Do you agree that, ALL other things being EQUAL, a child is best off staying with his/her biological mother?

Possum

YES.

kateiskate

In most cases I do. In cases of abuse, neglect, etc I don't think they should be with someone who is causing them harm.

At least if you grow up poor or with a single mom you know where you came from.

LovesFlowers

ALL other things being equal? The love a mother experiences throughout the pregnancy and then through birthing her child is unlike ANY other love. All other things being equal, that love is the ONE factor which points to the child being better of with the biological mother. ALL other things being equal a biological mother would not give the child up.

Nameless

If everything else is the same then it seems utterly foolish to break the bond between mother and child.

IDK!!

Yep...... I think even if an adoptive home offers "more", the biological home is probably still the best place unless there is abuse, addiction, neglect, or something that will put the child in danger of poor mental or physical health.

ETA- you DID say all other things equal, right? maybe people missed that part.

Lillie

Absolutely.

Rowan

Well, as you said, if poverty, abuse, neglect, drug use, mental health, were all not an issue then yes, it would be best. Provided the mother wants to keep her child.

If the woman is against parenting her child, does not want it whatsoever, then no, the child should not be raised in an enviroment where he/she was never wanted, and still isnt. As i've said, i know a couple people that do not, ever, want children. But, as i'm sure others will say, once they hold their child, they may change their minds.

icehockeymom7

Oh yes, I completely agree that with all things being equal, it is best for a child to be with his/her biological parents. AND in their home country. My daughter is from China, and as sad as I feel to say it, I do feel it would have been ideal for her to have been able to be adopted domestically in China and been raised in her home country. The problem is there was about zero chance of that happening, especially since she was not an infant when we adopted her. It is never ideal for a child to have to be separated from their birthmother.

Randy B

Well, the question is really moot because if all things were equal among families there would either be no need for adoption in the first place or, on the opposite side of equal, everyone born to a family would be adopted. If all things were equal then all parents would be perfect or they would all be troubled.

I don't really see what you are getting at with this question.

kitta

yes, the natural bonds between mother and child, and natural family and child, are unique.

myst1998

Yes, most definitely if you remove all those things AND granted they are loved and wanted. There would be no need for adoption or foster care if these things were eradicated and children were well cared for and loved.

Adoption was only ever meant to be a very last resort...not first choice as it seems to be here according to some people (and no I am not meaning adoptive parents as there are many here I respect... I am talking about those who promote adoption to the enth degree... not caring that children need to be separated from a mother in order for said adoption to take place).

Good luck in trying to get these people to see without their blinders Phil.... there are those who will promote adoption just to be antagonistic. We live in a very sad world.

Erin L

Yes.

Sly

Yes, all things being equal, absolule!y. Even if they are not equal, I still believe that God makes better matches than people whose livings depend on it. Not as much bias, don't you know!

HouseMom-
I hate it equally or more when I read the stories in the papers of the adoptees who have been murdered at the hands of their forever families. And, I believe that I can match you story for story. Children abused are horror stories no matter who does it.

JoHn S.

I don't think that ALL things have to be equal. I don't think the bio parents need more money, education or toys to be the best choice. In my opinion, what they shouldn't be lacking in (to be the best choice), is the love and desire to parent the child. If that is lacking, then I think the best choice is adoption into a family that can provide more of it.

SJM

Yes.

Unfortunately, it looks as if a few people are unable to wrap their heads around the simple senario in this easy to understand question. They cannot separate adoption from abuse, poverty, neglect, and drug use. In their perfect hypothetical world, coercion is never a factor, and if a mother relinquishes, it was always for one of those reasons. It could never be just the simple fact that a 'professional' adoption counselor convinced her she needed a master's degree, a home with 2 1/2 baths, and an SUV to be a good mother.

MamaKate

Dear Phil,

You probably already know where I stand on this but:

I think that were all things equal, it would be harmful to do separate a child from his or her original parents.

I also think that in many case where things are not equal, it is preferable for a child to remain with his or her original parents.

I think that the only reasons cases where separating a child from his or her original family is possibly more beneficial than staying with them are cases where the child's emotional and/or physical health and/or safety are at risk if there were to remain in the care of their original families. (I am including abuse, severe neglect, severe emotional damage, etc. in my definition of "at risk".)

I am "willing to acknowledge that adoption is less than optimal" in most cases and that "the best situation FOR A CHILD is to stay with his or her parents" whenever it is possible. (It is what nature intended.)

Opedial

It is hard to imagine that all things can be equal. I think you are talking about Utopia.

But given all the necessary reasons chidlren have to be separated from their parents, then yes children are better off staying with their biological parents. While I am a great parent, I don't think someone else's child is better off with me just because I may have money and a stable home. I believe, if at all possible, that they should stay iwth their biological family. This is a given. Where I do come in is where the parent cannot or "choose" not to parent. Then I do believe they are better off with a parent who wants them and will help them nurture and grow.

But all things are not equal. And until there are more programs and people to help people choose to keep their children, adoptions will occur. If we used all that money that adoption agencies make and put that to social programming, then we have a better situation.

Tami L

Being a mother myself I would say yes. But being honest NO. I know a couple of kids that would be better off with their fathers. But most likely unless you can prove the mom unfit she gets the kid in most cases.

Proud

No, I don't agree that staying with his/her biological mother is the best thing for the child. I think the absolute best thing for a child is to have two parents that are both equally involved and both equally love and care for the child. I think THAT is the absolute best.

I've never understood why everyone automatically thinks its best for a child to stay with their mother. I know many, many, many fathers who are wonderful men, wonderful role models and has just as much of a parenting instinct as the mother. It baffles me why, when the mother and father split up, the mother generally gets primary custody when the father could do just as good of a job. Hence the reason I think BOTH is better than just one in situations like those.

*You didn't give an exact scenario, so that's my opinion based off what I got from the question. Perhaps I didn't understand it the way that others understood it.

**Oops, just realized this was posted in the adoption section. That makes more sense now. Sorry. In regards to adoption, I still don't think its best for a child to stay with their biological mother. I mean, if adoption is being considered in the first place, then that means that the mother for one reason or another feels like she can't provide the best environment possible for the child. If the mother can't provide everything that child NEEDS, then its best in the long run for him/her to go to a family that can. Again, that's just my personal opinion on the matter.

School Nurse

Rarely do hypothetical situations apply to real life.
Even if people answer "YES" to your question, are you proving anything? Are we really acknowledging a fact or fantasy?

I think that's one of the reasons why there is so much disagreement on this forum. People want to pretend or WISH that we live in a PERFECT WORLD, but we don't. Things that apply to a perfect world DON"T apply to REAL LIFE.

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

better than being adopted, yes

Better than being with BOTH biological parents.. no

Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world.. the BEST isn't always possible.. It's BEST for a child to be raised by his biological mother AND father who love and care for him. But that's not always possible. Sometimes we have to make the beset we can out of "less than ideal."

Adoption is in that category. maybe not the IDEAL for a child, but many times, the Ideal just doesn't happen.

LaraSue

Can we move past the simplistic view that adoption is nothing but bad? It goes both ways.
Not all women place for the reasons you stated.
Do I think a child is best staying with his/her mother......yes, usually, but not always. That is a pretty simplistic view in my opinion.

HouseMom

What exactly does 'all other things being equal' mean? Like what?

No. If the biological mother has problems like mental health issues that can put her and the child in jeopardy, substance abuse issues, or any kind of past abuse of her child, obviously she is not the best choice of parent for that kid to live with.

I am sickened every time I hear of another death at the hand of parent who has had custody restored to them after the child's been taken away.

judy

No.

Anpadh

No. It is best for a child to live with his/her biological father.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: