Do You Believe Adopted Children Should Be Told They Are Adopted?

xlinzx88x

Of course! They should grow up knowing that their someone else's flesh + blood, to deny it would be denying a child of their very existence.

EmLa

YES of course. They should be told. As early in life as possible. Its too important to keep a secret and it will come out someday no matter what you do. The child has a right to know. There's no reason NOT to tell.

And the older the child is when told, the more they wil mistrust resent and adoptive parents for not telling them sooner. So tell early.

Serenity71

Yes, from the time they come into an adoptive home... of course they may not understand what your talking about for a few years but it enables you to practice the words and their story in part appropriate to their age. (At the moment I read books that talk about different families and not all are the same and its okay to be different. My kids are toddlers.)

It has been proven over and over that it causes mistrust and even more emotional issues for an adoptee if they aren't told the truth or grow up knowing why they look different from the rest of the family. Why in the world would a parent really think that a child (or an adult depending on when they learn the about their adoption,) would be 'okay' about being lied to about their biological history?

And when it comes down to it, everyone is entitled to know the truth about themselves and their beginnings.

Jennifer L

Yes, absolutely.

It should be done as young as possible.

Everyone deserves to know their own truths.

Penny P

yes, they should be told immediately. Even if the child is very young, and doesn't really fully understand, he or she should grow up knowing this information. Eventually they will understand what it means, but it should never be a "surprise" to a child to learn they were adopted.

SJM

Yes. They should be told from the very beginning. People who withhold such an essential truth are nothing more than common thieves, stealing a child's reality and replacing it with their own selfish fantasies.

Independ"ant"

Yes....it should be incorporated into their lives DAY 1.

Half truths, secrets and lies are emotionally damaging to children.

Nameless

Yes, ideally it should be something they just know was part of there life throughout there childhood, it should never be hidden.

Mei-Ling

Yes.

Age 2. Even though at that age most children do not fully understand what "adoption" means, they should always be told the truth and be aware of it as soon as they are learning to speak.

cantstopLinnyG

Yes. From day one. We always find out anyway. If my parents had kept that from me I would never speak to them again. Its child abuse, and make believe for the adoptive parents.

It makes no sense to me why people would even consider lying about this. We teach our children to be honest, yet some want to lie about the childs own identity.

I often wonder if parents who do this are ashamed of their infertility and or their adoptive child. Get over it. It happens, and it doesn't make them any less human because of it- it's a medical condition. People who want to do this should NEVER be permitted to parent another person's child.

Heather B

Yes. From the very beginning.

Are you adopted? are you sure

tish_part deux

yes...

from the beginning

Lea

Wow I guess there was no controversy on this question. I agree with all the prior posts that they should know they are adopted and that they should always know it. I could not imagine sitting my child down at any age and telling they are adopted. My little ones have always known even before they could understand what it means. I never wanted to shock them with it even at 6 or 12 or 21. I never want to deceive my children. No different then telling my older ones there birth story my little ones have a story to be told also. There life did not start the moment they entered our home it started the moment they where conceived.

Sophie

Yes, ofcourse.
As early as possible.

marqueen71

YES! And they should be told when they are quite young. A friend of mine found out when he was in high school that he was adopted and that all of his older cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. knew all along. His parents FINALLY told him he was adopted when he started dating a particular girl. His parents only told him he was adopted because the girl he was dating was his HALF-SISTER. He didn't know this since he didn't know he was adopted! He was very angry that he had not been told before.

sleepy

i think the sooner the better
i think when people wait till there older
it seems like it hurts more.
there's always that why did'nt you tell me
and i don't know i just think it's better to be honest from the very start
you know.

monkeykitty83

Children should be told that they're adopted, because it's THEIR past, and THEIR history. No one has the right to take that away. Family relationships based on lies ruin trust, rather than building trust.

I think children should know adoption is part of their story from the beginning. There shouldn't be a time a child dramatically "finds out" they're adopted-- it should be something that they're always aware of, to the extent they can comprehend it. There will probably still be a lot they'll struggle to process, but it'll be worse if it comes as a shock.

For someone who is still considering not telling your child, I would further add that adoptees almost always find out anyway. They'll find a document, or hit a snag when they apply for a passport, or a relative will let something slip... it's inevitable. Worst case scenario, they could even die from a medical issue based on an incorrect knowledge of their genetic background and family medical history.

It's better to be honest, even if the truth is hard, than to try to fix a relationship that has been damaged by deceit.

kateiskate

Yes!

As early as possible!

myst1998

Of course... not to tell them is lying to them.

From young so they always know, won't be as much of a shock later.

Harriet

Of course. As early as possible (in an age appropriate way), so it's something they always know and accept and doesn't come as a big shock when they're older.

Harriet

number318

yes and at a young age so they'll be use to it and know without it hitting them hard at a later time.

AdoreHim

Absolutely- and as early as possible. I am adopted and have 2 adopted children- and I was told even before I truly understood what adoption meant. We told our children early as well. My question back to anyone who asks this question is why wouldn't you tell children that they are adopted? Is it something to be ashamed of? What if you were adopted and were not told and found out later in life- that would be horrible. If that happened to me, I would think, there was something bad about being an adopted child. There are so many people that think that already - however you don't have to add to it by keeping it from them. I am so thankful that my parents told me early on- and I am very thankful that my birth mom loved me enough to give me life, and place me in a great family.

TerraMere

Yes, I believe children should be told they are adopted. It needs to be done in an age appropriate way. Honesty is important in all relationships. Everyone deserves the truth about who they are. To find out the truth had been hidden from them could feel like quite a betrayal.

Nice Girl from the corner house

Yes, I believe they should be told that they're from whatever country they may be from, at a very early age and gradually as they get older, tell them and by the time they're old enough to understand the whole thing, it won't be as big of a shock. It worked for people I know.

Ranchmom1

Absolutely. This should be a fact of life from the time they are born. Instead of a birth story, the adoptive parents tell the child how the child came to be part of their family. I can't tell you when my parents told me I was adopted, because I always knew. The first picture in my baby book is of them holding me at the adoption agency. This is something that should never ever be a secret. A friend of mine didn't find out she was adopted until she was 8 years old. It was very traumatic for her.

Philippa

Yes and right from the start as they have a right to know the truth. My son always knew as he was told at an early age. His adoptive parents also told him that if he wanted to search they would support him in his search.

I got to know someone online who found out on her 16th birthday during an argument with her dad and it devastated her. It took her a long time to forgive her adoptive parents for not telling her when she was younger.

Emily D

Of course! I grew up just knowing that I was adopted. It was never hidden from me. I think that's one of the reasons I'm so at peace with my adoption. Now, my parents didn't beat it over my head, but when I would ask a question about this or that, my mother would always give me as much information as she thought I could understand at that time.

Can't wait till Spring break

Yes early I am adopted and my mom waited until i was 13 and when I found out all about my real parents I was really curious and my mom won't tell me about them she said that I got taken away because my mom was abusing me at 4 months old and she was on drugs and had schizophrenia but I really would like to meet her

Wherever you go, there you are

Yes of course, everyone has a right to know where they came from. Personally I think a child should be told from the beginning, so its just something they have always known. How would you feel if at 20 years old you found out you had been adopted and had never been told?

bearded dragon lover

yes i do its important that kids no that they have real parents out there i mean not that the parents that raised them aren't real its just its better if they knew.wenever the parent thinks that the child is ready to know and the parent can also expat that there life's gonna change lot of questions they might not like

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