is to always be honest with him about his adoption, it's his story and his life - not mine to filter through what makes me happy or comfortable. And putting my name down as the woman who gave birth to him, and erasing his first mom - it's a lie.

Some sort of adoption certificate, or addendum, or a second line with mine and my husband's name is what I wish we had.

monkeykitty83

No, I have no desire for an amended birth certificate for my child as an adoptive parent. That whole concept seems really screwed up to me. I think that birth records should not be changed, and should reflect how things truly were at the time of birth, not custody changes that came later. A separate certificate of adoption would be sufficient to cover the legalities of proving custody-- there's no need to change or seal the birth records.

I think whether the child's surname is changed is an individual family decision (my preference would be to add the adoptive surname to the end of the existing name,) but there's no reason to change the record of the birth to accommodate a name change that came later, regardless.

Kim

I did not expect or want an amended BC. As others have stated, I do not need it to feel "more like a mommy" and it is really silly. Everyone knows that I did not give birth, no matter what it says on the certificate.

What I *would* like, is proof of the child's identity/proof of my ability to make decisions on my child's behalf that is commonly acceptable. Right now, that appears to be a BC. (I've tried to use our adoption certificate to sign my son up for things and it is *not* accepted as proof of age even though his birthdate is on it. I have to show a BC anyway.) And, when I do show the adoption certificate, everyone gets in a flurry about how to handle it. It's just easier to show the BC and be done with it -- and my son prefers it too. (He doesn't want the extra attention. Our adoption is by no means a secret, but it doesn't necessarily need to be shared with the guy who's confirming eligibility for youth hockey either.)

Perhaps in this day and age -- with so many "non traditional" family types -- we need a new form, separate from the BC, which can serve as proof of name/age for children and proof of which adult(s) are legally able to make decisions on the child's behalf. Then everyone would have the same thing...regardless of their family situation.

We should make the BC *only* what it says it is -- documentation of the birth. Right now, at least in the USA, it's much more than that.

yeahright

I wouldn't want an amended BC--I didn't birth the child so why should the BC have my name on it? I am somewhat baffled why the assumption is that AP's would want it that way. I, and most ap's I've talked to were startled to be told that we would receive a document saying that we did give birth. My belief is that it is something the legal system just finds more convenient--and the way a natural mothers identity is pulled from the records which in the past was considered the right thing to do from a majority of the industry.

allchildrenareangels

no I don't. I believe in complete and total honestly with your child. That is kind of like a fib.

Shannon

My hubby's amom wanted desperately to change my hubby's name at age 14 to the name of her deceased child. His birth certificate now reflects that name as well as her listed as his mother and some man he never met listed as his father. His name had already been changed 4 times prior to that, so I would guess that many people do want to change the names of the children who they adopt to whatever they want. I can not say all, but I am afraid that right now, you are in the minority. But, it is the right thing to do to keep their name as original as possible.

In the legality of changing your surname because of marriage, no you do not have to change your birth certificate to reflect that. In court ordered name changes, I do believe that those changes are submitted directly to vital statistics and the changes are made for you. Mind you, this is in the U.S.

maccrew6

Uh huh.. Just try to apply for a passport or travel out of the country with a child that has a different last name than you do. My husband (my kids step dad) and I wanted to take the kids to Niagra Falls and it was a nightmare! Can't get the kids passports without notarized stuff from bio dad and the courts , can't go on a cruise without a book of paperwork... In cases like ours, a name change woud have made things much easier.

Jennifer L

If the laws were such that an amended birth certificate wasn't necessary for citizenship and other legal things like that, I'd be fine with not having one.

I would rather that the birth certificates were amended in such a way that it was notated that we are the adoptive parents, without removing the names of the biological parents.

Nowadays, birth certificates have to be shown for about everything. Because my children are naturalized citizens, they also have to provide their Certificate of Citizenship right along with it. (It's notated on their amended birth certificates that the document doesn't constitute proof of citizenship in itself.)

sftballchmp

I understand where everyone is coming from. I am the mother of 4 adopted children. And raised my husbands nephew for 5 years. I think the only reason for changing the parents name on the BC is for the simple fact of getting things done. Enrolling them in schools. Doctors appointments. sports etc....... When we were raising out nephew. we had to get the mother to sign and noterize something that said we were able to do these things. That still didnt work half the time.

Angela B

I didn't even have a clue about the amend BC until it arrived in the mail. I was like what!!!??? It had my husband's and me as father and mother and no way by looking at he was adopted. I felt horribly sad at the momment in time. It made me sad that his birthfamily could just poof be gone. Then I was mad about how unfair it was. The first name we change because they never named him so the state named him baby boy K and for obvious reason change it. It made me wonder how many a parents never told there kids and hide it from there

Laurel J

Some a'parents want it that way because it makes them feel more secure--the original parents won't be able to find them. And of course there are always those who think their child's adoption is (somehow) their secret to keep safe from the public because it is still, apparently, (somehow) shameful.

Old thought patterns die hard.

Opedial

Not really, but I need something that the government will recognize. Maybe a birth/adoption certificate, all inclusive. Some say that is "labelling" the children as adopted, but isn't being adopted part of an adoptive person's personality? Are people ashamed of being adopted, or are parents keeping it secret?

But no, we dont' "want" it, but until they develop somethign else, we need papers to take our kids over state lines and to prove their age to play baseball. Seriously, to play baseball that is why we need it so surely a different kind of paper verifying their age with their new surname would be an idea....

cathrl69

If my kid was adopted I'd want an amended birth certificate. She's an ice skater and I have to send her birth certificate off with competition entries to prove her age. I wouldn't want every competition secretary at every rink going "oh look, an adopted one, wonder why that happened..." I doubt a first mum would want that for their child (or for themself) either.

But I'd want the original one too, for her.

Amie M

They allow you to change the kiddos names so if the child was in a home that was abusive then they cant fine them, I am glad I was able to change my name. I was adopted at 14 and was sooo glad i could. And you what i know i didnt give birth to my daughter but she is mine and my husband, I dont need everyone in the world know that she is adopted. that is HER right when she gets older to tell people. NOT some piece of paper to tell. And for the ones who say they should have to keep there orignal name, do you know how hard that would be to get them in a school, passport, or whatever else you need to get? Sorry but there is a reason why the BC are changed. Sorry if you dont agree with it but, like alot have said, its NOT up to a piece of paper to tell everyone that she is adopted, that is her choice. AND yes were are open with her bm and she will know. WE arent ASHAMED that we adopted her and I didnt have her.

Wundt

I am fine with changing the birth certificate. The reason being that as the parent of a child you often have to provide a birth certificate at schools and other institutions. While there could be an alternative document, it makes life much easier just to have that document with your (the AP's) name on it.

However, I don't think the original birth certificate should be sealed and discarded. I would certainly support an updated birth certificate that included ALL of the child's information; e.g. original name, bio parents, new name, adoptive parents, etc.

Note, we have copies of our sons' original birth certificates, along with their complete CPS case file, and plan to make them available to our sons when they are older.

Mommy of 2

As an AP I can tell you that I believe the laws (US) are set up to protect the child which isn't always in their best interest. When we had our two kiddos placed with us we had plenty of time to prepare as our placement lasted 18 months prior to finalizing and we openly talked about the whole name change.

Both kids wanted their first/middle/last names changed but ultimately decided to drop the middle names, keep their first and of course the surname had to change regardless. We left this entirely up to them because I didn't want to strip them of the only thing that had been constant in their lives - Their Identity!

As for my husband and myself, we were content with just being parents! I didn't care about name changes, amended b/c or even the adoption decree... the fact that a judge made us parents was enough, and I'd like to think that the majority of AP's feel this way.

The important thing is to ask yourself - what bring on the Amended Birth Certificate... AN ADOPTION! The addition to your family, the opportunity of a lifetime for people like myself who can not have children otherwise... not to mention giving kids a second chance at something they thought was lost. The paperwork is just a way of satisfying the lawmakers and giving them "proof" that they care when in fact, most file these amended b/c, adoption decrees, termination of parental rights etc. and go about their business like its no biggy.

I personally don't need a paper to tell me that I am a Mommy, I've nursed scraped knees, spent countless hours at the pediatricians office, emergency rooms, practiced spelling words with my daughter, taught my son (who everyone said couldn't) learn how to read, made hundreds of cupcakes for fundraisers, have tea parties, play the penguin for my little batman, read countless bedtime stories, given thousands of bedtime hugs/kisses.... these are the little things that make us mommies, not 13 hours of labor or a piece of paper signed by some guy I'll never see again.

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