Do you have doubts about fostering an older child?

I will admit I do. One part is my age, there may not be enough of an age gap between me and the child and the other reason is my fear of emotional problems I don't think I can handle. (Yes, I know young children can have these same problems) That was until I read an article in my local paper today and it has changed my views. What do you think about it? The website for the paper is www.pilotonline.com. It's not actually the article itself (you have to be a subscriber, but it did list this link):

http://vakids.org/pubs/foster%20care/Voices%20for%20Change%20Book.pdf

There's a follow up story on Sunday, which I will post.
Additional Details
When I said an older foster child, I meant a teenager. I think stormwarnfm was the only one who got what I was saying. If I fostered a teenager, that would put me theoretically in the same place as a teenage mom. That's what my concern was, if there was a large enough age gap to function as a parent and not a friend or peer. The reason I posted the link to the article was because it focused on older children and their desires are much the same as younger children, and it has made me reconsider. I'm not against older children, nor do I believe there would be more behavioral problems. That could be a factor but it also could just be being a teenager. I start orientation in a few weeks and I guess they'll let me know what ages are appropriate for us.

stormwarnfm

When working with your state department that handles fostering, or even a private agency, typically, they do not allow you to foster a child that is more than 1/2 your age.

So, if you're 32, the highest age you could foster would be 16.

cassie

Hello my name is Cassie and i am 16 and i have a sister named sarah who is 14 we were both placed in foster care when i was 10 and she was 8 6 years and 3 homes later and we finally just got adopted! it has been rough and i had a lot of major issues i had to over come but with the love and support my adoptive parents have given me the last 2 and a half years we are now a family not only by law but by our hearts.some days may be very difficult if you decide to do this while others you might have no problem but if you give a child love and support no matter how old they are you will have helped them out for the rest of their lives and they will repay you with love and respect!

BOTZ

Do you have doubts about fostering an older child?

No, I don't.

I did years ago, before I worked for several years with children (including kids up to age 17+) that were removed from their homes by the state and awaiting foster placements (or to return home). Now, I have no qualms whatsoever. They are "normal" kids, even if their backgrounds are not normal and they have mental/physical or emotional problems. That is only one aspect of "who they are" and, as foster parents, there is a lot of support (of every conceivable type) available if one is willing to find and use it.

Take care!

staceydv4

we are fostering a 7 and 8 yr old . at first it was hard but now were workin through there problems ..

Conan H

My wife and I fostered a 17 year old girl for almost a year when we were about 30. We've also fostered (and adopted) and infant.

I won't lie. It was not easy. There is so much history there that you have no control over and don't know. We had three very young boys that looked up to her so managing not-so-desirable behavior (including boyfriend) was difficult at times.

That said, I think we made a very positive impact on her life. She's "graduated" from foster care and we've moved from the area, but we still keep in touch, and she still calls me "Dad."

So, hard? Absolutely. Worth it? Yes. Would I do it again? Not sure.

Summer L

They are all kids and all have issues, some worse than others, but they are all "damaged" no matter what their age. We have an absolutely out of control 2.5 year old (he is a head banger with bald spots), so even very young ones have "issues".

Even abused children love their parents, but being removed will be *the* most traumatic experience of their lives that they will never forget.

We have had kids that were 1-17, some are great and some need extra time and attention. I was 25 when we had a 17 year old girl and she was *the* most wonderful child from day one. I guess it is all left up to personal preference and only you know your limitations. What type of kids you are willing to take in can only be your decision.

But you still have to look at them as kids. We had one that was 13, but had the mentality of a 9 year old. We did not deny her because she was older and she was also a great kid. It is trial and error, if you feel like you can do it - go for it, if not, please don't put the kids through having to go through another move.

Hope this helps a little and good luck in your decision!

yeahright

I would in a heartbeat if I didn't have existing smaller children. Because we do have younger children, we feel we can't take on the responsibility and deeper time commitment that we feel this situation would requires right now--we might feel differently once our children are older.

Nahira

I did initially. But working in foster care made me think differently. A lot of times, the FC worker is like the foster parent for their kids. I was doing everything for some of my kids except literally have them sleep in my home. Food, clothes, doctor, guidance, etc. As a result, I dont have qualms about personally fostering a teen or two. If I were married or had my own home, I'd do it now. I'm just a few years off from being a teen myself. Personal stability is the only thing making me wait.

mom of 4

all children deserve to be loved , some do have more problems than others but they are still children , it is up to us as adults to help them become respectful adults also , who knows maybe you can change one of their lives in a positive way and they'll think you someday by helping another child who is in need

Dickon

yes because they might have their own opinion on just about everything and if you try to adopt the role of the parent who trains the child in the way he/she should go, they may not take it too well. it might be like a loss of power to them

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