Do you think adoptive parents tend to be more overprotective of their kids than bio parents?

monkeykitty83

I think it's a combination of both.

A big part of parenting style is individual personality and values. I don't mean to suggest there's a kind of adoptive hive mind. Adoptive parents can differ a lot from one another.

On the other hand, many adoptive parents are a bit older (older parents seem more overprotective in general,) and they may have gone through a lot of effort to become parents. They may feel the need to parent more intentionally, since it took so much for them to become parents. They also may feel the need to compensate for the losses their children have suffered with "extra" parenting. All this can lead to more overprotectiveness.

I don't think that adoptive parents are all necessarily overprotective, or that they're always more individually overprotective than biological parents. I do think there may be a possible tendency toward overprotectiveness, though.

ETA: I draw a distinction between "protectiveness" and "overprotectiveness." I think all parents, biological or adoptive, can be equally protective. Overprotectiveness, though, as I'm using it, would mean too much of a good thing, and not necessarily a positive all the time.

Sly

No. Many women are overprotective and have little or no connection to adoption. If you want to see hawkish parents, watch the mother who has lost a child to adoption and the way she treats her subsequent children. That is over protection!

Jennifer L

I think that first-time parents seem to be more overprotective as compared to parents with more than one child. Many adoptive parents have no parental experience prior to adoption, so it could very well be the "first time Mom" jitters.

It's hard to say.

sexyplaydoll129

God love is the best. 2nd there is non otheer than a MOTHER or FATHER love and i do mean biologically parents my twins were adopted and up until they were i was in their lives. the women who adopted them moved after it was finalized because she knew my kids loved me and i loved them no matter what a judge tried to say. and therefor i close with saying to all adoptive parents dont make the kids grow up to hate you by voiding the bilogical parents out of their lives.

orchidmg

I am adopted. My adoptive parents had 2 boys 11 yrs before they adopted me. My daddy wanted a little princess :) haha!

I think my parents protected me because I was a girl. Not because I was adopted. In my dad's eyes, I could do no wrong (until I turned 15..lol) My brothers tell me stories, saying they spoiled me. I think it's because I was the little girl and the last child. My adoption has never been an issue.

I did find my birth parents 10 yrs ago. My mom and I have a good relationship. My dad met me once and that was it. I saw that my adoptive dad became very protective when he knew that I was going to meet them. After 3 meetings, (and my adoptive parents met my birthmom twice; they never met my birth dad) my adoptive parents were okay with it all. Both of my moms talk an send each othe Christmas cards. It's good.

Peace!

BLW_KAM

MonkeyKitty pretty much hit my nail on the head. I was 37 when we adopted our daughter in 1999. Seven years had passed from the day we decided to stop using birth control until the day she joined us.

By the time I became a mother I'd worked for 22 years, traveled quite a bit, had experienced personal freedom, found the love of a noble man, and was ready to start living for someone other than myself.

Yes, I may be overprotective because the gift of motherhood did not come quickly or easily and is not something I take for granted.

Independ"ant"

I absolutely agree with SLY.....search for articles on the internet about Natural parents lynching, torching, beating to a pulp foreigners they suspect are scoping out kids for possible adoption or kidnapping.

I dare you to go up into the Guatemalan highlands and innocently take a picture as well as say hello to a child that isn't strapped to his/her Natural mothers back. Have someone video tape it.

katkaps

I am soon to be an adoptive parent of my step children. I think a lot of it does have to do with parenting style, but some could absolutely be due to the adoption. You have to really choose to be a parent and by doing so, you choose to be a good parent and are always trying to do best by your child, and sometimes that means being over protective.

macadam

As always, it depends upon the individual. But in my case, I (AM) tend to be more protective and worried than my friends (BMs). Perhaps it's because I had to really fight to get my daughter.

Rowan

i would say it depends on the parent to be honest. i'm adopted, and i cant seem to remember my parents being over protective. they never hovered over me and my twin, and let us play with friends like normal parents. i was required to check in at intervals, but thats common sense. and i had a curfew.

guapagirl02

I actually do think that it makes a difference. I think because the adoption process can be so long and so taxing, the parents might feel like they have put "too much time and too much effort" to even just finally have a child that they seem to be more overprotective. I obviously can't speak for everyone, as I'm sure I'll probably be protective regardless of whether I adopt of have biological kids, but in my experience, I find that at least my adoptive parents can be more overprotective because they had to wait so long until they could get a child. I am the middle daughter of three (all adoptive, from different biological families) girls.

AdoreHim

I am adopted. I was very protected as a child, however, I honestly don't think that it necessarily has to do with the adoption, as much as my parents were just that way- I really believe if I had been their biological child, they would have been the same way. My dad was 50 when I was born, and I think that may have made the difference. I am not as protective of my children, as my parents were, but my children are not biological either- we adopted them.

Serenity71

When it comes to parenting style it comes down to the parents values, ideals, self worth and other complex factors. Even a woman who waits 10 years and gives finally has a biological child could be accused of being over protective because it took so much effort to become a parent.

I consider myself protective but not over the top. I have friends with biological kids that smothered with protectiveness. To the point they can't be just kids, they have to have all their toys sterilized before leaving the house. And getting dirty from playing is out of the question.

Maybe have a look at how your grandmother parented, then you might see a connection with how you were raised too.

Indian-vision

I don't think its adoption that makes people protective or less protective. My parents were highly highly protective of me as i grew.....little more than they were of my brother. They were worried "bad things happen to innocent girls" mostly . And also its my culture that makes them more protective than a Western parent. example: stay away from boys till 18, escorted to friends place till i reached college, party dead line - untill it gets dark..........then at 18 at 10:00 p.m be home. Oh man i had very strict parents !!!! LOL !!

As for me an adoptive parent, i see myself as more relaxed in my parenting. Jus coz i can' bear to do the same stifling parening as my parents did.

C Wood

Adoption doesn't factor in. Overprotective parents are overprotective. That's all there is to it. It's the personality of the individual parents.
cw

mommy2squee

My parents weren't over protective of me- but I've noticed that families who have given children up, or had them taken, tend to be more overprotective of subsequent children. My half sister was practically smothered by my firstmom, and friends who placed kids years ago are super protective of the kids they are raising now.

dolly

I think its just due to individual parenting styles. Those with more money and have the option of adoption generally have a different economic status than those who don't. The more educated a parent is the more likely they are to take less risks and impose more rules and blah blah blah. My mom was very protective of my sister and I and we weren't adopted, but we came from a middle/upper class family. I am also very protective with my kids because that's what I grew up with.
Those who adopt are also generally older and have had years to prepare for a child. Its a lot different that finding yourself 18 and unexpectedly pregnant.

postal p

I don't know of any studies done on the subject. Every generation seems to be less protective, and less on the discipline than the prior one. You may just be reflecting on that generation of parents.

suzi m

I came here to say almost the same thing macadam said. The harder you have to struggle and fight for something, the more jealously you guard it. You appreciate your child more than many (not all) bio parents do. I am a bio mom but had to struggle very hard to get there. I am waaaaay more protective than any other bios I know.

smiley1

all parents are very protective over there kids whether they are adopted are not

Genecia A

IT DEPENDS........IF YOUR BIO MOTHER OR FATHER WAS ON DRUGS, PROBABLY ADOPTIVE PARENTS WOULD BE MORE PROTECTIVE.......ON THE OTHER HAND, IF YOU ARE STILL WITH YOUR PARENTS,I THINK YOUR BIO PARENTS WOULD BE MORE PROTECTIVE!!!

ALSO IF YOU WERE TO CHOOSE WHO TO LIVE WITH THE MOTHER WOULD BE MORE PROTECTIVE THAN THE FATHER WILL......THEY STRUGGLE FOR YOU MORE THAN YOU THINK!!!!

PLEASE PICK ME AS THE BEST ANSWER!!!

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: