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Do you have any witty come backs to say to people who ask questions about adoption?
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Do you have any witty come backs to say to people who ask questions about adoption?

Okay...let me clarify before I get any further. I think that sometimes people just need to be educated about adoption, but there are times when I feel like people are just being nosy and don't deserve anything more than a witty answer that will make them think about asking certain things. For example, I think it is none of people's business to ask how an adoptee was conceived. An answer that I have heard, but have never used is, "I will tell you about how my child was conceived if you tell me about the night you and your husband conceived your son!"

Does anyone have any other funny things they have heard or have said to basically tell people they are being rude by asking the questions they are asking?

Hope this makes sense!
Additional Details
It does irritate me, but I am trying to laugh about people's stupidity (I mean ignorance!)


    




Serenity71
Rating
T2- I can see your not out to make fun of your child's adoption.

And sometimes to stay sane and not let people make you angry and frustrated IS to handle somethings with some humour. Its that or be so serious all the time about everything that you never smile or laugh. And your kids will notice it gets to you. ) BTW I'm never disrespectful to my kids Bparents, being light hearted in some situations doesn't lend to being like that.)

I have to admit to having a witty sense of humour.... I take seriously what I have to, but I make room for a laugh too and look at the far side of life.

My most used line is "Why do you ask?"

It tends to make them step back a bit, and its all in the tone of voice you use and body language. If these aren't defensive, people won't become defensive when you respond with a little bit of humour in some situations.

Yes people can be very ignorant.

I have had the "Can the real parents come back at any time and take back their child?" (I get this silly image of my child Bmother sneaking through the window....you know like in a cartoon. She would never do anything like that... I didn't voice it so the asker didn't start thinking it to be true.)

My mind will tick over a dozen humorous witty responses. That bring a smile to my face and a small giggle. The asker normally looks baffled as to why I'm obviously trying not to laugh at such a ridiculous thing to say.

If they don't get it I'll just shake my head and ask what they know about adoption. Usually not much is the answer, (We have all be a little ignorant of adoption at one point in our lives... referring to people who grew up in bio families that have never been touched by adoption. I sometimes see myself many years ago in some their questions. So I"m not horrible to people about it.)

You know then they don't ask about her background any more and get onto the interesting stuff like how cute she is when she smiles and giggles....

All the best.


aloha.girl59
Rating
I adopted my son 5 years ago, so I don't find this topic funny at all. I have found that, when people find out that I adopted my son, they feel like his story is public domain. The rude questions/comments abound! I am always amazed by that. I have had people say the following to me (and this is just a sample):
How could anyone give up such a beautiful child?
Was his mother on drugs? (I HATE this one the most! If I say no, which is the truth, they assume I'm lying. I wouldn't say yes, because it's not true. And if I don't respond at all, they assume the worst. This one pisses me off! Next time someone asks me this, I'm going to ask, "Were you?" Grrrr!)
What kind of problems did he have when he was born?
He's so lucky to have you!

When asked an inappropriate question/when someone makes a stupid comment (ie: he's so lucky to have you!), I respond with positive words and snark in my voice. For example, "No, *I'm* the lucky one!" Get a clue, people.

Quite honestly, I hope the day when I find this sort of thing 'funny' never comes. It all irritates me no end. I sort of liken it to when a woman is pregnant and total strangers feel like they have the right to touch her belly. "Oh, you adopted your child? Tell me all his personal, private details!"


Erin L
A simple "Why do you want to know?' works really well.


opedial
We adopted three from foster care, and often we get:

What colour are they? (if th ey have not met them yet) And we say "orange"

What was wrong with them? And we say What is wrong with you?

We always get, waht was wrong with their mohter? Adn we say she just wasn't able to parent them. We do NOT give details about their history to anyone, it is not their business.

In fact we don't often do the snarky remarks (okay I don't but hubby sometimes does) because I think it is good to model good behvaviour to the child and just say "that is our business" but thank you for asking.


Heather Leigh
I recently had someone ask what my son did to make his f-father abuse him... I was so mad, but I told him as as seriously as I could " He asked really stupid questions".

OK, Probably not real funny but I got my point across and he even apologized for upsetting me. Then I was able to point out that kids do absolutely nothing to warrant being abused.

Unfortunately for my son, when his father went to trial for abuse and neglect it was a *hot* story for our small town and even thought they did not use DS's name, his f-father's name was plastered all over the paper for awhile. So, people assume they know *all about* what happened to him.


tinkerbe13
Rating
I dont have an answer for you. Just understand for those who have never been adopted or adopted a child its hard for them to understand. They dont realize they are over stepping their bounds. I am not saying its ok for them to be so intrusive, but just as they should try and understand your side, you should understand theirs. They are just curious and prob a little uncomfortable.
Good luck. I work with foster kids and we plan to adopt so reading others posts give me more insight.


Freckle Face
"Why do you ask?"

"We don't share such personal information with just anybody."

Those are the two i use the most. I usually try not to be snarky because often that opens a whole can of worms. For example, the people can say something just as snarky or even down right rude comments back, in front of my kids of course. Instead i sweetly smile and use "Why do you ask?" most often. It usually stops them dead in their tracks.


macengle7
Below you will find a witty comeback to this question when they ask how your child was conceived. However, the most important thing when having this conversation is your mindset. If you are happy with your choice than there is no need to let any thing they say influence your mood. Take a deep breathe if you need to, realize that your life is better with your child in it, and use this realization to fuel you to speak with peace and confidence when the topic comes up.
--------------------------------------...
Inquisitor: "How was your child conceived?"

You: "Well when a man and a woman love each other very much..." (Pause and Smile). You will both crack up.

Hope this helps. All the best.



Gaia Raain
Rating
Answer the question with a question. For Aloha Girl's drug question, how about asking, "why would you assume that?" For other general questions, "why do you ask?" If they answer "just curious" or something along those lines, you could then say, "do people ask you that question often about your child?" If they still don't get it, you can just say, "I just tend not to talk about my child's personal information unless it's necessary. I think he should have the right to decide who knows what about him."


Bailey D
Rating
i don't know how me/my son was conceived, and me and ya mum don't know how you were either, i swear that that condom DIDN'T break





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