Do All Grandmothers Love their Grandchildren?

maybe

My mother certainly did not love her own grandson. She forced the adoption because the shame of an unwed, pregnant daughter was more important to her than her own flesh and blood.

And this still goes on today, it was not limited to baby scoop era pregnancies.

Carnie C

my bgramma told my bmom she wouldn't help her and that she was on her own....but then again, gramma didn't really raise my bmom either.

HOWEVER, i do believe that she loves us and that she does have guilt.

LaraSue

Since I know that is directed at me Heather, and I am not going to justify my daughter's decision to you or anyone else. I DO love my grandchild, and she isn't with "strangers" and I see her and have contact with her.
And if I have any regret or guilt it really isn't any of your business.
ETA: My questions are directed to the same people all of yours are directed to, dearie. This forum. And mine are also to start a debate, just as all of yours are, you know, asking questions that you believe you already know the answers to. I just think there are other voices out there that deserve to be heard.
ETA: Adoptees aren't the only ones who deserve to be heard.

Lori A

Sorry, I disagree with the first two posters. Grand mothers back in the day had the most control over what their daughters WOULD do with their pregnancies.

should they feel guilty HELL YES do they probably not.

ezmee1859

I am a grandmother of 4 beautiful grandchildren. My daughter gave my youngest grandson up for Adoption at birth. My daughter was a drug abuser, and she was a horrible parent. She did not use drugs when she was pregnant, but she couldn't raise another child if she wanted to. I would have kept my grandson myself and raised him. And my Sister, who has no children would have also. But it was not up to us. I went with my daughter to California when she delivered, and it was the most painful, and hardest thing I have had to do in my life. I have no regret because I keep in contact with the adoptive family. The adoptive family are the ones who have made this transition easy for me. They are beautiful, wonderful people, and they are now a part of my family. At first my daughter did't want to be involved with them, because it was to painful. Now a year later, we are all one big happy family. I know it doesn't always end up this way, but when it does, it gives us all hope. God Bless you.

Crucio

Well my natural maternal â€œgrandmotherâ€ was a large reason I was placed for adoption. The woman just couldnâ€™t handle having a bi-racial grandchild. She was raising birth half sister so it was all about me being a mixie.

That said I think itâ€™s fine if a grandmother/father supports her daughter or son in their wish to place for adoption if thatâ€™s what they truly want. As has been said grandparents and any other family has no say on a baby being placed for adoption. So even if they were upset unless the bioparents were willing to allow the grandparet(s) to adopt they are just out of luck. Like this whole Casey Anthony case, her parents offered to adopt Caylee on several occasions but she did not want them to adopt her.

I also donâ€™t think a grandparent should feel guilt for supporting the decision of their child even if they donâ€™t like it. They might feel guilt and or regret if like in Heathers case thr grandmother tells that the child has passed away or even they pressured (urged) their child to place which was basically my case.

Rowan

unfortunately, when it come to a woman giving up her child for adoption, the grandmother has no say.No matter how much they love their grandchild, it's out of their hands.

grapesgum

Even though it does not seem logical, I would have to say that not all grandmothers love their grandchildren. Millions of grandchildren were spurned by their grandmothers during the baby scoop era. "Unwed" mothers were marched off to houses of shame to give birth in secret and had their babies forcibly taken from them. The mothers had absolutely no say in their decision - no one help them, no one would give them a job. The discrimination in their families' and by society was absolute.

I have heard that some had regret years later when they realized that they had irreparably damaged their daughters who struggled with depression, addiction, alcoholism, and chronic anxiety. Not pretty.

It still happens - pregnant teens are booted out of their homes still today.

Indian-vision

Do all mothers love their children ? Do all children love their mommies? yada yada yada.

Well i understand the point you are making. But not all grand mothers have the resources to tell their daughter to not take the adoption route as i will help you raise the baby. They might be too old , have serious health issues, not have the financial resources or too old to apply for a loan even. Lets not judge every grandmother.
Not every grand mother coerced her daughter to place her child or told her daughter that the child born to her was dead.

brandiS

It depends on a lot of different factors as to what the grandmother felt or feels. As you are currently not a infant think back to the time when you were born. If you go back far enough you will find the unwed mothers were slighted, misused, and abused at every turn, especially by there mothers. To tell a women her child was dead was a common practice. Why, because of self perceived family honor. What will others think of my family because of what my daughter has done. Think of the shame she will bring to "my" family and her siblings. Would they feel guilt or regret now, depends on how far in the past they are living, and what kind of point of view they hold. So if she was a b???? then, unless she was struck by lightning she probably is still one.

janine k

Well as a grandmother myself I would rather take any of my grandchildren in before letting their mothers give them up but as an adoptee and a relinquishing mother myself I know that even though my mother is not my natural mother she did rear me and it was her persuasion that made me give my daughter up.Whether it would have been different if I had been her natural child I can only guess.

Hi T

so far yes

Gershom

My grandmother "opted" to support my mothers decision. Wish she would have fought for me instead. She was the first to hold me, when I look at her now I wonder if she has guilt or regret. I'll never ask her. She should.

Sophie

No, not all grandmothers love their Grandchildren... especially if they hate their grandchild's father. It's sad. I think if they loved their daughter, they'd love their grandchild... and would feel guilt... but if there is no love there... there is probably no guilt.

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