Do adoptees have better experiences being raised with or without aparent's children?

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

ugh. when i was growing up, my ap's had a real kid (bio) that was older than i. he said to me one time,

"you're just mad cuz your real mother didn't want you and you had to be adopted."

i still remember his voice, where i was standing, what i was wearing, which day of the week it was, (tuesday) and what time of day it was (5pm) because i lost my appetite for dinner.

i will NEVER forget it.

Zeena

I have two siblings that are birth children and they were like blood.Never made us feel any less.

anastasia beaverhausen, if any of my siblings tried to pull that crap I would have kicked their ***!

Mei-Ling

Not necessarily.

My brother was my adoptive parents' biological child and we always got along just like regular siblings. I never felt "less special" just because I was adopted - we were treated equally.

Rainia W

Of the adult adoptees I know (although I am not close to all the ones I am thinking of for this question), two were unhappy with many issues that they blame on the adoption or the adoptive parents. One of these people were raised with all bio siblings and felt completely like the odd one out. The other one just had abusive parents.

In my personal experience I was just raised with other adopted kids, so I can't really answer. The children I know who are being raised in mixed families seem to be treated the same as the bio children, but that could just be this day and age.

celtic.piskie

I agree...

My sister, love her to death, was their 'real' daughter, and 'miracle' baby.

She was wonderful, perfect, never did anything wrong and they were always so lucky to have conceived her etc etc....

Biological means better to some people, and i can understand why people feel that way, although i don't agree.

Different bonds are not always better or worse. Everyone has a different bond with all of their children, and people that think biological is better really shouldn't adopt.

â™¥â™¥Mum To Superkidsâ™¥â™¥

I obviously can't speak for adoptees, but as someone who has chosen to foster parent instead of having biological children, I'm conscious of how it would impact my non-biological children if I was to have a child naturally.
I genuinely believe that although I would feel no different, children are acutely aware of 'fitting in' with their families, and that sense of belonging could truly be disrupted by the arrival of biological children.

For me, having children through adoption/foster care isn't about 'building families' in some cute little way. It's a lifelong decision to bring a child into your life and the committment that goes along with it.

Sofiakat

We have chosen not to have biological children for the sake of my adopted son. I don't think he could handle it. We were planning on getting pregnant when both he and his sister were in school full time, but I now think that would just be selfish considering his needs and emotional state. He is five and he has Rads.

Just a Mom

This is why I loved adopting siblings. We didn't have our own and I do think that is good. We worry about ever adopting any children not in this sibling group because I don't want them to feel like the "original" children versus the "new" children.

Gaia Raain

I have no personal experience with this (although I have a lot of experience with being the "un-favorite", and I'd imagine it's the same premise but much, much more acute and deeply felt). However, I had occasion a few weeks ago to kind of imagine what it would feel like to be in that position. I listened to a mom talking about her own experience with motherhood. She stated that she has two adopted children (and I'm sure she's a very, very good mother to all her children, just FYI, in case anyone wanted to say I think she's a bad mom...I don't). Then, she spoke about giving birth, and her intense bond with her child in utero...and she just went on and on, gushing about her amazing, unexplainable bond with her baby.

And it suddenly hit me...what would it feel like to be her OTHER kids? To know (even if she never said anything) that she has that bond, the kind of bond that can only come from being one with your child as they grow inside you...she has that bond with someone else...but not you. It just hit me like a ton of bricks, and broke my heart.

I spent a couple days talking to friends (one who is an adoptee), and came to the conclusion that I will never, ever do that to my kids. I don't care if I'm fertile. I will not be having any babies from my body. I couldn't sleep at night. Even if they never felt that way, I couldn't take the chance. I simply refuse to build my family without considering the feelings of my future kids, and I refuse to take a chance on hurting them that way. It's not worth it.

Cool Hal

I have an older adopted brother, a younger adopted sister (neither of them are birth siblings) and one younger brother who is a bio son of my AP's.

To be honest I have never been treated different than my younger brother. I think that when the older kids left home he got spoilt a bit more but that happens often with the youngest kid as the parents have more cash available.

I have never had the conversation with my kid brother about me being adopted and him not as I dont think of him being different than my older brother.

I do have issues with the whole adoption process but my thought process just doesnt include him

I must be the exception to your rule.

Reading some of these I can understand why you think that.

And to those that give the thumbs down when someone is giving an experience (anastasia beaverhausen's question) that happened to them on a matter as sensitive as this is wrong on every single level and why?

Dreamweaver ILF posse 2009

I don't know because I can only speak from my own experience. I have 4 half brothers. They are my life! lol They are much older than me and the youngest lived with his mother as I was growing up so I was raised as an only child, mostly so I feel I had the best of both worlds. I was an aunt at 8! My brothers adore me and I, them. So...in MY experience, I can't see anything better.

Funny aside - at one time one of my brothers was living with us. I was 5 so he must have been about 20. Mom had just tucked me in bed when I called him in and sd, as serious as a 5 yr old can get.."did you know I'm adopted?" He didn't realize we'd had the talk yet so he sd "Really?" and I sd "Yep, isn't it neat? but don't worry...you're still my brother" as I patted his arm. He says he kissed me, went out to the den, told my parent's what I sd and cried. lol...so sweet

Crucio

I think this really depends greatly on how the parent(s) treat the children. If all children whether they are adopted or natural are not treated different then I think it will be fine. Its also important to note that every relationship a person has is different compared to another relationship.

mscrawdad

I have 2 children that are adopted, 2 that are not, 1 stepchild, 1 nephew in the process of being adopted. They never differentiate between who is who is this mish mash of six siblings that I can tell. My husband and I have always used that old adage - "We have some adopted children, but we can never remember which ones they are." When they were all very young, my 5 yr old son heard me say that to a friend and ran up to her and said, "It's the girls. That's how people get girls in their family. They go pick them out from a big house way out in the country." You see, his best friend's parents had just been placed with a 2 yr old girl and they had 3 boys. So, he and his 7 yr old brother just assumed that's how all little boys got sisters. You just go pick one or two out and bring them home. So the word adoption meant something different to them. It had nothing to do with bringing strangers into their home, but just the natural way to get sisters. lol. So from the minute they set eyes on them they were the proud big brothers.

So, my thoughts on that are that our experience was different than yours. My husband and I decided early on that love makes a family, not blood. After all, you aren't blood related to your husband (hopefully) and you love him unconditionally and he is your family. And I personally find children a whole lot easier to love than my beloved "makes me crazy enough to kill him sometimes" husband.

mellishw

I know a couple that have adopted children. Open adoption these days help the biological parent choose the right family. My husband is an attorney and has helped in adoption cases to keep the bio parent from changing their minds after a few years. Some parents are unfit and just because a person goes to drug or alcohol treatment doesn't mean they can claim them like property. My friend has 5 adopted children and she is a great mom. She is a stay at home mom and the children are happy. She is a good woman and can't have children of her own, but these kids give her and husband a family. Last summer they invited us to a barbeque and they are great kids and happy. All were removed from abusive homes. The Caylee case went to court today and people know that the mom wanted to party. She could have worked out an adoption through the Church.

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