Do you support an open adoption policy where the birth parents can choose to be involved in the child's life?

BPD Wife

At first glance of this question, my response is "yes, I do support the bio family being involved in a child's life". However, I do think that there are some situations where it needs to be moderated (in the cases of abuse/neglect, etc.).

However, the one thing that I do not support with regards to open adoption is a bio parent who chooses one day to be involved and then the next not to be. This happened with us. I think it is extremely hard on a child to experience the original loss and then wonder later why the bio parent comes & goes as if it doesn't matter. I think both the APs and the BPs must make an open agreement and then stick to that unless there is something about the relationship that is harming the child. Whatever is chosen, needs to be consistent.

Just my opinion.

Gaia Raain

Yes, if it's legally enforceable. At present, original family members can choose to stay involved in the child's life, but the adoptive parents can cut off contact at any time.

Morgaine

I think that this is the best way to go about adoption, an open adoption, where the child knows his/her first family and has a place in it. Also, where the first family has a place in their children's new life.

Of course there are a lot of kinks to work out in this sort of situation, so only people who are flexible enough to welcome this sort of thing are really qualified to do something like this. Most AP's don't want a reminder that they aren't the children's only family...and they have a hard time dealing with that, but how do you get past that is beyond me.

I think an real open adoption, with both families making it work, maybe with the help of a mediator, or counselor, is in the best interest of the child.

Warrior Mom

Yes, I do, with a few qualifications. If the child was taken from the first mom because of life-threatening situations, and there remains a danger that the first mom would abduct the child, safety measures would have to be taken to protect the child's whereabouts. However, there should be as much contact as possible, while still maintaining the safety of the child. The fantasies that adoptees build up in their minds about their first moms is harmful to them. The loss of contact and connection to their past is harmful. The feeling that the first mom did not value them enough to want them, or even to do the things required of them to keep them is harmful.

I realize there would be some things to work out, but if everyone is putting the child first, then those things could be worked out. Agencies could provide places for visitation. And, if there is no danger to the child, they could have outings together. I am advocating overnight stays or weekend visits, especially for younger children. I am simply saying that there could be some real benefits in keeping the contact there, and keeping the door of comminication open.

Katelyn

yes i do.

i think that if the child were to want to meet their biological parents later in life, it would be much easier.

plus the parents wont always be wondering what their child would be like...

mommy2squee

Absolutely. This is best for the child involved, as long as the parent remains a constant in her life, and doesn't come and go on a whim.

lady_bugs

YEs, because eventually in the long run it's good for the child.

Cam

Yes I support it. Open adoption does not work for all adoptions (abuse/neglect) but in cases where an nmom willingly places her child for adoption and wishes to be in the child's life, then yes. And AP's need to be held somehow accountable for honoring that wish.

cruzgirlz3

Yes, it would solve so many issues. It means ongoing access to answers which is better for the child and for the Aparents.

The Vegetarian Atheist ãƒ„

Yes and no.

If the birth parents are drug addicts or have a serious mental illness, I wouldn't let the child see them. It's a negative impact to let the child see what kind of birth parents she/he really has.

If the birth parents don't have the money or that kind of problem then I would let the child see them since the birth parents want the child but doesn't have money, etc.

God Saves!

Absolutely. Then the child knows that he/she was always wanted but her Birth Mum couldn't afford her/wasn't ready/ etc.

Herbie

yes, that's the only way it should be unless the mother chooses otherwise. It is her decision to place the child up for adoption in the first place.

â˜…â˜…â˜… Katharine â™¥â™¥â™¥â™¥

No, I don't want somebody watching over me. I want to feel like this child is 100% mine and my husbands - I don't want to feel like a babysitter for 18 yrs!

zsaryn

No, they gave up the child already so I don't see why they have to be involved with the kid's life. It would also be difficult for the ones who adopted the kid because they'll have to compete with the real parents for the kid's attention. If I am the kid, I'd feel bad also because I would question why my biological parents are not taking care of me. I'd feel insecure because I would think that there's something wrong with me, etc.

Marie C

To a certain degree. I believe that the adoption should be "open" in the sense that the birth mother would receive periodic communication about her child throughout the years, including pictures and letters about the child's growth and upbringing.

But I think it would be terribly confusing and disturbing to the child to have ongoing contact with the birth mother throughout childhood. I think the child should be allowed to make the choice whether to find and reestablish a relationship with his birth family when he is of legal age.

Pink or Blue

Mostly no. I think that would be a huge source of confusion for the child. What if the adopted parents say no to something, and the birth parents say something else. If you have disagreements like that it could ruin a child. They will be torn as to who to listen to and will result in resentment and hurt from all sides.

Happy She's Here

No, they want all the perks and bragging rights of having kids without having to do any of the work! If you have a kid and give it up, that should be that!

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