Do you believe you have the right to adopt, assuming you are qualified to do so?

wholelottacats

No one has the "right" to a child just because they've completed a home study. I don't feel that I am "due" a baby because I have passed the test. It's not like a fishing license, where you pay the fee and that gives you the legal right to go catch fish.

My approach to adoption, my thoughts as a PAP, are more along the lines of wanting to be a gift to a child. I don't think my husband and I are all that special. We're happy, our marriage is pretty strong, we're comfortable (certainly nowhere near rich), we have been blessed with a great family and amazing friends. We are infertile. But I don't think anybody owes us anything. We want to be parents, to share what we have with a child and to give them everything that we are - and I don't mean material things. I also don't think we are more qualified or deserving than their natural parents.

I do think that having gone through the homestudy process, we'll be better parents than we would have been otherwise. We've had to take good, long, hard looks at our lives and our desire to be parents. We've had long hours of conversations about what will be required of us to be adoptive parents. It has brought us closer together and strengthened us. (Our agency has a pretty stringent homestudy process - no 20 minute interviews for us!) But, again, none of these things means that we deserve to be parents or that anyone owes us anything. Because of the choices we are making in regards to our adoption, our wait will probably be longer. We are requesting a fully open adoption. (As an aside, I don't get the idea that most PAPs have - where you are asking to raise someone's child, but don't feel as though they have the right to know your last name). We also chose our agency carefully, wanting to find someone who is invested in the interests of the child and the mother first - more than 40% of the pregnant mothers they work with choose to parent after receiving the counseling and access to resources. And they put us in contact with mothers who had chosen adoption and those that had chosen to parent. That tells me they are (we believe) doing something right.

But it's not about the quickest means to having a child, and it's not about us feeling entitled to be parents. It's about offering the best we possibly can to a child.

Heather Leigh

I don't think it is a right. I see it as a privilege to be an adoptive mother to my son.

sapphirarainxx

I believe if there are children who have birth parents who can not or (in come cases) will not take care of them or who have passed away, and if I am qualified and willing to love a child and raise them in a healthy and happy home, then I should try my best to do so.

I don't buy into this feeling that adoptive parents are stealing children to have them and raise them for their own satisfaction and self gratification.
The fact of the matter is that there are thousands of children who NEED and who want homes. Without adoptive parents there would be so many parentless children.
Without parents who are selfless enough to realise that they can not raise their child. The world would be a much darker place. There are thousands of loving families who want to give these children homes. So why is this a problem?
I have a daughter who I gave birth to, and she is wonderful. I have decided that when I choose to add another child to my family it will be through adoption.
I have no problems with my fertility. There is no reason I will not be able to birth another child. I just choose to believe that there is a child in the world somewhere who is destined to be a part of my life, and I intend to find him or her.

Adoption is not a right, it is a wonderful privilege

Freckle Face

I never thought of adoption as a right. Everytime we filed for adoption I prepared myself that it might not happen. It is a honor and a privledge to be an adoptive mom.

opedial

All parenting is a priviledge. Do I assume I should be able to adopt, well yes, at least until the world changes and there are children who do not need homes.

grapesgum

Anyone has the right to pursue an ethical adoption. No one has the right to obtain a child "at all costs" in a manner that violates the rights of others. No one has the right to deny an adoptee knowledge of his/her heritage and, if safe, a relationship with his/her first family. No one has the right to manipulate a family into giving their child away via economic or social coercion. No one has the right to "counsel" parents into relinquishing their children without fully informing them of their right and parenting options.

As adoption stands in the US at this time, there is abundant violation of the human rights of first families and adoptees. I think that this is a result of adoptive families and adoption workers pushing the "right to adopt". They conveniently leave off the right to adopt "ethically" part.

Laurel J

I suspect that I could get through the home study and so forth, but does that give me a right to someone else's baby or child? Nope.

There is no right to reproduce. There is certainly no right to adopt.

BPD Wife

Do I have the "right" to adopt if I am qualified? Yes.

Do I have the "right" to a child? No.

Maybe this will explain my position better: If there is a child who needs a home and I am qualified to adopt, then our family should be considered for adoption of this child. However, that doesn't mean that a) the child absolutely should come to us or b) that we are best choice for that particular child. Each case is different.

Sophie

I believe if you are qualified in every aspect then you've earned the honor of being a PAP and an adoptive parent.

You really need to define what you mean by "right".

Gaia Raain

I had to think about this for a few minutes before I answered because I truly do feel that we will become the parents of at least one child BECAUSE we are qualified. But to me, that does not translate into a right. We weren't the ones who decided that we were qualified, so we didn't have the "right" to become qualified to adopt. And we aren't the ones who decide which child(ren) will be placed with us and when, so we don't have the "right" to have the children placed, either. I don't really think of it this way anyway. I think children who need a home have the "right" to be placed with the best possible family - which to their caseworkers means a family who can take care of their needs, regardless of what those needs are, including mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, intellectual, etc. It saddens me that adoptees have so few rights - THEY (you) are what this whole adoption thing is all about! Why are their needs cast aside in favor of the adults? (Matter of fact, why would ANY child's needs take a back seat to the needs of adults?) Children grow up, and when they do, they have to deal with the consequences of the actions of their parents.

Naomi

yes.

if somebody can't get pregnant, and is qualified to adopt, why not?

I would never give my children (when i get them later on in life) away because I don't know what's going to happen to them

but if their in good hands. Why not adopt

one of a kind

well what are the qualifications for that right to adopt to adopt someone kid you must know what reason the kid is in that care first so if you don't know then ask questions of why the kid is living like that and not with the natural birth mother

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