Do you think adoption is cruel?

Cleopatra

A lot of things in life are cruel. Moreover, NOTHING is either black or white.

Wellspring

Don't blur the lines between a waiting and available child in foster care with expectant mothers who's unborn babies are neither waiting or available for adoption. (unborn babies can't be adopted before birth)
How cruel is it that thousands upon thousands wanting only a newborn dare complain about the wait, long process, inconvenience and high cost while they deliberately pass over children who are waiting, available and in need. The high cost isn't the problem with these children because the cost through foster care is virtually nothing. The cruelty is that they are just not wanted by those telling the world how loving and caring "they are" as they hold out for a fresh newborn instead.

Enigmagic

I agree with you entirely. I wish naiive people with no personal experience or knowledge of what adoption can do to a person would stop touting it on here like it is some panacea to all humanity's ills. It p!sses me off to read over and over again people begging and pleading with other Y!A users not to have a termination but to put the baby up for adoption. Its such an ignorant, black and white point of view.

I am not by any means saying ALL adoptions are bad, the same as I would never say ALL terminations of pregnancy are bad. I just wish people would take off their rose-tinted spectacles and look at reality before ploughing in and answering questions they know nothing about.

myst1998

The answer to this question is all about perception and the experiences and information of the person answering it.

In my opinion, yes, adoption is cruel because it is a guillotine action to a person's life. It is a cut and dry approach to a situation which needs less or more involvement and further investigation.

Some will say of course adoption is not cruel, it is "rescuing" children, giving "unwanted" children a home, "saving" orphan children etc. But for those who have been the victims of adoption and its very cut and dry approach, it has been a cruel way to separate a family and all for the sake of another person's desire.

I see any system where money has become the centre as unethical and cruel. Too many people are suffering unnecessarily at the hands of adoption and this has been a fact for over 50 years now.

Too many people want a simple solution; something in black and white when that is impossible as each situation is unique so applying a "one size fits all" is never going to do anything but cause more issues.

shell

I'm a child of a mother that was to young but choose to keep me. Bc of her youth, she had no choice but to struggle w raising me. She worked two jobs, and went to school at night in order to provide for the both of us. She relied on family and friends to care for me during those times. I barely seen her and when I did she was to tired to spend quality time w me. By the time I became a teenager she graduated from college and had a decent job w benefits. Only then was she able to be the parental figure in my life that she wanted, and should have been throughout my younger yrs. But for a teen, for me it was to late. Bc there had been so many others being my caregivers, I felt she had no right to "try" to raise me then. So out of anger, frustration, and confusion I ran away. And as a stupid, young teen I did a lot of stupid things some that I regret but can't change. I remember telling her once that I wished she would have given me up. That maybe I would have had a better life. And I have to admit that at low times in my life I have wished she would have aborted me. But in all honesty, that last feeling isn't bc of what she did or didn't do. That feeling is from a father that never wanted me, and anger I get that he goes on living life w/o a care in the world. I am now nearing my 40's. I am a mother, and at one point was a single mother. Ask me now about being adopted or aborted? Neither. Why? Bc my mother loves me more than any other mother in the world could. She sacrificed everything to care for me, and love me. She gave me a awesome Dad (he'll never be step) and two great siblings And she made me who I am. I am not perfect, by any means. And I do suffer at times from the same issues that have been mentioned in other responses, such as adbandonment. But who doesn't have some sort of issues. Even the richest, smartest, happiest, funniest person in the world is gonna have issues. I mean, heck its not like they hand out how-to manuals to you when your born! Just my opinion.

aloha.girl59

A woman who finds herself pregnant owes NO ONE her child. It is HER decision about what she wants to do with the fetus in her uterus. Abortion is legal in this country and no one can tell any woman what to do with HER OWN body. Deal with it.

If you're so into people having babies just to give them to strangers, go ahead and have ten kids for all I care. As soon as that baby that you've nourished and felt growing for nine months comes out, hand it over to a complete stranger and call it a day. THEN you can preach to others about what they should do with their infants and uteri. Until then, can it.

Adoption and abortion are not opposites. When a woman discovers that she is pregnant, she has a choice: terminate the pregnancy or continue with the pregnancy. If she chooses to terminate, that is between her and her doctor and it is the end of the cycle. If she chooses to continue with the pregnancy, then and ONLY then can she decide whether or not she wants to parent her child.

Trust me on this: there are NOT thousands of unwanted infants born in this country every year. In fact, there are 30+ couples waiting to adopt for every surrendered infant in the U.S. The kids who go wanting year after year are the kids in foster care. There are very, very few unwanted babies born. Kids in foster care -- not relinquished infants -- are the ones who truly need homes and loving families.

Get your facts straight.

Walter Ford II

Its filled with ignorance, deceit, denial, lies, and crime.

Who cares how it affects natural mothers or adoptee's.

Adoption is all about what the Adopters want and feel entitled to.

Matt

First let me say that , This is a good question... I am sure that your going to get a whole variety of different answers , But that being said, Here's Mine.......
Do I think adoption is cruel...... Hell Yes, I do...... Do I think that every single adoption is......... I don't know...
Im an adoptee, I was put up for adoption the day I was born...... Now, That being said I think it really depends on what kind of child hood , and life an adoptee has had for them to decide how to answer this question....... For instance, If a certain adoptee has a really good life growing up and was showed all kind of love and encouragement through their life by their adoptive parents and they were spoiled and very well taken care of while they were growing up, Then I am sure they are going to say that they have had a great life, And they are happy they were adopted......ie.... They think that adoption is a very good thing, and would rather see a child be put up for adoption than aborted and they would say " No, Adoption Is Not Cruel" I could see how they would think that, If I had those same experiences in my life , I would be probably be saying the same thing......
Now...... The flip side of that coin.......
There are other adoptees out there that have had a really rough time being adopted.... They just didn't wake up one day and say I hate being adopted, They have been dealing with issues through out their entire lives, Whether its the fact that they were taken from their Birth Mothers and were forced to live and grow up with strangers, Or maybe they never got along or fit in with their adopted family and have always felt like an outsider , Or even worse , They were treated really bad and their adopted families turned their backs on their adopted child.... Now ... If a adoptee has experienced that kind of life growing up, I am sure that they will say that they do not like the fact that they were given up for adoption and that adoption is not a good thing , And they would rather see a un wanted child be aborted then be forced to grow up like they did..... ( I myself am a part of this group)... And I am sure they would say " Adoption is cruel" ....
Do I think that there are way to many children being given up for adoption..... Yes, Way to many... Society has painted a picture in that if your pregnant and you do not wish to be a parent or you don't want to change your life style or if you are a certain age and think you are to young to be a parent, Then its ok ( and a good thing) to give your baby away for adoption.... If adoption has to be done, Then it should be what is best for the child, Not what is best for the birth parents or what is best for the adoptive parents or the adoption agency, But what is best for the child.....
People love hearing about Happy Adoption Stories from adoptees and adoptive parents, It makes them feel good inside to hear about a un wanted child having a great life after they were adopted....
But when a adoptee stands up and talks about how bad adoption has been for them, and that they feel horrible about who they are and not knowing where they belong and that they don't have any kind of life what so ever , Then they say ' We just have issues" and even if we were not adopted, We would find something else to ***** about.......
Nobody wants to hear about the bad side of adoption! They don't want to believe that bad adoption stories exist........
Do I think adoption is cruel......... Yeah I do, But that is me.... Im sure you will get answers completely different from mine.....
Love Few, Hate Many, Trust No One..

Mitch

Personally: I'm adopted myself and I strongly feel I shouldn't exist. I feel that in many ways, my biological mother not aborting me was highly unethical.

Many people (but not all) who give up children do so because they can't take care of them do to mental illness. A since lot of mental illness is hereditary, if they have the kid and put it up for adoption, the kid then has a high chance for both abandonment issues and mental illness. Not a fun combination.

This isn't always the case, of course.

You hear pro-adoption people say that adopted kids do just as well or even better than non-adoptees. This is skewed by the fact that almost all adoptees live in the upper-middle class. Personally, I know more than a few adopted people, and all but one have some sort of issue that stems from being adopted. Most of it has to do with constant fear of abandonment and betrayal. I think most adopted people have at least internal issues.

Yes, there are many couples who want a baby, but it's sad to say it's not always for the best reasons. A lot of it is social stigma/standing/pressure. They want a child and they see that child as something they attained rather than for what the child could be is the best way I can explain it.

Again, I stress that this is not always the case.

The fact is, no matter how loving or providing the adoptive parent(s) is/are, adopted children are still more likely to turn out with issues, again usually related to abandonment. You can't really make up for it with "extra love."

It's not really the difference between death and being raised by a single mother, being raised by a single mother being the third alternative. I know people who purposely have a child knowing they will be a single mother. It's that the child will be raised by a mother that is likely to not be capable of actually raising the child, and again that's not fair to the child.

It almost comes down to a lesser-of-three-evils kind of thing, because the way I see it, no option is really fair to the child. In being raised by a single mother who did not want the child, there is possible resentment of the child and possibly also resentment by the child towards the mother. Many adoptees I know resent either their birthparents, their adoptive parents, or both. And again, I think in some cases, if the child is likely to have multiple problems or grow up in a home with issues/abuse/drugs/neglect/resentment or without love, it's not only unfair but unethical to bring that child into the world.

I think that in the end, it's a case-by-case basis. I think that for mothers who give up children because they themselves are mentally ill or the other parent is mentally ill, they should consider abortion. The way I see it, you are essentially condemning that child to having either mental illness or abandonment, attachment, and relationship-forming issues, or worse, both. Chances are very high the child will end up with at least one, and that doesn't seem very fair to the child.

I know multiple adopted kids who feel they should've been aborted, and then they feel gyped because any talk, idea or attempt of suicide is so frowned upon when they try, in their eyes, to right a wrong. They feel it would've saved them as well as others a lot of heartache if they never existed to begin with.

Johnsmuffinpie

Wow, this is a bit offensive to me. So, because my birth mother couldn't/didn't keep me, I should just be vacuumed out and tossed in a garbage can? I feel really important now.

Seriously, there are many adopted people who are very well adjusted, myself included. I understand that my birth mother wasn't in a position to raise me, but I was raised by parents who love and wanted me. Many children are raised by birth parents who do not want them. I think that would be worse...you feel abandonment by your parent, and there is no one else there to love you. I personally do not feel abandoned by my birthmom. I feel like she gave me the best chance at a good, successful life. It would have been great had she tried to get her crap together and get a job and a home and keep me, but she didn't or couldn't. I have a wonderful family that I cannot even imagine being without. I could choose to wallow in self pity about my birthmoms decision not to change and make a life for me, but instead I focus on how great it is to have a family that loves me.

7rin

Absolutely. I'd've rather've been aborted.

daisy65

I agree with Cleopatra nothing is black and white, also depends on the persons values, background, principles, some women have very streong spiritualupbringing and cannot abort its against their beliefs but people are very very quick to judge what a young girl should do with her body or the baby.

The Decimator

Hmmmmmmm.... Which seems more cruel to you killing ur baby or raising it as a single mother? I think if u asked most adults that have been thru the adoption process as kids and even the ones that have never gotten a real home if they'd prefer to be an aborted fetus I'm pretty sure they'd wanna be alive but thats just me... Go, do research ask a 40 year old man or woman who never had a real home as a child if they would prefer to not be living and be some random aborted fetus and just see what they say... Im pretty sure you'll find out that 90 percent of them are somewhat functioning adults who are glad to be alive.

Jen

Me and my husband are looking into adoption we love kids and we want one so I'm into the adoption but not abortion because there is some loving caring family always looking to adopt

Maria

My birth parents didn't 'give me up' for adoption, I was removed from their home by social services because I was being abused and they were found out when I was admitted to hospital with a fractured skull at 15 months old. I was adopted by parents who have loved and raised me like their own child and I have never felt bad about being adopted. If I had stayed with my birth parents I could have been much more seriously injured or killed and I count myself very lucky that I was adopted by wonderful parents. My friend was adopted because her birth mother was too young to cope but I'm sure she doesn't feel it would have been better if she'd been aborted! Perhaps one day you will find yourself in the unenviable position of being pregnant with no money, no family support and nowhere to turn. Maybe then you'll realise that life isn't black and white and people have to do what they feel is right. People who adopt are to be congratulated, it's not easy to take on another person's child but they do it out of love and it's damn hard and they don't need to be criticised by others who don't realise just how difficult it can be.

I don't care if I get TD for this answer, I'm proud of who I am and if I couldn't have children I'd get straight out there and adopt a child in desperate need of a loving home. And btw, I had an abortion at 18 because I was alone with no money and nowhere to turn and I knew I couldn't have a baby and then let it go but that doesn't make abortion the easy option. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do and 13 years later I still regret it. Don't judge people for trying to do what they think is right.

my brother in law was given to a friend of his moms when he was born because they couldnt financially take care of him and he turned out SO MUcCH HAPPIER than his other brother (my husband included). My mother in law could have aborted him but he gave him a chance at a great life and he got one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They all keep in touch but his 'real' parents are the ones who raised hinm but he sees his real mom and lets his kids call her grandma and everything still. adoption is better than abortion. There really arent alot of babies up for adoption but if there are, the birth mothers are wanting so much money for thier bills and housing and etc to the adoptive parents (thru adoption programs--legal)....so an 'affordable' baby is not very common. some kids do feel unloved because they were given up for adoption but some kids feel unloved because their parents buy them anything they want but dont do smething else the kids wants or the kids life is TOO PERFECT and cant wait to leave MAYBERRY and go into the 'real world'...kids are kids and can usually find SOMETHING to get angry about, IF they are angry inside, for whatever reason.

AdoreHim

the problem with those adoptions is the problem of the agency for the most part my friend. When my husband and I started the adoption process over 21 yrs ago now, we wanted to adopt 2 of those children that were older- however the agency said "no because they were of different ethnicity then we were". That is ridiculous. I cannot understand why anyone would say that abortion would be better than this. Abortion takes the life of the child period. If you were going to ask the baby in the womb their choice, do you think that they would want to be aborted? The women say it is their bodies so they should do with it what they desire. Does the woman have 2 hearts, 4 lungs, etc etc etc. Also when women go for an abortion they usually do not realize what can happen to them physical and emotionally. Then you go on to say that if a woman cannot keep the baby to abort. You are actually saying that keeping the baby is the best option even if the mother realizes that it is no way- and adoption is wrong on all counts. I am very thankful that my birth mom did not think that, or I would have been aborted myself. I agree that if the mother can raise there own child that is wonderful. However, to think that in my family alone 3 of us could have been aborted because each of our birth moms (mine, my daughter and my son) could not raise us. You are either for abortion or against it my friend, and if you think it is better than adoption you are DEFINITELY FOR IT.

EDIT- it really saddens me to see how many people think that abortion is better than adoption. Sad to hear that life is not precious anymore

Sade

i also think of all the children who don't know there parents i to cry at the fact that they have to sometime move from home to home an never have a parent figure in their life i do believe that adoption is a good thing. abortion to me is a serious step and decions to some it may be the answer

hisbaby

Your right, everyone says "so many people would love to have that baby" if that were the case why are there so many in the adoption system. BUT I think the price of adoption has alot to do with the lack of adoptions. Its very expensive. Now I personally would not have an abortion, but I'm not one to judge those who do. I know people who have and I think no differently of them than I do of anyone that has not had one. I dont mean to sound like Im against adoption, it really is a great thing, but it would be even better if it wasnt as expensive.

No, I think it is life

Marnie B

My daughter's birth mom did not "throw her away." She made an adoption plan & chose my husband & I to adopt her baby.

ARKdeEREH

Absolutely NOT! Adoption is not cruel! From reading your description it doesn't really sound like you think it is either, just the idea of kids going without parents of any kind (which I do agree is a problem). Personally, I think adoption should be made easier and quicker (within reason) so that more people could afford, both in time and money, to do it. That way, more kids would have good homes. Afterall, parents don't have to go through excessive red tape when they have biological children, so why should adoption be so much harder?

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