Do you ever feel like APs here, who are most likely peers (or younger) treat you like a child?

MamaKate

Dear Sunny,

I have noticed that there is a lot of "talking down" all over YA but I think it might have something to do with the way the avatars look - everyone looks like they're 15. LOL!

There are some posters (not exclusively APs - especially if our dearest ones are truthful about their "triad" positions.) who tend to be more patronizing than others but I think there are also many various reasons as to why they are like that.

Some might be like that IRL.
Some might do it on-line because they CAN'T do it IRL.
Some might do it because they need to make themselves "feel better".
Some might do it to feel "superior" or "in-control" or "dominant".
Some might do it because they think it makes them sound more authoritative and knowledgeable.
Some might do to "put someone in their place" or because they are feeling offended or threatened.

There are a million reasons why people could be that way and we could have tons of fun playing "armchair psychiatrist" but why bother - it won't change them. People only change when they are ready.

Don't let it bother you - emotional maturity and proper etiquette aren't dictated by a person's physical age and some people just never "get it".

Robin

Well, since many AP's or PAP's refer to adoptee's as "children"; or seem to think we shouldn't have the same rights that other adults to our very own records; or that by asking for those records, we're ungrateful, anti-adoption, & hate our a.parents...

Yes sometimes it feels like we are still treated like children. I've even been accused of being ignorant or uneducated (when asking a question). Which is funny to me. I found my 1st mom in 1983. Probably when many of today's AP's or PAP's were young kids.

Oh well...guess I'll be a child forever.

As a grandmother myself, I'd still need my a.mom's written permission to get a copy of my OBC.

kateiskate

It might be easy for them to psychologically think of you as a child since when they are relating to adoption and thinking about adoptees, they are probably thinking about their children, who may or may not be young children. More than likely most of the people here are at least a little older than me (I'll be 22 in July) but that doesn't give them a right to treat me as if I'm a child or discount my views any more than I can dismiss what they have to say and call them senile.

I also agree with Mama Kate....a lot of them are probably like that IRL.

Opedial

I hope I don't. I am not sure how old you are, but i think you are my mother's age. (based on how many years you have been in reunion)

I do talk down to stupid people though, no matter where they come from!

BLW_KAM

You raise an interesting question worthy of some pondering.

I find myself shaking my head at the lack of simple common courtesy frequently shown here. I can see where I may sometimes sound like a parent reminding a child to "Mind your manners."

No matter what age we are, no matter where we stand on the issues, I firmly believe we should converse like rational adults.

PS Sunny, I'm 47.

kristysearching

Adoptive Parent

Daisey Duck

No not at all. They are talking about children not to children. There is a difference. I see many adoptees talking to aps like they are stupid idiots. Which in turn is probably why they treat some like children. If your gona act like a child your gona be treated like a child reagardless of your age.

Roberta P

It could be because adoption occurs with children so when they talk about adoption it is about children not adults.

Maybe some people here act like children so they are treated like children.

Nora

what is an AP?

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