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Freckle Face
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Dear Emmie,
I give credit to anyone willing to adopt an older child thru foster care. My suggestion would be to wait until your newborn is older, so that your adopted child is your youngest. Adoption is different and you and your child will need extra one on one time to bond and connect. The child should be the absolute center and focus of attention of the family and especially you, imho.
Keep in mind that with adoption it is often suggested to adopt at least twice, so no one child is singled out in the family as the "only" adopted child. It is also suggested NOT to adopt out of birth order. Again leaning towards when your infant is older. I suggest you stick around here and learn how adoptees feel and also do some reading on your own. Best wishes. |
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CP
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Most agencies won't even discuss adoption with someone who has a newborn. They require a new child in the family be at least 1 year old before introducing another into the family.
Take that time to do alot of research on adoption, specifically adopting out of birth order since you would be adopting a child that is older than your youngest. |
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purple monkey dishwasher
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Really? Are you serious? You FEEL you need to complete your family?
Its obvious your just thinking about yourself and not the child whos life is going to change forever and never know their real family. What about the pain of the mother who gives the child away? Do you think she FEELS like she wants to? Your benefiting from the most painful thing that will ever happen to her. Her pain is your joy. Remember that.
If you want to save the world so you can feel good, why not help out a mother who wants to keep her baby, but needs assistance? |
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Independ"ant"
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I think you need to talk to someone about why you don't feel your family is "complete" already. Whats up with that. |
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anastasia beaverhausen-the real1
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please, adoption is not a "whim" thing to do. |
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Cool Hal
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You need to consider this very very carefully:-
1. Can you guarantee that every single member of your family will not differentiate between your bio children and your adopted child?
2. How do you think your adopted child feel knowing he is the only child that is adopted.?
3. What is the real reason for this - why would one more child make your family complete?
I really think you need to consider the reasons why and the effects this will have on your family.
Bizzarly the only people who think that this is great or wonderful have no knowledge of the adoption process or the effects that adoption on the children (who are supposed to be the most important people) |
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aloha.girl59
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What do I think? I think that you're asking strangers to make a major life decision for you.
You're clearly not ready. Be happy with the kids you have. |
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Venus! =']
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Think about this carefully. Do not do what my potensial adoptive parents did.
They gave me all this hope and then decided actually we dont want another kid - especcially not one with issues. And backed out. Thats hard on the kid.
Think about it before you do it, speak to your husband and your kids (it would be their sibling too not just your kid!)
If you decide you want to go for it :)
It would make a kids life, not just their day.
I wish you all the luck in the world
xoxo |
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milking zombie
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adopt. 5 kids two at college, you are doing something right. and i think its lovely that you dont mind what age you are willing to adopt. im sure you will give an unfortunate child a londerful home.
im only in the process of making my first but my hubby and I have always wanted to adopt after our 3rd was born (ages yet!).
the only thing i would suggest is wait til your youngest is 6months. that way you can be sure its the right choice and when you get interviewed they can clearly see you are coping well with a large fanily.
goodluck with whatever descision you make :) :) x |
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~.*31 weeks with B/G Twins!*.~
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Go for it if you're serious about giving a child a good home. looks like you've done well by your other children and you've got plenty of experience and room so go for it!
However, doesn't sound like you have much room as they normally ask for you to have a bedroom each for each child, but you can always enquire about these things.
With a newborn it may be hard to give the child the attention it will need and they will take all of this into account.
Plenty of unwanted/disadvantaged children out there who need a good home and family to look after and care for them. |
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Rainbow :)
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Well sure in my opinion but....
1. Take time to really think through it
2. How do the rest of your family feel?
3. Have you got the time and space? You said you have a newborn, maby wait a bit?
In my opinion Id love to adopt but just make sure your sure! :) |
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Kitty ..x
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Well think of your new born first maybe wait until it has grown up ... and then go for it !!! |
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C Wood
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Emmie,
On the surface that sounds wonderful, if you can afford it financially as well as emotionally.
BUT
You didn't say anything about your spouse! Does your husband wish to adopt? Does he feel you can afford to raise another child?
This is a joint venture and you've said nothing about your spouse, so I only recommend you go for an adoption IF your spouse is in full agreement.
cw |
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Yellow
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I think it really depends on your family's situation. First off, what does your husband/partner think of this - that is kind of important. Secondly, what kind of adoption are you interested in? There are private adoptions, open adoptions, adoptions through Public Children Services Agencies (children that have been in foster care and their biological parents' rights have been terminated) , international adoptions etc.
Adoption into a family can be a huge stressor on the family, also understanding the background of the child you are adopting (potential cultural and ethnic differences, and situation regarding where the child came from). Many older children may have a lot of behavior and emotional problems, some that may not exhibit themselves right away. This is something many families overlook, and feel if they just "love" a child enough it will save them, sadly this is not true. Adopted children need more one on one time to help them acclimate to a new family, and may have trouble bonding with family members or in general. Attachment disorders are very in high in children of adoption, but with the right support and services can be just fine.
I have been a social worker for many years, and have two adopted siblings myself. I have witnessed many happy adoptions, but have also had adopted children show back up after families have decided they "can't deal" with their "issues" anymore. It is so much more than just bringing home a cute kid and giving it a "home."
Adoption is an awesome way to bring a family together, just make sure it is the right way for you. Do the research and make an educated choice.
Check this website for some great information:
http://attachment.adoption.com/
:o)
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Randy B
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There is only one "rule" that applies in cases like yours:
Follow your heart.
(and good luck with the adoption) |
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jay
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Adoption should have a deep and sincere reason. When considering adoption you need to have major reasons and believes that you want to fullfill as a parent and for the child that will be adopted. Many children are waiting to be adopted and I believe there are not enough parents out there doing it. So for that reason, for you to adopt a child would be a blessing for the child. Chances are if you don´´t do it, that child will never get adopted. For this reason I would say yes, adopt, because that child needs it, and will be appreciated in your home and hopefully completely welcomed.
But your reasons aren´t strong reasons as to doing something that could be very hard for you considerong how many children you already have, and welcoming the child as he or she deserves, and giving that child the opportunity to feel special and unique.
You have many children of your own, just imagine sending your 3 year old to another home. He or she already has a routine with you, and imagine him getting used to another family with other rules, other love. That is how this adopted child will feel, and you need to make this child feel welcomed and good and with time, make him get used to you and your family. Easy? Not! Possible, yes! And God will bless you. But if you´re in it for the right reasons rather than for your own satisfaction, it will be even better.
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Blah.
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I personally think you should wait until your newborn is a bit older. Adopting a child is a sometimes long and stressful process and your baby needs a lot of attention right now. Plus, whenever you do meet the child you'd adopt you will need to be sure to give that child lots of love, attention, and caring for. That will be more difficult with a young infant in tow.
Other things to consider, though:
How does your husband feel about this? Does he want another child? Would he be okay with adoption, or would he prefer to have another of his "own" children?
Can you financially support another child? The adoption process itself can be expensive, let alone the costs you will incur in raising that child. If finances are tight, I wouldn't consider it right now until they're more under control.
How do your other children feel about this? I know ultimately it is your husband and your decision, but you should take into consideration how your children will feel. The younger ones might feel "replaced" or "not good enough", especially if you bring in a new child so soon after you have a newborn. Then again, they'll just need to accept it and as long as you give them all love and attention I doubt there would be any major problems.
Are you religious? If so, perhaps a counseling session with your minister would be helpful in making your decision. If not, maybe try calling a counselor at an adoption center and discussing your feelings with them. They'll have a better idea if adoption is right for you and will be able to give you an idea of what to expect in the process.
All in all, adoption is a wonderful thing and I commend you for considering it. Good luck in whatever decision you make :] |
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leila
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adopting is great. I have two adopted children, but....
adopting a child because you are having unmet needs is bringing a child into a family with a job. and no child should have a job. |
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firsttimemommy_1
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I am happy to hear that you want to adopt. There are so may children that need new homes. I would deffinately say talk with your family first and see if everyone is in agreement but if you all then feel that you can afford a new child then go for it!!
I want to adopt but my husband and myself decided to wait until our daughter was older like around 15 or 16 because everyone wants a baby but no one wants the older children who need help. Sure they may have problems well wouldn't you if you were left behind by your parents?? They need someone to want them too not just babies. I would love to adopt a baby but as I can have my own babies I want to help older children get a good foot going in life. I know they will have problems which is why we ant our daughter to be older so that she will be able to handle herself just in case the child is a problem child.
I am very excited for that time to come. So I say go for it!!! Good luck and GOD Bless you!! |
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Joel S
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Right now you have three, so I'd wait a little while. Until the eldest out of those three living w/ you are old enough to fend for themselves. Adoption is a great thing, it can be a life saver for a child who wants a place to call home, but right now, you have enough on your hands. |
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Minnie Mouse
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i think that three kids living with you is enough but if you feel as if u need another one to complete the family then i say go ahead |
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amanda g
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I think that if you want another baby adoption is a wonderful choice . |
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Danielle
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I've had two by c-section and I'm going to try to make my next one by adoption. Better for me and him/her!
Think of the best family an adopted child would have! So many brothers and sister and a mother and father that would give them the love and attention that they so well deserve. |
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star
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do it - that's wonderful! |
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Core
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If your family is on board with it, it's a great idea. There are so many children in foster care, and after 2 the chances of being adopted go way down, so it's great to see people that want older children. |
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xcakies666 is due on halloweenx
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i think that is a good idea!!
you already have a family and to adopt a child will be brilliant!!
good luck!! |
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Debbie
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I think if you feel that way than good for you! Make sure your husband is ok with it too. I definitely think you guys should adopt! I hope everything works out! Hope i helped :) |
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peachskittle
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i'm think it's a wonderful idea! there are soooo many children out there without anyone to love them. great idea!!! |
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BunnyBunBun
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Adoption is a wonderful idea as long as you can afford another child. Good luck to you and your family. |
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Schannon A
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wonderdul discuss it with your hubby though. So many kids need good homes |
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aluna j
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OMFG!!!! ADOPT ITS SOOOOO GREAT AND PLUS HOW MANY HOMELESS CHILDREN ARE OUT THERE SOOOOO I THINK IT IS A GREAT IDEA |
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