Do Genealogists get Accused of Living in the Past?

Gaia Raain

Dude, if people think YOU'RE living in the past, you should come to my place on Samhain! (That's Halloween to muggles.) We have an ancestor altar and EVERYTHING! It's an ancestor smorgasbord! We, like, honor them and talk to them, and even invite them to dinner! We even---wait for it---we even set them a place at the dinner table!!! *GASP*

Yup, we're freaks. I mean, it's not like these people CREATED us or anything. Wait, what? They did? Oh. OOOOOOOH, I get it! THAT'S why we care!

F'in duh.

cruzgirlz3

No, they don't. I know so many people who have searched back generations or gone on "pilgrimages" to the places of their origin and it is never questioned.

This is such an interesting point, Heather. In fact, the first time I ever heard this comparison was from you on this site. As a new "searcher" it has really helped me explain to others why I am doing this. People assume that searching comes from discontent rather than a desire and curiosity for knowledge...just like genealogy, history, anthropology etc... Using this as an example really helps people "get it."

I do want to add that everyone I know has been greatly supportive. The only time I have EVER been accused by anyone of "living in the past" is from non-searching adoptees. Even the AP's I know have been really supportive. I find that interesting.

Not Adopted

This is a good way to explain that searching is perfectly natural.

Groovy

I don't think that they want to live in their past. I do not blame them for wanting to know where they came from and who their parents are or why the were given up. It's hard for a person to realize that a parent gave them up and possibly didn't want them. They are just looking for answers. Sometimes they want to know for medical reasons.

Romany

It's quite simple. What they really want to say when we ask "Why can't we have our records?" is "Because I said so."

No matter what reason we give for wanting our records - they're ready with a response telling us that we shouldn't even ask.

Genealogy? - You're living in the past.
Medical history? - It won't make a difference to your doctor.
Identity? - It will hurt your a-parents.
Personal history? - You'll be violating your b-parents' privacy.

Face it - if we want to know --> we're ungrateful and selfish and don't deserve it.

Besides, if I actually find out my 75 year old mother's REAL name, millions of innocent unborn children will be murdered. I wouldn't want that on MY conscience - would you?

Kelly M

what an interesting q?

my amother is really into geneology and no one ever gives her crap about it.

Independ"ant"

Nope of course not. Its actually encouraged to be a hobby.

This question perfectly points out who is really against adoptees searching for their history. Its the Aps, the agency and their lobbyists.
Adoption is a business and they are protecting their own self interests despite it not being in the best interest of the children.

Gaia: You should to go to the guatemalan highlands and visit the Mayans to experience one of their religious ceremonies. I think you would find it more than interesting.

Mei-Ling

There's one tiny flaw in your analogy.

Genealogists aren't necessarily adopted, and so do not receive the "you should be grateful because someone took care of you" chant through their childhood.

They search into genealogy because that's the career they have. It's not necessarily because they were adopted or were "saved" from a third-world country. It's because it's what they do, and therein lies the difference. Not all adoptees search, therefore the ones who do are seen as "betrayers" or "unappreciative", etc.

Romany: "Besides, if I actually find out my 75 year old mother's REAL name, millions of innocent unborn children will be murdered. I wouldn't want that on MY conscience - would you?"

LMAO. I want to use that on my blog sometime, now! You are too funny!

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

i love gaia too! yay!

i'm weird about it. i feel torn between doing research on both families.

one thing i can say for sure- the elementary school project of the family trr is nothing less than torment.

monkeykitty83

They do sometimes, Heather. My mom did a lot of work with genealogy a few years back, and several members of our family just really didn't get why she was doing it. She got asked a lot of times why she was bothering with that old stuff. My mom wasn't particularly upset by it, but it was said.

I'm trying to answer the question as asked. If it was meant to prove a point instead, sorry. Assuming it's a real question...

Not everyone really understands the appeal of genealogy-- I admit it's not my thing, either, but I can see why my mom is interested in it. Some people do find it really pointless, and the more time and effort you put into it, the more likely they are to surface and to be vocal about it (and family is more likely to bug you about it than strangers.) I don't think that the criticisms usually hit genealogists on the same emotional level that they hit adoptees, though, because it's generally more of a hobby/profession and less of a personal journey.

Annabelle

This is an interesting question. Im not sure who is doing the accusing in your example. I jus realized there was a divide between the searchers and the non searchers so I probably need to catch up! I will say that many AP's are supportive. I can't imagine anyone not thinking it is normal for a child/ adult to need to know as much as they can about their parents. And truthfully, AP's are really curious too.

RaffiTheMaster

its interesting about genealogy, but hard to recruit on the past of the ancestors

littleJaina

Actually, yes, genealogists get accused of that alot! What most genealogists do has no real purpose other than to satisfy curiosity, so alot of people find them rather odd.

I know that when my grandfather wanted to put heastones on some random graves some random person found when they surveyed some property that had belonged to his family decades before, almost all of us thought he was almost out of his mind! Don't get me started on when he decided we needed to hold a re-funeral for them...

The truth is, most people just don't care that much about their family histories. That's why family reunions (once they get past the point where people actually KNOW who they're going to see) are attended mostly by really old people. I think some Adoptees have a fixation on "where they came from" because they never knew as children. Most people, though, just don't care to really know anything more than their grandparents' names.

capricorn dancerâ™¥

Yes i have also experienced this ,ppl think we are unwanted and unplanned.
Truth is ppl who adopt actually CHOOSE us as opposed to natural blood/birth children.
Still looking,difficult even with the info i have.
I am thankful i was adopted,blessed with great "parents".
HAVING A BABY,.. A PARENT DOES NOT MAKE,
IT'S RAISING THAT BABY ,....THAT MAKES A PARENT.â™¥

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