Do you ever think that your BIRTH MOTHER DOESN'T WANT TO SEE YOU?

Heather B

People tried to tell me that. But they were wrong.

The only person who can tell you that is the mother herself. Adults can speak for themselves and conduct their own adult relationships - even adoptees and their mothers (gasp!)

Way to go perpetuating the myth that adoptees are dangerous people capable of causing harm to others - blech.

Freckle Face

How can your own child disrupt your life? Unless your current life is based on lies.

IDK, i guess i don't get it. Could you explain it better so i could understand? Thanks.

PhilM

No one knows until they try.

When someone gives birth, they have responsibilities, moral responsibilities, that attach to that choice.

No parent has the right to be anonymous to their own children.

No adult has the RIGHT to a relationship with another adult, even their own parents. But every human being has the RIGHT to know where they come from.

ETA: BTW, over 90% of first mothers do want contact.

Phoenix

Um, no, cos my bio mom got in contact with me, so it was her decision.

In other cases, maybe the adoptee's presence will disrupt her family and life, but her family is also the adoptee's family who they have the right to get to know whether she's happy about it or not.

She had the child, she gave the child up for adoption. The child had no choice, but in many cases, they do get to choose whether they want a reunion or not and that is their right. Obviously they can't force it on the bio mom, but they still have a right to try.

Plus most bio moms want to get in contact.

Lillie

Oh, birth mommies are big girls now, all growed up and stuff. If they feel that way, I think they can handle saying so without too much difficulty.

Why this urgency to "protect" them....? Do you really think they are that frail and helpless? What an insult.

Really.

ETA: Ooooooooohhhh...wait....is this supposed to be, like, some sort of an insult to adoptees?

lol

that was clever of you, hmm, yeah, I am like majorly smarting over here.

rotflmao

Ghost Writer Rides Again

Only the coldest of mothers can give birth and give their children away like unwanted puppies. But again, it all amounts to free association. Your question is the polar opposite of others views about how first parents shouldn't "disrupt" their children's lives. Guess what, just because I relinquished my child does not mean I get to walk away scott free. Like Phil and others have mentioned: I have moral responsibilities. If she wants to find me or if I find her down the road, it is our right to do so regardless of the other's feelings. Simply put: unless one states to the face of the searcher that they do not want contact, then we all have a right to search and reunite and love like everyone else. The daughter I am raising has every right under the sun to find her baby sister and establish a relationship.

snowwillow20

Freckle has it right, why wouldn't you want to be found unless you are living a life based on lies, well for 30 years I did live that lie and I wonder how I would have reacted if she had found me. Would I be willing to continue to live the lie or welcome her with open arms? The answer is, I looked for her, I told everyone that would listen about her. There are no more lies, no more secrets, my life is whole now. I have my daughter back in my life.

Isabel A

She doesn't want to see me? Really? Then why is she coming up to visit me in two weeks? Why did she meet us at Disneyland last month? Why does she want to take us to SeaWorld this summer? Why did she send me a cashmere sweater for Christmas? Why does she keep sending my kids presents?

Why is she so nice to me?

As far as I can tell, my "birthmom" wants to see me as much as possible.

I don't think she's moved on.
She loves me. :)

LaurieDB

Great responses have been made by people like Phil and Freckle Face already.

I did think that once -- but I was wrong. My entire first family, both maternal and paternal, wanted to see me. In fact, I had first family members looking for me.

Now then, I will take this away from my personal experience and place it in a more societal context. Unless there is a court order stating that one person cannot contact another person, we are allowed to associate freely with one another in our society. If a person makes contact with another person who wishes no more contact, then that is fine. No more contact is necessary. However, most people are not mind-readers and have no idea whether or not another person wishes contact or not without asking or otherwise being told by that person.

Adopted citizens and citizens who have relinquished are perfectly capable of handling their own contact relationship matters without the input of government or of those who just think they ought to hand out unsolicited advice.

credible_bulk

Based on what information?

chelsea s

I want to see my birth son. And I do. And I like it that way.

Christin B

Well actually....the question in its self is rude....or at least the way that you worded it. Any how....

1)90% ofBirth mothers do want to meet their children.
2)Things might not come out to what was expected or what the people involved might like, but at least you gave it a try.
3)If my birth mother didn't want to see me, for a fear of disturbance in her 'family' i would probably look at her and tell her to f off.
4)Everyone deserves the right to meet their mother, to see who gave birth to the,

I personally just found my mother last october. Things started off okay but then I found out what kind of person she really is. I ended things almost immediately because she had threaten to hit me and there was no way in hell i wsa gonna be abused again.

5)Adoptive families should NOT try and stop their adopted children from looking for their natural parents....even if there is a fear that something might happen....like the teen loving the birth parents more.

If you want to locate your biological parents and you know their names i strongly suggest using myspace.com or facebook.com. I found my biological mother online....after eleven years.I FOUND her on myspace.....REMEMBER THIS THOUGH....IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT WHEN/IF YOU MEET YOUR BIRTH FAMILIES, IT JUST WASN'T MEANT TO BE.

MamaKate

Did you ever think that your "birth"mother has waited, every second of every day since the day she had to let you go just to see you again?

Marie L

i had a baby adopted once i think about her euery day euery mornin when i awke when i close my eyes she is on my mind a birth mother is allways thinking of the children she had to giue up she cant move on at all she will need to see her child some day the day she as allways long for so allways find your true parents becoz that is who you are goodluckxxxxxxxx

IDK!!

You'll never know if you don't try....right?

Gershom

Its *rare* for any mother to grow nurture love and bring a child into the world, hand him/her over to someone and just pick up and "MOVE ON."

Now there is a difference between presence & disrupting a life, from "moving on." Mothers near and far hide in shame and secrecy and were suppressed, and sometimes adoptees who aren't suppressed by a culture who has no authority over them, aren't afraid to speak out the "secrets" that some of our mothers and fathers hid for our entire lives.

yes, this CAN disrupt someones familiarity, but it can also free someone of the burden of holding a secret love for her child in shame. I have seen reunion blossom some of our mothers and fathers. It woke my father up out of a 21 year fog. It ended his fear and shame, it gave him confidence to do things he had never done before, and it built a unity and strength into OUR family, that none of my brothers and sister had ever had before I found them.

He turned his back on me once, and it effected not only our lives, but the lives of our families and descendants. He had a chance to turn his back on me a second time, but he stepped up, embraced me and is healthier now than he ever has been.

Sometimes its really really hard to face the truth, but that pain has nothing to do with "moving on" and has everything to do with fear and supression and lack of support from friends and family.

Moving on? I call BS on 99% of the adoption effected people who claim to have "moved on" and never lived with any feelings of loss and pain from the separation of adoption.

I'm so sweet I need insulin

No. Actually, my biological mother wan't to see me too much! She's always emailing me and wanting to see me. I really don't feel all that comfortable around her... she's too... wild...

dontknow86

Thats NOT true, You wont bother her. She thinks about you everyday ! My baby was took from me by my parents and I just found her and its great!( 21 years later). Go find your moma.

angel

well no because she didnt carry ,me 9 months for nothing

snow flake

Ummmm, no, I've never thought that my first mother didn't want to see me. My first mother found ME many years ago and I'm still in contact with her.

Why do you care anyway? Do you have a problem with adoptees and their first parents reuniting?

Sally C

Thats a hard question.. but if you birth mother does not want contact.. they could have stated so in the adoption.. and made it so they could not have been contacted. Only you can make this decision.. If you need to meet her.. than I would go for it.. the worst thing that can happen is she can say no. But I know as I had once considered the adoption path.. it usually is not becuz you don't wanna know about your baby.. but rather because you want whats best for your baby and feel at that time you can not give the child that. GOod luck.. I hope it all works out for u!

sweet kacey

Hey if you want to see her go for it . She owes you that much. You never now what you may find. Dont give up. Good Luck

janine k

I always had the feeling that after all this time my birthmother didn't want to find or meet me and only this week have had this confirmation given to me by a third party.It hurts a lot as I have always had the feeling that things were missing from my life.I am also a birthmother whose daughter doesn't want me in her life either and I just wish that,at least,one of them would change their mind as I would like to have the chance to get to know both or one of them.I feel as if I am living for this chance but know that my feelings and hopes will,more than likely,never come to fruition.All I can say to anyone who is affected by adoption is to give the person who is missing from your life a chance to get you to know them as we might not be the type of person you think we are.Most of us only want to know that the person we would love to contact is happy.

XxSeXyMor3nItAxX

Sometimes Birth Mothers let go of their babies for problems they think the baby is goen to cause in their life and it can be that they have moved on and wont want to know about the baby ever again...but in some cases.some mothers..regret giving out the baby and would love to see them again to spend the time lost...she might have her family and life.. but if she wants you back she will do anything ...should try it.. wont know till yah try...
good luck = )

Brianna

Saying that a birth mother owes the child anything is rediculous. She's already placed the child in a better home than she could have provided and her obligation pretty much ends there.

Just because there is no obligation does not mean that she doesn't want to see the child, there just really isn't any reason for it.

Let the thumbs down begin!

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