Do two aparents do a better job than one natural parent?

Heather B

Only 16 percent of adopted kids grow up in two parent homes compared to 24 percent of national average.

People promise a natural mother her child will have a two parent family and therefore they are better than her (single) then go ahead and get divorced anyway. It's BS.

Lovely

F***k the NCFA.
Im never giving up my child just because her father decided he didnt want to be married anymore.
They would have to pry her from my dead cold hands.

Krystal A. and baby D.

I think if your a single mother you can do it.You shouldn't have to adopt your child out just because you are a single parent.My mom was with 4 kids for 16 years!She has done a wonderful job!

IDK!!

I can't say I agree with the NCFA.

I know lots of single mothers with amazing family support.

I was raised by a single mother, the BEING SINGLE part was't what hurt me as a child, it was everything else.

I could be a single mother in an instant. Life is short and you just never know when it's your or our partner's time to go. That wouldn't automatically make me a bad mother

C Wood

I think the NCFA is all wet.

I do agree it's a lot more work to do a good job without a spouse, but that is not a reason to tell a woman she "should" give her children up for adoption.
cw

jennfrdd13086

maybe..but id never give up my son due to me being a single mama...i love him way to much to loose him...and we cant help it that we are the single parents its the guys fault for making it that way and not giving a rats *** about their own children!so no...fuk the NCFA whatever they have to say....we can do it on our own being single...there are tough times yes but we all get through them tough times...and the fathers are the ones that make us single remember that!!

Freckle Face

Hi Gershom,

LOL, I'm with Rose here.

eff the NCFA!

There are way too many variables to make such huge assumptions and generalizations.

What if the child has two horrible aparents instead of one amazing natural parent? You could make a list a mile long of all the different scenarios that could be played out here. So in the end, i'm back to eff the NCFA for making such a huge generalization. What a joke.

Sly

No one is frozen in time. Just because a woman is single right now doesn't mean she will not marry. And, children before marriage is no longer an impediment to that. I was married within a year of losing my son, and he would have been a welcome addition to my marriageability.

A married couple can divorce. A stress factor like infertility is an added risk for divorce. So, a couple that is married when they adopt can be divorced immediately. I have seen many statistics that suggest that adopters have a higher rate of divorce than the norm, so this married argument doesn't hold.

Then there are the myriad adopting who are single which sort of shoots the entire single mother argument right in the foot, doesn't it, and takes the argument right straight back to where it belongs....who has the money?

Not Adopted

No, two adoptive parents are not automatically better than one natural parent (which is often a single mother).

Many children are raised by single mothers, and they grow up to become smart, talented, compassionate adults.

Those who promote adoption into a two parent adoptive household as the solution for single motherhood are biased. They are usually making negative assumptions about the mother based on their personal or religious beliefs. And some of them are using adoption as a way to make money (as in the NCFA agencies who charge many thousands of dollars for adoption services).

tish

-this dogma only works for those stuck in the 50s, have their head stuck in a bible, or their hand stuck in the pile of money funding adoption. -funny, iwas a single mother prior to my marriage in 2000 and had more education than 80% of america(most do not have college degrees). -my son was an honor student and hasn't ever been in trouble. -in other words, there are no absolutes. -also I think it's pretty damn tacky for older adults to compare themselves to a young scared pregnant woman. -of COURSE an adult will be better off; but that dosn't make them a better parent.

-i wholeheartedly believe that iwas a much better parent then the married doctor's wife who only wanted my son to try and cure her infertility.

Sharon M

The question is ridiculous because it doesn't take into account the many variables. Are the two adoptive parents in a stable relationship and able to take on the responsibilities of parenting? Is the single mother unstable mentally or financially?

Or, is the single mother level headed with a good job and a great support system? Are the adoptive parents teetering on divorce? So many scenarios. No one should consider any situation except individually.

Jennifer L

Sometimes. Depends on the individuals involved.

But I don't see being a single parent as automatically being a bad parent, either. I'm sure being a single parent is extremely difficult, but not impossible.

Molly D

I think as long as you have good people to raise kids it doesn't matter if they are one natural parent (like myself) or two adoptive parents.

I have two children and I think am doing a good Job at it, my daughter is the first kid in her kindergarten that is reading, and is well mannered child.

Lori A

according to some yes.

But what bothers me is if something happens to the two parents and they become one parent are they in the same category that the single parent was in in the beginning? If so then what? Should they consider surrendering the child?

monkeykitty83

The question as asked depends entirely on the individual parents.

I don't think that single motherhood alone is a reason a woman should relinquish. It's challenging to be a single parent, but it's certainly doable. If a mother is otherwise willing and able to parent, she should do so, even as a single mother.

I guess what it comes down to for me is that it shouldn't be ASSUMED that a two parent household is better. Children can be raised with love and proper care by a single parent just as well as they can by two.

Zeena

I know single parents and I know couple parents.

Both have positive and negative aspects and I think it really depends on the parent(s) instead of whether they are a couple or a single.

Another voice

Statistically.. children with a good father-figure have a MUCH better chance in many areas.. You can't argue with statistics.. they've been doing those studies for years.

Does that mean that the prospect of single parenthood is a reason to relinquish a child for adoption... No... absolutely not. Certainly women should not be told or pressured that their child is better off with someone else, because thta someone else has a husband. If a woman truly feels (without being pressured or brainwashed into thinking so) that she wants two parents for her child, and choses to relinquish for adoption based on that, then okay.. but she should never be told by others that she needs to. Especially because she may not always be single.. and the adoptive parents may not always be together...

Her'es the deal... Two-parents is the IDEALl.. But it's not always an option. And do we need the BEST to have a GOOD life.. even a GREAT one... No, certainly not.

It's the same with adoption... being raised by loving biological parents is the BEST... but sometimes the BEST isn't an option, and isn't necessary for a good life and a well-adjusted and sucessful individual.

Sophie

I believe that if the natural parent(s) cannot parent their children, any willing, loving, dedicated person or persons who want to parent a child is better... whether is is a single person or a couple.

Being single should NOT be a reason to place a child into adoption unless the mother DOES NOT WANT TO PARENT THE CHILD. Those are two different issues.

Carnie C

natural or adopted, my answer is yes.

BECAUSE when you are both mom and dad and you are carrying every frustration on your own with no one to share it with, it can take its toll. it's not necessarily that two people are better parents to the child but rather, they are better partners to each other thus allowing each to be a better parent to the child.

jeez, i don't know if i can properly explain this. being a single parent, you have everything on your shoulders; being one of two, you have someone to share the responsibilities with. When you need 'that break' (which we all do), you can go to lunch with friends (baby free) while your partner stays home with the baby. It allows you to get out and be a person for a short while -- refresh yourself to be better.

but when you're the only one getting up in the middle of the night, day in and day out; you're the only one bringing home a (meager) paycheck; you're the only one to be mom and dad; you're the only one to handle everything . . .it can take its toll sometimes.

but when you have someone to share the ups and downs wtih, it helps you as a person. and when you feel better, you can be a better parent.

i really hope i got my point across...i suppose if we were talking in person, i'd be waving my hands because that magically helps me get my point across lol

but i'm not saying that it means all single parents shoudl automatically give their kids up to two parents..

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

It would have to depend upon the natural parent just as it would have to depend upon the two adoptive parents.

Quality not quantity should be the focus.

kristysearching

"The NCFA believes that single mothers should consider adoption based soley on the fact that she's a single mother. In their opinion two ( stranger ) adoptive parents would do a better job at parenting than one single natural parent to the child."

Hmmmm reminds me of some of the same crap that was used to screw with my mind until they made sure they had my child.

Yep the NCFA will say whatever it takes to keep the money rolling in for the baby brokers, oops I mean agencies...

~CeCe~

no! it depends on the morals of the people/person. wat if two of them are drug additcs and the one mom is a happy go lucky supporting person? you have to take each situation into account..
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhhMQS6fUfCGgagREwkW1Gvsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080930203939AArqHjf

Dana C

It all depends on the parents.

sizesmith

I have seen my son's first mother's other children, both older, and younger.

I know that I'm a better parent than she is, and I'm strictly talking about emotionally, and hands on physically. Financially, I'm much better off, but it has nothing to do with the fact that her older child has no self confidence, he acts afraid of everything, he panics if he sees a police car (he's never been in DHS custody), and his grades aren't good in school, because he's a stressed child. It's also a fact that he's been stressed for 6 years before our son was born. Our son's younger sister suffers from stomach problems from stress. Out of her three children, the son I am raising is the healthiest, the happiest, the most expressive, and the most confident, even at a year old, and I know it's parenting, not the financial or the one or two factor. As a matter of fact, she's around her children's father 99% of the time, and I'm legally a single adoptive parent, although my fiance is the world's best father in my opinion, and always will be for this child, even when he's on the road working. When their first mom stayed with me a few months ago, it was then that our son became temporarily stressed, and ironically, his problems ended when she left.

yoohoo

2 is BETTER... coming from a single mom. One person simply is not able to give as much as 2, and with 2 you have 2 minds, 2 ways of thinking, 2 to share the burden & the joys.

Doesn't matter how smart, fit, dedicated & devoted she/he is. It's just not possible to give as much as 2.

Marie S

That all the depends on who it is. Some adoptive parents do a better job than single natural parents and vice verse

Crucio

I think it just depends there are some excellent single parents both single mother and single fathers. There are some not so excellent single parents. However it goes the other way excellent two parent homes, and not so excellent two parent homes. No one should have to place their child for adoption simple because they are a single parent. Families come in all kinds some people have 2 momâ€™s or dadâ€™s some people are being raised by a grandparent or Aunt/Uncle etc.

Plus you just never know when you might become a single parent. I volunteer with a woman who lost her husband this past May to a heart attack. They had two children under 13 years old. So she has now gone from being a two parent home to being a single mother. Of course she could one day remarry and then have a 2 parent home again.

Certainly there are benefits of having a 2 parent home assuming that you and your spouse/partner share responsibilities. My brother is married but he pretty much does everything for the kids so in some ways he is a single dad even though he is married. He is the one to always get them up for school, while my SIL sleeps in. He is the one that makes dinner the majority of the time, while my SIL is doing other things.

Bubby

I believe two parents would generally do a better job than one. People that adopt have made a decision to raise that child as their own. Not that a single mother cannot do a good job, many do.

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